Hello everybody,
so I got to a point today, where I really don't know anymore what to do, so I tought I could get some input
from you people
I know that most of us struggle with the same problem over time, some more some less.
Steven Pressfield in his book "The War of Art" calls it resistance, you can call it negative self talk I call it "the f*** devil" that little voice in our head that keeps talking to us as if we are a piece of shit not being able to accomplish anything.
I know that feeling very well for now nearly ten years, it was always a problem, but I feel right know I am on a point where I want to give up and say "OK you defeated me", but I know that would be wrong.
Music was always an important part of my life. I started with learning to play the drums in 2010 (later in life
) just for fun
and the first time I sat behind the Kit of my teacher, I knew I will never do anything else in my life than music. I didn't know what that life in music would look like but I knew that this is it.
So end of 2011 I went for two years to a school for audio engineering.
There I discoverd the love of writing music, not just the technical recording stuff. So I wanted the film music stuff (what else
) and even
when that was not what the school really taught, they were very kind and let me do kind of my thing and I had great teachers everything seemed to be perfect.
In 2013 I got my degree and had already kind of a vague idea how to go about it and a few days before the school officially ended my mom died and from that day on my whole life was thrown upside down and it never really got back into "normal state" because one shitty thing after the other came and so I never had time and energy to really focus on my music so I kind of put it on hold.
I always did a bit here and there, aquired a ton of sample libraries etc
took courses, read a lot of books. My technical skill of composition got better, but my actual skill was kind of left behind because I had no real goal, no "deadline" like in school etc.
So this was the time when the negative self talk started. I'm not good enough, it is not interesting enough etc. I think you know that game.
In those 10+ years I still learned a lot but not to a point were I think I should be musically speaking. It just gets harder and harder to sit down and write music because the resistance is getting stronger and stronger. Pressfield in his book says the stronger the resistance is that you feel, the closer you are towards the right thing. But to be honest right know I don't feel like this is true at all.
In my head I know exactly what I should do, but I just can't make myself do it, instead procrastination. Everything seems to be
better than sitting down and writing music. Even writing that post and asking for help is hard to do
So sorry for the longwinding text but I thought a bit of context would be good and I know that this is a topic thats kind of useless to talk about, because there is not really an answer, but I try it anyway
Do you have any suggestions? How do you deal with the problem? Has anyone really solved the problem? Was giving up on music ever a thing for you?
And for me it is not even about doing it professionally but even as a hobby, but even for a hobby I would like to be able to finish music.
Thanks for any help or suggestions
I hope my english is not too bad
Greeting Denise