# My mindset on my own music has changed



## Haakond (Jul 7, 2020)

Hi everybody!
I have a question that has been bothering me the last weeks, and I am wondering if more people feel the same way.

2020 has been for me (if you exclude covid-19) a great year. From composing some small and free games and films with no budget, I am suddenly in the position where I have signed contracts on fantastic gigs that I could only dream of before. 
Now I get a steady income from music, and I use almost all of my time composing (I have a full-time day job too).

The last weeks, my mindset on my own music has changed a bit. I dont spend more or less time composing now than before, but I went from working on a single track for weeks, to working on a song for 1-2 days before finishing it and sending it to the developer/director. Before, I could spend days on one single detail, mixing etc. Now I have to do it faster.

I think (From my perspective) the quality of the music is the same, but I dont feel the same connection to it anymore. Now, each song I finish is «just another song». When I used more time on each song, I felt more connected to the music and could remember each single note from it. Now I can find myself listening to a song I made and not remembering what part comes next. I am still very proud of my music, and I love doing this. But I dont get the same connection to each song as before.

Does anybody else feel the same way? My guess would be that it is because I produce a lot more than before, and dont have the time to listen and work on each song as before.

Any thoughts or feedback would be very much appriciated


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## Gerbil (Jul 7, 2020)

Haakond said:


> I am still very proud of my music, and I love doing this.


If you're making money and enjoy it then that's a win, but maybe you'll feel more complete by working on other non-commercial projects on the side?


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## Haakond (Jul 7, 2020)

Gerbil said:


> If you're making money and enjoy it then that's a win, but maybe you'll feel more complete by working on other non-commercial projects on the side?



Yes, I still enjoy it as much as I did before. And I feel very lucky. It is just the feeling of losing control over what I actually produce. 
Yes, just making music for myself would maybe give me more «connection»


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## Dominik Raab (Jul 7, 2020)

Hobbyist with no aspirations butting in—feel free to ignore me if you’re exclusively looking to hear from people with business experience.

What I’m wondering is this: do you feel like working on a track for weeks and obsessing over details makes your music better than having to do it fast? You’re saying the quality is the same, so the extra time you used to spend could be:

a) tiny little improvements that don’t add a lot to the final product.
b) your way of enjoying and connecting to your music.

Yet you enjoy it as much as you did before. What are you worried about, in terms of “losing control”? We often feel an indeterminate sense of worry (especially in creative endeavours) that we can’t quite place. Once we try placing it, as human beings, we might either find out what was bugging us all along (and be able to solve it), or we realise we were worried over nothing.

As esoteric as my ramblings may sound—I think you could benefit from sitting down and just thinking about what you’re worried about. If I had any money to spend, I’d place a bet that says you’ll find out you were worried over nothing.

Sometimes, things change and feel different. They’re not better or worse, they’re just different. Change is strange and makes us worry, but looking at both the actual facts and the deeper cause of what we’re experiencing emotionally can take that worry away by making us realise it was change itself that made us feel worried. The process is still great, the outcome is still great, so why worry?


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## Dietz (Jul 8, 2020)

Haakond said:


> I am still very proud of my music, and I love doing this. But I dont get the same connection to each song as before.


Welcome to the world of professionals! To "let go" stuff in time is maybe the most underrated talent separating pros from skilful amateurs*).



_*)... "amateur" in the actual sense of the word: Someone who loves doing something, just for the sake of it._


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## Haakond (Jul 8, 2020)

Dominik Raab said:


> Hobbyist with no aspirations butting in—feel free to ignore me if you’re exclusively looking to hear from people with business experience.
> 
> What I’m wondering is this: do you feel like working on a track for weeks and obsessing over details makes your music better than having to do it fast? You’re saying the quality is the same, so the extra time you used to spend could be:
> 
> ...



I am open for all kinds of f, from beginners to professionals  

I think you are right here. I sat down and was thinking about what you wrote. It may be just the change that is different. And when things change and are not «normal» anymore, you start to worry that the new situation is wrong. When I wrote this post, I had some problems finding the right way to specify exactly what I worry about. And that could maybe be a good thing? Because then there may be nothing to actually worry about after all 




Dietz said:


> Welcome to the world of professionals! To "let go" stuff in time is maybe the most underrated talent separating pros from skilful amateurs*).
> 
> 
> 
> _*)... "amateur" in the actual sense of the word: Someone who loves doing something, just for the sake of it._



That sounds very correct! To be able to just finish what you need, and not spend hours on stuff that is not important!


