# Social life away from work...is it possible??



## mjc (Jan 24, 2010)

Hey guys,

During my final year of studying a couple of years ago my film scoring lecturer (and great mentor) was really adamant about the hours involved when one's career takes off. He is a very genuine guy and not one to blow his own trumpet but was (a no doubt still is) what one would call a workaholic. He'd come to class having not slept for days (though still teach a killer class) because he'd been juggling up to seven jobs at once. I remember him telling me he composed 40 minutes of music in two or three days when things got really full on. Like I said, he's a extremely sincere and no bullshit guy and was very much "this is the way things get in the film composer's world", "jobs will overlap", "many sleepless nights are inevitable" etc...then I asked him about his social life; If he ever gets time to hang out with friends, have time to take a break etc...his basic answer was no but replied with "it's not exactly a loss, it's a beautiful thing having the chance to influence people's emotions and feelings with music through picture"."When things get full on, it should be an adrenaline rush, exciting and challenging. If it's not, maybe this isn't the career you should be getting yourself into".

As a pup in the industry, this is something I'm weary of. I have a healthy social life which I think is important for one's well being. How do you guys go about this? Do you still lead a healthy lifestyle and personal well being? Is it a struggle to have time for friends/family? 

Your thoughts? 

Cheers,
Andy


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## PaulWood (Jan 24, 2010)

I come from a theatrical background, and being on tour for months at a time, as well as working on multiple shows simultaneously does take a toll.

I find - and this is not exactly healthy in terms of social relationships - that the people I socialise with most are those on the same tours / doing the same shows as me.

At the very least, I only really socalise with people in the "theatre" industry - the hours are unsociable 

I don't know how that would apply to the film music industry, but I would imagine that it is similar.



> Do you still lead a healthy lifestyle and personal well being? Is it a struggle to have time for friends/family?



The simplistic answers are a) no, and b) yes (in that order). However, that is mostly because I tend to get so wrapped up in my work and don't put the effort in to make time for anything else....!

Burnout coming 

The best advice I can give (in a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do kind of way) is to put that effort in.

HTH,

Paul


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## Ned Bouhalassa (Jan 24, 2010)

We should all be so lucky as to have too much work to see our friends/shows, etc. I've been there and, while it was a drag, I never forgot how lucky I was compared to many of my colleagues...  

I wouldn't worry about it until everyone complains and your partner threatens to leave you.


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## midphase (Jan 24, 2010)

"Your thoughts? "

I think your teacher has a problem and needs help. You are absolutely right, a social life is important as a functional member of society. This is a job, not slavery. Sometimes it's better to turn work down than to foresake your friends and family. I think it's all about balance and for once I disagree with Ned and say that there's no luck in being so busy that your personal relationships suffer.

We're composers, we're not curing cancer! If your teacher wants to influence people's lives and emotions, tell him to jump on a plane and go volunteer in Haiti.


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## Ned Bouhalassa (Jan 24, 2010)

Well I wasn't advocating being busy for the rest of your life! In my case, it was about 9 months of no shows/movies/parties, and the only friends I hung out with are those that came over for supper/lunch. I have to admit to admit that it did make me appreciate my social life when I got it back. It _was_ a long break, but it was a break not a lifetime change.


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## Frederick Russ (Jan 24, 2010)

Its all about balance. Its important to create and to work. Its also important to smell the roses and open the heart to friendship and family. Consider how that process can actually help creatively as well. A day without laughter is a day lost imo.

Although I admire your instructor's tenacity that causes him to burn the candle at both ends, eventually the two reach the middle and its inevitable - there will be burn out. Not worth it here.


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## Blackster (Jan 24, 2010)

I think this topic is very important. Two years ago I worked almost every day all day long. The result of that was simple:
- my social life (which was and still is) became still less until it was almost "nothing"
- the only way I communicated was via email or phone BUT solely to clients or musicians or co-composers, no friends at all
- because of that I lost weight (best diet I can recommend), felt unhealthy and unathletic
- my girlfriend started to complain about the situation because I was doing nothing else but sitting in front of the piano and a bunch of computers all day long

So I decided to change that because I don't want to die because of unhealthy behaviour within the next 10 years. 

