Procrastination to a point of giving up music

[Crowe]

@Crowe First of all I wanna give you a virtual hug, because when I read your post I teard up.

I see myself in that 100% but maybe that is also a part of the problem. I love music so much, that I attach myself to much to my music because the feeling I have while listening to a piece or song, I want to have other people to also have with my music. Not out of ego shit, but I know how music helped me through the toughest times, so maybe I just want to help others the same way and so I put a shit ton of pressure onto myself to make the best music possible. Thats why exercises stil work for me because I know that those things never see the light of day, so there is no pressure. I don‘t know if that makes sense

anyway I hope there is someone who can help you and that you maybe have a comeback with music and can bring joy to people through it.

Your virtual hug is very much appreciated. We can all use some support sometimes.

I hope that finding joy in something music related will help. I'm cautiously optimistic.

And yes. I was just editing my post when you quoted me. It all boils down to pressure. I currently believe then when I can rekindle a feeling of happiness in the process of doing music, the rest will follow eventually.

I think Marie Kondo has got the right idea. "Does this spark joy?"

It's all I got to go on, anyway.

 

[NekujaK]

Hello everybody,

so I got to a point today, where I really don't know anymore what to do, so I tought I could get some input
from you people

I know that most of us struggle with the same problem over time, some more some less.
Steven Pressfield in his book "The War of Art" calls it resistance, you can call it negative self talk I call it "the f*** devil" that little voice in our head that keeps talking to us as if we are a piece of shit not being able to accomplish anything.
I know that feeling very well for now nearly ten years, it was always a problem, but I feel right know I am on a point where I want to give up and say "OK you defeated me", but I know that would be wrong.

Music was always an important part of my life. I started with learning to play the drums in 2010 (later in life ) just for fun
and the first time I sat behind the Kit of my teacher, I knew I will never do anything else in my life than music. I didn't know what that life in music would look like but I knew that this is it.
So end of 2011 I went for two years to a school for audio engineering.
There I discoverd the love of writing music, not just the technical recording stuff. So I wanted the film music stuff (what else) and even
when that was not what the school really taught, they were very kind and let me do kind of my thing and I had great teachers everything seemed to be perfect.
In 2013 I got my degree and had already kind of a vague idea how to go about it and a few days before the school officially ended my mom died and from that day on my whole life was thrown upside down and it never really got back into "normal state" because one shitty thing after the other came and so I never had time and energy to really focus on my music so I kind of put it on hold.
I always did a bit here and there, aquired a ton of sample libraries etc took courses, read a lot of books. My technical skill of composition got better, but my actual skill was kind of left behind because I had no real goal, no "deadline" like in school etc.
So this was the time when the negative self talk started. I'm not good enough, it is not interesting enough etc. I think you know that game.
In those 10+ years I still learned a lot but not to a point were I think I should be musically speaking. It just gets harder and harder to sit down and write music because the resistance is getting stronger and stronger. Pressfield in his book says the stronger the resistance is that you feel, the closer you are towards the right thing. But to be honest right know I don't feel like this is true at all.

In my head I know exactly what I should do, but I just can't make myself do it, instead procrastination. Everything seems to be
better than sitting down and writing music. Even writing that post and asking for help is hard to do

So sorry for the longwinding text but I thought a bit of context would be good and I know that this is a topic thats kind of useless to talk about, because there is not really an answer, but I try it anyway
Do you have any suggestions? How do you deal with the problem? Has anyone really solved the problem? Was giving up on music ever a thing for you?
And for me it is not even about doing it professionally but even as a hobby, but even for a hobby I would like to be able to finish music.

Thanks for any help or suggestions
I hope my english is not too bad

Greeting Denise

Music is art, and people create art to express themselves. But sometimes, we aren't motivated to create anything because we simply have nothing to say or aren't in the right frame of mind to create.

About 15 years ago, I stopped making music for about 7 years. Partly because I had nothing I wanted to express musically, and partly because I got into photography and video production, which became my new outlet for self expression. But after 7 years, I felt like I had reached my limits with that, so I returned to music with a fresh perspective and renewed enthusiasm.

If music isn't calling to you right now, don't stress over it. Art, especially if you're not doing it for money, shouldn't feel like a chore. Forget about DAWs, plugins, and sample libraries, and just use this time for self reflection to figure out what it is you need/want to express. And when you're ready, the music will start flowing again.

 

[JohnG]

I really don't know anymore what to do

Well, you have our sympathy; that sounds rough.

First off, you don't have to do anything at all. Second, we all eventually have to face "the judge," but it sounds as though you're putting The Judge too early -- like immediately. So of course nothing sounds any good.

Virtual instruments are brutally time-consuming so dragging in your judgemental side too soon inevitably will spoil everything -- no fun, and no music.