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## Keith Theodosiou (Jul 8, 2020)

Maybe before, you was composing for yourself, writing what you wanted to hear but now, although you are still writing the music, it's probably not what you would have writen for yourself. If you are writing for someone else, they usually tell you what they want to hear so maybe there isn't so much of a 'connection' to that music you write.
Does that make sense?


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## Saxer (Jul 8, 2020)

Try to see the good part of it. I have fun opening some older projects and find stuff I have completely forgotton. Hey, really, I did this? It's way better than a painter who has to give his work away forever. And I think the music geht's better when you are able to work faster. It's easier to keep the freshness for the ears and don't get lost in details.


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## Arbee (Jul 8, 2020)

Having been on both sides of this dilemma during my life I believe that detachment is a real positive, not just because of time, but because you can retain some level of objectivity. Getting too close and absorbed in the detail does not necessarity make better music in my experience, it can actually do harm to a good concept.


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## doctoremmet (Jul 8, 2020)

Another hobbyist here. Hi @Haakond - IIRC I listened to some of the piano stuff for the golf game a while back and had a look at your new website. Cool to hear you’re taking off!

Anyway. Just here to say, maybe a nice documentary for you to watch is this one:



Back in the day it made me look differently at some of my own “perfectionism” hangups. Not implying you have those!!


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## reborn579 (Jul 8, 2020)

Haakond said:


> Hi everybody!
> I have a question that has been bothering me the last weeks, and I am wondering if more people feel the same way.
> 
> 2020 has been for me (if you exclude covid-19) a great year. From composing some small and free games and films with no budget, I am suddenly in the position where I have signed contracts on fantastic gigs that I could only dream of before.
> ...



i feel the same thing. for me it depends what i'm working on. if it's something for a client i will make it faster, but if it's my own personal music (i.e. working on an album) i will take forever. 

i guess it's about the purpose of each approach. soundtrack music is meant to be in the background. no matter how great it is (75% of the music i listen to is OST albums), it's still tied to a story. but if you make an album, the album IS the story, so every little note needs to be taken care of, because everything is important and nothing is part of the 'background'.


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## Alex Fraser (Jul 8, 2020)

First of all, congratulations on the career boost! 
In my experience:

*Composing for yourself* = Luxuriating in the options, exploring different ideas, creating your own sounds.

*Composing to deadline or for $$* = Going straight the sounds you know work best, choosing the first idea, shortcutting the process. (Templates etc.)

I wouldn't worry too much about it, it's a necessary process. It's just that now you're wearing a different hat and composing for someone else. Actually, I think it's a requirement to be able to step back and distance yourself from your work. So whilst you might miss the personal connection, it's absence will help when the director delivers a fifth round of "notes.." 😭

_A_


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## MA-Simon (Jul 8, 2020)

Yes, detachement.

I work as a graphic designer fulltime. The ability to NOT connect with your work on a sickly level is important.

Not every thing you produce needs to be "AAA". I made the mistake earlier in life and compared everything I do to people famous on concept art sites. But you know, the world is a big place. Nobody expects you to be incredible on each thing you do. Just: "Good enough". These famous concept art people have lots of shitty averange work too...


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## doctoremmet (Jul 8, 2020)

Alex Fraser said:


> First of all, congratulations on the career boost!
> In my experience:
> 
> *Composing for yourself* = Luxuriating in the options, exploring different ideas, creating your own sounds.
> ...


^ this


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## doctoremmet (Jul 8, 2020)

MA-Simon said:


> Yes, detachement.
> 
> I work as a graphic designer fulltime. The ability to NOT connect with your work on a sickly level is important.
> 
> Not every thing you produce needs to be "AAA". I made the mistake earlier in life and compared everything I do to people famous on concept art sites. But you know, the world is a big place. Nobody expects you to be incredible on each thing you do. Just: "Good enough". These famous concept art people have lots of shitty averange work too...


^ this


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## Daryl (Jul 8, 2020)

MA-Simon said:


> Yes, detachement.
> 
> I work as a graphic designer fulltime. The ability to NOT connect with your work on a sickly level is important.


I disagree. I think, as a composer, you have to connect to your work, or else you won't connect with an audience. However, what is important is to be able to take your composer hat off, once you have finished writing, and then put your arranger hat on, when talking to the producer/director.


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## MA-Simon (Jul 8, 2020)

Daryl said:


> I disagree. I think, as a composer, you have to connect to your work, or else you won't connect with an audience.