No I set deadlines in an relaxed frame and always take care of seeing friends and doing some sports. I try to protect this social part of my life from the working-part. 

I feel much better now


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## Dave Connor (Jan 24, 2010)

No.


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## Dave Connor (Jan 24, 2010)

Yes.

(Double post yielded existential view)


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## lux (Jan 24, 2010)

i no mean to be an ass, and understand the sincere nature of the OT's question, but...

are you guys serious? I wonder how comes that one needs to know or ask to teachers/mentors if he can or cannot have a social life. It sounds utterly (re-peat uses it every time so i wanted to use it too) ridicolous.

Its just another example of "professionalistic" speaking down to the bar. I just hate this stuff, as much as i hate people telling me how comes with kids, with marriage, with work. 

I think this question doesnt need to be asked. It subtly assumes you want people to tell what kind of man/woman you are or what you need to think about or conduct your life or whatever. 

Assumed that having a social life is something tangible and measurable (and it isnt) my take at it is:

- If youre slow you will not have a social life. 
- If youre fast you'll have. 
- If youre slow and have help you'll have a social life. 
- if youre fast and do more work as you can carry you will not have a social life. 
- If youre slow, fast or average and spend too much on vicontrol you will definitely not have a social life..

..more to come soon...

Luca


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## Aaron Sapp (Jan 25, 2010)

I really don't think composition as a career is for everyone. Super-talented or not. I'm kind of a temperamental guy, so the hermit lifestyle suited me fine. But like any other human being, I've had my bouts of depression from the extensive isolationism inherent with this field of work. Your teacher is right though in that the process of composing/producing itself can really be a high, which often serves as a distraction. Not always.

In my opinion if you're the kind of person who must be around other people constantly to feel at ease, a career in composition is going to be that much more difficult for you than it already is. Though with that said, success is meaningless when you have nobody to share it with. Yeah, so you score some great flick and make a ton of money -- but you have no friends, no girlfrieind, nobody. What's the point? It doesn't boil down to your priorities either, as they can often shift with all of life's rites of passage that we are all privvy to experiencing.

I think most composers who are making a living today have gone through quite a metamorphosis. Not a journey for the faint of heart. To think what I've gone through to be able to make a living on my own today... 

Babbling...


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## mjc (Jan 25, 2010)

Thanks for the replies as always  

Very interesting to hear different people's opinions on what I see as an important subject.

I suppose I'm not so much looking for 'advice' on this subject matter. Just curious to see if whether or not fellow composers agree with my former lecturer's advice. I assume the best answer is everyone has their way of doing things, and let time and events takes it's course, then make up their own mind  

I do get a kick out of burning the midnight oil, and am quite a perfectionist, pressure on the work front is good for me, so I suppose so far so good! 8) Only time will tell. Maybe a good indication is that to me, nothing is more stressful than having nothing to stress about (if that makes sense hahaha)...anyway I rambling now ~o)


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## Patrick de Caumette (Jan 25, 2010)

Workaholic: yes
No social life: how is one supposed to secure new jobs if not by going out and networking? 
Many of the opportunities that I secured were trigerred by meeting someone at a party, dinner...etc


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## midphase (Jan 25, 2010)

I would like to point out that some of the most successful composers, are very very good with people and social situations. We sometime forget that it's really not about the music, but about relationships with those you work with. My understanding is that guys like Zimmer and Silvestri are exceptionally good in social settings and charm the hell out of everyone.

The hermit-like composers who hardly ever leave their studios are also the ones who have the hardest time finding work.


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## Dave Connor (Jan 25, 2010)

midphase @ Mon Jan 25 said:


> The hermit-like composers who hardly ever leave their studios are also the ones who have the hardest time finding work.



Very very true.