Be Kind to Yourself

Sometimes it can take five hours to generate an apparently straightforward crescendo, using virtual instruments or even straight synths. If you start saying, "this is rubbish" in the first minutes, you can't sustain the effort or attention to get there by mid-afternoon with something that may be pretty good.

I think you and others put the needle on the spot when you mentioned your love of drumming. So do that. Or noodle on a piano / guitar; sing to yourself.

Anything that is Just For Fun is a good plan in life. If we start comparing to our heroes, we're doomed at the outset.

Be kind to yourself.

 

[dgburns]

Collaborate.

-it gets you out of your head
-it fosters connection
-it forces you to assess your current skillsets
-it allows you to share ideas
-it opens you up to new ways of doing things

And if all that fails, you can blame it on your collaborator if it goes to pot !!! ( joking of course )

So find someone to collaborate with, set a realistic goal to achieve, it could be anything, but keep it realistic. And follow through on that plan.

Forget about that little voice that says you can’t, because it really just is inertia, since a body at rest tends to stay at rest, a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

 

[macmac]

@Crowe First of all I wanna give you a virtual hug, because when I read your post I teard up.

I see myself in that 100% but maybe that is also a part of the problem. I love music so much, that I attach myself to much to my music because the feeling I have while listening to a piece or song, I want to have other people to also have with my music. Not out of ego shit, but I know how music helped me through the toughest times, so maybe I just want to help others the same way and so I put a shit ton of pressure onto myself to make the best music possible. Thats why exercises stil work for me because I know that those things never see the light of day, so there is no pressure. I don‘t know if that makes sense

anyway I hope there is someone who can help you and that you maybe have a comeback with music and can bring joy to people through it.

That must be frustrating. I think that being attached to an outcome—and placing expectations on yourself and on the results—can put a lot of pressure and/or anxiety (and it is usually disappointing). I think that’s why you said you do music better when you just are doing it for fun with no real attachments or expectations, because it’s the ‘letting go’, much like ‘throwing spaghetti on the wall and if it sticks it sticks; if not, who cares’. It releases the pressure of it ‘having to be good’.

Having goals and working toward them in a determined way is fine. But I think putting pressure on yourself to be good can turn from ambition to tension, which becomes a roadblock.

If you can, try to have fun with no pressure on yourself about whether the music is good or bad. Just let your inner spirit play for a while. Let whatever comes out come out, without censoring, criticizing, or judging it. I think the more you relax, the more the good results will flow once again. Best to you!!!

 

[VSTHero]

i had an artist who friend once told me the best painters he knew were the ones who got the most enjoyment out of simple act of the brush strokes; there might be something to focusing in on what is enjoyable in putting together music and nurturing/practicing that; letting go of the external pressures that have built up and the focus on outcomes. We’re also all poor judges of how other people will experience our work.

 

[HCMarkus]

it sounds as though you're putting The Judge too early -- like immediately. So of course nothing sounds any good.

This.

I am still amazed at how a piece that sounds terrible as it is being built can suddenly get to the point that a little bit of magic happens.

But that takes patience and perseverance, and it ain't always fun every lonely step of the way.

Collaborate.

THIS is an excellent way to move forward when that lonely journey loses its luster.

Suddenly, your judgment is not the only control in the creative process. Boundaries are expanded and, if you've found a compatible musical partner, you've got someone supporting decisions and ratifying outcomes. And you've got someone who is relying on you to do your best, to finish the tasks you have taken on.

After a while, people might even want to start paying you!

 

[Henrik B. Jensen]

I doubt it's a question of putting The Judge too early. It's more likely, if OP is like me, that no matter how much work you put into it, it just never ends up sounding any good. So why bother.

 

[Henrik B. Jensen]

Maybe the problem is that sometimes we humans want to do something in life which we don't really have the knack for?

Then no matter how helpful people are and how much advice we're given, we don't really get anywhere with the thing we're pursuing.

Whereas if we spent our time doing something which we DO have the knack for, we'd be much more happy with life

 

[Braveheart]

Collaborate.

-it gets you out of your head
-it fosters connection
-it forces you to assess your current skillsets
-it allows you to share ideas
-it opens you up to new ways of doing things

And if all that fails, you can blame it on your collaborator if it goes to pot !!! ( joking of course )

So find someone to collaborate with, set a realistic goal to achieve, it could be anything, but keep it realistic. And follow through on that plan.

Forget about that little voice that says you can’t, because it really just is inertia, since a body at rest tends to stay at rest, a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

Exactly. For me, collaborating is the way that led me from noodling and doing next to nothing for years, to finally release my first single with another singer recently.