I feel this is not that important, because uh..."fuck the audience", I do music for myself first! I want to like my stuff, or... as a tool to get me more money, then, I do not care.

Edit: In reality my audience will like most of the stuff I do not connect with. So for me that is why it is important to not connect to much with your work. You never know what they will like.


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## Daryl (Jul 8, 2020)

MA-Simon said:


> I feel this is not that important, because uh..."fuck the audience", I do music for myself first! I want to like my stuff, or... as a tool to get me more money, then, I do not care.
> 
> Edit: In reality my audience will like most of the stuff I do not connect with. So for me that is why it is important to not connect to much with your work. You never know what they will like.


You're entitled to your opinion, of course. I can only tell you the way I think, and it has served me well for many years, and made me very successful as a composer. I can't say what would work for a graphic designer, as I have no experience in that field.


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## Atardecer (Jul 8, 2020)

Yeah sort of in the inverse, but same situation. I got so used to writing quickly for film and TV work. Getting 2-3 mins of finished music out a day. It was good for chops and skills but I started to see music as a commodity first, and artform second because it felt like the factory production line. I still kept my standards, but I was less picky about ehat I was doing. As a horrible perfectionist, it just meant my hours were longer than they could've been.

With some downtime in the studio I've taken to working on an album, largely to keep busy and focussed. Making music that is just for me, music that won't go to a director or producer and be critiqued or pulled apart, or that has a particular purpose. And rather than having ti bust it out within a day or two, I'm taking my time with the tracks. The difference is astonishing. My love for it is back and I really look forward to being in the studio, whereas before i was getting a bit jaded. And the work is much better, go figure. In the end, when you start doing what you love for a living, be prepared that it might change the nature of what it means to you a bit because of the nature of it being restrictive. That's OK, but it's important to keep it in perspective and make time when you can for those musical pursuits that remind you of why you started doing this stuff in the first place.


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## Rick McGuire (Jul 8, 2020)

Hard to know if I'm composing for fun anymore. I think I look at composition more of a puzzle to be solved: how well I can engage the listener, how well I can get the mix, the orchestration, the voice-leading, the sound design, etc. Music to me during the past few years in college and especially during this pandemic has turned more into problem-solving and figuring out "what works." I suppose music to me is less of an art and more of a craft. I've tried to write for pleasure but it ends up being music I can make money off of. I agree with you that there are some emotional diminishing returns with writing track after track. For me I'm just trying to make the next track my best one. 

This could be read as sad but I believe in the utility of music and what makes it "successful" more than whether it's unique. I think it takes greater skill to compose in the vernacular of a style rather than try to create something revolutionary. Maybe in the grand scheme of things no one will remember my music but history only grants a handful of revolutionaries. Unrealistic for me to think I'd be one of them. 

I used to have romantic aspirations of writing symphonies and having my music played by big orchestras (I'm pretty young in my career so who knows, maybe that'll happen), but now I'm more interested in why a piece succeeds or fails in engaging a listener. Whether that's with samples or live players, to me it's just about the music. Just my two cents


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## Haakond (Jul 10, 2020)

Thank you very much for all the feedback here. I have read all of your posts multiple times now. I believe that what scared me is nothing to be afraid of. It is harder to connect to something when it is not completely "yours". When I make music to a project it will be for that specific project, and maybe not what I want. And that is fine. As long as it fits the project I am working on, and the developer is happy. And I go more for "I know this and that will work", rather than taking time to experiment with a lot of things I am not sure how will be. 

There have been months since I worked on something that will be "just for me". But I don't mind, as long as I have fun either way.

So thanks for all the replies. I am kinda glad more people feel the same way.


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## Rasoul Morteza (Jul 10, 2020)

It may also be that those music which you wrote and keep listening to, is quite original or unique to your brain. In the sense that you don't find something similar elsewhere, therefore you keep gravitating towards what you wrote and create some sort of attachement. It's only a possibility, and maybe one of the least plausible causes.

And of course this is a wild guess, my theory might be complete nonsense (it probably is!) 

Cheers


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## tav.one (Jul 11, 2020)

I’ve gone through the same change and I am indeed happier about it. I miss the feeling of having deep feelings with every song I made, but I feel great that I’m creating more music than ever. I’m focused on providing value to the world with my music.

Clients/directors are happier for faster deliveries, quality is improving at much faster speed now, portfolio and bank balance are growing faster as well.

I’m actually getting more/better ideas for my personal tracks as well.

This feels new but its definitely a “turning pro” moment.


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