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## bryla (Jan 25, 2010)

re-peat @ Mon Jan 25 said:


> I've never been to a single party in all my professional life. Honest-to-god. And I never go out, I hardly ever meet people (there are clients of mine, whom I worked for over 10 years and who I have never even seen yet), I don't have a cell phone, or a driver's license, or a website ... I live completely on my own, I'm not registered with any of the 'social' internet communities (Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, whatever, ...) and yet, lo and behold, I seem to get more work than I can handle.


That's a fine achievement! You obviously get jobs for word of mouth. I think it's much harder to pull that stunt today than when you started out - before you got your reputation. Today people expect you to have a website and cell phone and what not.


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## Patrick de Caumette (Jan 25, 2010)

re-peat @ Mon Jan 25 said:


> Patrick de Caumette @ Mon Jan 25 said:
> 
> 
> > But I agree it is a bit of an unusual situation and I probably wouldn't last long if I were dropped in a more crowded and competitive environment as the one I'm surrounded with here.
> > _



Just curious Pier, where do you live?


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## re-peat (Jan 25, 2010)

Thomas,

Well, I don't look at it as an achievement really. I never planned a career in music, it just happened. That's not exactly an achievement, is it? Starting out working for the right people (and not disappointing them of course) and from there, one thing leads to another and before you know it, you seem to have ended up in several people's database.
I have to add though that, because of my graphic design work, I'm in the luxurious situation of not really needing to do musical work. If nothing presents itself, that's fine by me too. I never go looking for jobs and I'm certainly not ambitious in that area either. So, that makes things significantly easier, I suppose.

Patrick,

I live in Belgium.
_


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## Blackster (Jan 25, 2010)

Patrick de Caumette @ Mon Jan 25 said:


> Many of the opportunities that I secured were trigerred by meeting someone at a party, dinner...etc



That is different from what I defined to be a social life. Going out for networking, meeting potential clients etc. is part (except for re-peats´ ... sorry, man, couldn't resist, no offense) of our business and the essence of getting a job. I guess most of us are freelancers, so nobody will suddenly get a phone call from Hollywood without having built up a good reputations, some references etc. ... at least I don't believe in that. For sure, a great portion of luck or fortune or whatever you may call it is not unimportant and predictable, but that's another topic. 

For me the social life is meeting friends, talking about other stuff than music, doing sports, spending some time with the family and so on.


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## Dave Connor (Jan 25, 2010)

re-peat @ Mon Jan 25 said:


> I've never been to a single party in all my professional life. Honest-to-god. And I never go out, I hardly ever meet people (there are clients of mine, whom I worked for over 10 years and who I have never even seen yet), I don't have a cell phone, or a driver's license, or a website ...



Well sure, you get all kinds of scenarios of how people get work and what keeps it coming so I don't doubt you at all. The other side of the coin is a sort of percentage game where the more contacts you have the more work you have (unless you have steady work and don't really need to network.) So for many, they have to keep themselves out there in one way or another. I don't really do that kind of thing anymore but probably should do more anyway.


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## snowleopard (Jan 27, 2010)

This isn't neural oncology, or nuclear physics where you are compelled to master your craft for years simply to understand it enough to perform it. So I think your professor is obsessive and an extreme example. Yes, it takes work, but there's still a choice. 

I used to be completely single and a lone wolf. I was highly productive in my artistic, and other endeavors. I worked 40 hours a week at a day job, and another 40 a week at my craft or freelancing. It was nice, but I got lonesome and days and days would go by when I wouldn't see my friends and got tired of being single. 

I started to burn out, and got a girlfriend. This made me happier and we eventually moved in together, bought a house together, etc. And with this, my productivity was cut probably by about 70%. It made be go through miserable fits of frustration with my creative energy unable to release. I get some projects done, but it's a compromise and requires a lot of effort.

Oh, I should note this cycle happened a few times before with girlfriends and social activity. 

If anyone out there finds a perfect medium, let me know.


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