 

[utopia]

The only motivation that consistently helped me is love for music itself. I’ve started learning when I was 7, I’m 37 now and in the end the only thing that never fails to work is the love for the process itself. I know this is not easy and I also suffer imposter syndrome. Still whatever that devil inside says, the love for the craft allways seems to outweigh.
Experiencing other art is also great. Going to museums, concerts etc. Maybe listen to some Mahler- seems to always work here. Whishing you all the best man!

 

[Gauss]

This is not a Judge. The little voice inside your head is not there to judge you. It is trying to PROTECT you from failing. But it can get overprotective. So it stops you from ever trying, because if you don't try, you cannot fail. You cannot lose if you don't play.



But when it comes to music it can be hard. Because what we usually do is writing 8 bars of music and then we ask ourselves: "Is it better than Williams? Is it better than Zimmer?" And the answer always will be "No!". But that is because that you compare yourself to the 0,01% of the top composers. And because you see only the finished piece. You don't see tens of hours of hard work, hundreds of not finished pieces and thousands of rejected ideas.
We use to think that composer sits at the desk, and after 10 minutes BOOM, the "Star Wars Theme" or "Interstellar".

The real question should ”Is this better than my works from 3 months ago". If the answer is "Yes!", then Congratulations, you have progressed. Keep doing what you are doing and you will get even better. But if the answer is "No.", you ask a following question "Why?". And believe me that little voice will tell you exactly why this is bad. It can be overwhelming, because there will be a lot of things... But now... You have a list of what you need to work on. And when you know what is bad, you can fix things one by one.

And this is the hard part. Because this is the moment you realize that music is equal amount art and craft.

Even if you have the best idea ever. The melody better than "Pirates of the Caribbean", if your craft is not good, you will not be able to turn it into a finished piece. And then you will think that your idea suck.

This is this one of those paradoxical loops that you cannot seem to break. The downward spiral.
"I cannot get a job, because I'm inexperienced. I'm inexperienced, because I cannot get a job."
And the same thing is with music. "I don't write music, because I don't have good ideas. I don't have good ideas, because I don't write music." The only way to break that loop is starting to write music.

Recently I was making some cleaning of my hard drive and went over my old unfinished works from 5 years ago. Most of them were just things I thought were not good. But when I opened some of the projects by brain went "I can make it work.". I was in shock, because what I expected was "No surprise there, this suck", but my brain was quite positive. "Me" from 5 years ago thought that those could never be turned into something good. But now, after 5 years I see that it is not that hopeless as once I thought.

And the last thing, the most optimistic one. There is ALWAYS someone who will appreciate your work, no matter how bad you think it is.
Almost 17 years ago I put on my MySpace page (yes, MySpace) some of my music noodles. Simple ideas with 3 or 4 instruments. Nothing special, actually quite bad. I forgot this for a very long time and even got my account deleted. I also stopped writing music and playing guitar. And then, a few years ago I got email with a question if I have one of those pieces of music on my hard drive and if that person can use it for their project. At first I thought that this is some kind of spam bot, but it turned out that was a real person who really liked that piece. We still keep in touch to this day. And after that initial conversation I decided to write music again.

So you can never know the effect your music will have on someones life. Even of you think your music is bad.

 

[Argy Ottas]

I've been in the same boat multiple times. Finally, I can pinpoint the reason: sometimes I can't stand sample libraries. As I progress, learn, and feel the orchestra more, the available sample libraries increasingly discourage me. However, I make an effort to appreciate the level of achievement reached by some developers.

 

[Louie]

OP, it doesn't sound like you really want to quit. I would say it would be a good time to re-frame. Consider stopping completely for maybe even a few weeks (if you don't have any hard commitments).

Pianist/composer/educator Kenny Werner worked out a system addressing what you described in your post and what many musicians experience. He has helped a lot of musicians.

Kenny Werner | Effortless Mastery

Pianist, Composer, Author, Lecturer

kennywerner.com

I still experience negative self-talk, but the consistent mindfulness/mantra practice I've learned has given me the awareness to recognize when it arises, not take it seriously, and let go of those thoughts. I could never quit music, but I drastically re-wired my relationship to music. The book gave me a framework to start the process.

The concept is to gradually reverse one's fundamental relationship with music from something that has became pressure and externally based (there are a whole lot of cultural, educational, and business reasons why this happens), into something that is again, enjoyable, challenging, and intrinsically rewarding. It is partly an intellectual process of myth busting, combined with the much more important skill building through mantra practice.

The key is: music skill building provides material to practice focus, calmness, and concentration--flow, and feeding the daily mantra cultivates the consistency and patient mindset to build and eventually master the skill/material over a long period of time. So practicing music becomes all about getting into a flow state, not so much about the end result, but the goal or target is very helpful for getting into the flow state, the process and goal are complimentary. It's turned around from how we are normally conditioned on external goals. The goal is there to provide conditions for flow. The flow or process is the reward, the goal is of secondary importance. This is why exterior goals or deadlines often make people more productive, and when we are no longer in the more or less transitory situation required to meet those deadlines or commitments (like after we graduate, retire, move, etc.), we can find ourselves kind of wandering. The remedy is consistent mantra practice with long-term goals that are rewarding to pursue, in and of themselves (no external reward necessary).

This post was originally much longer, as this is something I'm passionate about has borne a lot of fruit for me. I'm a much better musician as a result of this practice. It does take a while to realize the fruits--the key is consistency, working smart, and sticking with something until it truly becomes second nature, before moving on. Think of climbing a mountain one step at a time, while cultivating enjoying it every step of the way, absorbing the journey, not just obsession with the summit. When you start it looks impossible--the inner critic would have never believed you could do it. Then you get to the summit (your summit), look down and pinch yourself.





-

 

[dzilizzi]

For me, what helped the most was taking classes at the local community college/junior college. Having assignments with due dates really helped. I've tried to do it only my own, but at the second roadblock, I usually give up. I have a lot of unfinished bits and pieces.

Currently, I just moved - okay, five months ago. I am still unpacking and trying to find things and get set up. I do retire in less than 2 months, so I am giving myself some leeway on this. I hope I can be more self motivated once everything it set up and I actually have time to play around. Otherwise, I will need to find some kind of school where I can take classes that will make me do the work.

 

[Greyscale]

@Louie Thanks for the book recommendation, I know the book from its cover but never read it, so I will dive into it.

The thing is I had this kind of flow state while I was playing/learning drums. And I never had such an experience with composing. I can loose myself in the process from time to time, but only with stuff that is not „the thing I really want to do“ which in my case is being able to write orchestral music. If I dive into other genres I have fun, because the pressure is not there and I just see it as fun, but sitting down to compose a orchestral piece, my mind freezes and everything turns into shit. I figured that most of this is probably due to my ego. So maybe I have to re-think this whole thing as well.

Thank you for the recommendation and help

 

[Greyscale]

For me, what helped the most was taking classes at the local community college/junior college. Having assignments with due dates really helped. I've tried to do it only my own, but at the second roadblock, I usually give up. I have a lot of unfinished bits and pieces.

Currently, I just moved - okay, five months ago. I am still unpacking and trying to find things and get set up. I do retire in less than 2 months, so I am giving myself some leeway on this. I hope I can be more self motivated once everything it set up and I actually have time to play around. Otherwise, I will need to find some kind of school where I can take classes that will make me do the work.

Yeah the deadline thing is a big part of it. Because when I was in school I hadn‘t had that problem at all. But you are also surrounded by other musicians of all genres and levels so the vibe is just different, than you sitting in front of your DAW and trying to get things done.

Thanks and good luck for you to get back

 

[Greyscale]

The only motivation that consistently helped me is love for music itself. I’ve started learning when I was 7, I’m 37 now and in the end the only thing that never fails to work is the love for the process itself. I know this is not easy and I also suffer imposter syndrome. Still whatever that devil inside says, the love for the craft allways seems to outweigh.
Experiencing other art is also great. Going to museums, concerts etc. Maybe listen to some Mahler- seems to always work here. Whishing you all the best man!

Absolutely. I love the actual craft behind composing. I know that the process is the most important thing in this whole music makeing thing because this is where the fun is and the positive mental outcome. And I know that feeling very well, but there are points when I get overwhelmed and then the whole thing turns into a super negative feeling which then feels like a spiraling down into absolute nothingness.

 

[Greyscale]

But when it comes to music it can be hard. Because what we usually do is writing 8 bars of music and then we ask ourselves: "Is it better than Williams? Is it better than Zimmer?" And the answer always will be "No!". But that is because that you compare yourself to the 0,01% of the top composers. And because you see only the finished piece. You don't see tens of hours of hard work, hundreds of not finished pieces and thousands of rejected ideas.
We use to think that composer sits at the desk, and after 10 minutes BOOM, the "Star Wars Theme" or "Interstellar".

This is a huge thing. We don‘t see the whole process of those people we just see the end result and think that it is done within a day with a finger snap. Which isn‘t true at all for anyone. I would love to be a fly on the wall during the inital process of one of those composers

 

[Greyscale]

Maybe the problem is that sometimes we humans want to do something in life which we don't really have the knack for?

Then no matter how helpful people are and how much advice we're given, we don't really get anywhere with the thing we're pursuing.

Whereas if we spent our time doing something which we DO have the knack for, we'd be much more happy with life

I don‘t know. At least I hope that that is not true. I think everyone can learn anything. Sure some people will be quicker in learning specific things others a little slower. Thats why I also don’t like when people come and say „someone is talented“. I don‘t believe in talent only in hard work. Maybe some people are mentally more stable and don‘t suffer as much from negative self talk etc. but I think everyone has the ability to learn any skill.