# "...hereby ordered...." [fill in your own]



## JohnG (Aug 23, 2019)

In view of the new Constitution in the USA, I thought it might be entertaining to hear what YOU "hereby order."

So, for example:

"I hereby order no more pizzicato in 'funny' cues."

Please contribute...


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## FinGael (Aug 23, 2019)

I hereby order no more low booms, hits and braams in trailers.


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## John Busby (Aug 23, 2019)

FinGael said:


> I hereby order no more low booms, hits and braams in trailers.


que the pizzicatos then...lol

since we're on trailers, i hereby order the return of the "Movie Voice"


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## Nick Batzdorf (Aug 23, 2019)

I hereby order every Jew and non-Jew to vote Democratic.


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## patrick76 (Aug 23, 2019)

I tried to create a "hereby order" statement, but I couldn't. 

Clean coal!


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## chillbot (Aug 23, 2019)

JohnG said:


> "I hereby order no more pizzicato in 'funny' cues."


No. Just no. What do you expect me to live on??


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## Land of Missing Parts (Aug 23, 2019)

I hereby order that no one shall describe music as _esoteric_ when what they really mean is _atmospheric_.

...Unless they are referring to the secret society cult chants in Bruce Broughton's score to Young Sherlock Holmes.


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## Reid Rosefelt (Aug 23, 2019)

I hereby order that all libraries will have POWER LEGATO!


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## BlackDorito (Aug 23, 2019)

Pursuant to my ongoing peave, I hereby order all upcoming C-minor to Ab Major modulations to be subject to a nuisance tax. 





__





Unpopular request


I get inspired by so many tracks posted here ... but what I am increasingly noticing (a little bit here, but particularly all across SoundCloud) is the Cmin - AbMaj chord progression over and over in 'thoughtful' pieces (slower, non-Action). A simple and humdrum example is: There are many...




vi-control.net





I know there will be a lot of dark money fighting me on this from those powerful interests who stand to gain a lot from bland modulations. They will claim it is a regressive tax that unduly harms poor composers, which is most of us.


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## Polkasound (Aug 23, 2019)

I hereby order that indie girl vocals be banished from the planet. From this day forward, all lyrics will be sung with proper pronunciation.

I hereby order that dialogue in movies is spoken clearly and mixed intelligibly.

I hereby order that drummers who show up late for their gigs be docked 50% pay.

I hereby order that class and dignity be restored to late-night talk shows.

I hereby order KFC to double the size of their chicken pieces.

I hereby order that any polka fan who drives a $40,000 Cadillac and still bitches about paying a $5 cover charge be banished from the polka community and sentenced to live in a nursing home in Fort Meyers, FL.


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## storyteller (Aug 23, 2019)

Polkasound said:


> I hereby order that any polka fan who drives a $40,000 Cadillac and still bitches about paying a $5 cover charge be banished from the polka community and sentenced to live in a nursing home in Fort Meyers, FL.


Whoah. Sounds like this one got a little personal. Ha.


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## Loïc D (Aug 24, 2019)

I hereby order that any use of Autotune shall be taxed according to the correction level.


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## Sears Poncho (Aug 24, 2019)

I hereby order everybody to Wang Chung tonight.


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## Polkasound (Aug 24, 2019)

storyteller said:


> Whoah. Sounds like this one got a little personal. Ha.



Heheheh! Decades ago, live polka music was always free because polka venues were regularly mobbed. As the crowds dwindled in the '80s and '90s and older people started switching from alcohol to water, venues had to start charging a $5 cover. Polka musicians frequently watched in astonishment as some of these people would blow their tops over having to shell out their "life savings" at the door. Then they'd storm out of the bar, get into their brand new Cadillac Sevilles, Mercury Grand Marquis, and Lincoln Town Cars, and drive off in a huff.

Today, the cover charge is the norm, and there is a modest but dedicated base of people who don't mind paying it (and even donating more) week after week. But there is still an even larger base of people who will only come out of the woodwork a few times a year to festivals and other special events where they can get their music for free.

OK, back on topic...

I hereby order all diet soda to come with a warning label that says, "Yeah, it's diet, but this sh*t will still make you fat."

I hereby terminate the concept of Daylight Savings Time. Let's just keep our clocks an hour back and leave them that way all year long.


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## Denkii (Aug 24, 2019)

> I hereby terminate the concept of Daylight Savings Time. Let's just keep our clocks an hour back and leave them that way all year long.



I hereby order that this man gets a kingdom so I can live under his reign. He knows his stuff.


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## Michael Antrum (Aug 24, 2019)

I hereby order that it shall be a capital offence for an ostinato pattern to persist longer than 12 bars without a significant harmonic modulation.....


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## NYC Composer (Aug 25, 2019)

Sears Poncho said:


> I hereby order everybody to Wang Chung tonight.


You had to be there.

Hmmm. In that same vein, I hereby order and decree that the word “retro” be replaced by the longer yet more accurate BWMDS (Back when Music didn’t Suck.)


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## Quasar (Aug 25, 2019)

I hereby order that the US invade Denmark, conquer Greenland, then conscript Greenlanders to build The Wall. And make them pay for it, too.

I further hereby order that it will be a capital crime to say "literally" when one means "figuratively". This misusage literally drives me up the wall. Or it at least it will once it gets built.


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## storyteller (Aug 25, 2019)

Quasar said:


> This misusage literally drives me up the wall. Or it at least it will once it gets built.


But does it "literally", or "figuratively?"  I guess we won't know until it gets built. Unless you meant that in jest... then shame on me for misinterpreting it. ha.


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## Soundhound (Aug 25, 2019)

I hereby decree that the entire english speaking world relearn the usage of apostrophes. ‘s is for possessive, plural gets no apostrophe. Please, this is a sign of the apocalypse. 

Also, at this point can we safely order everyone who voted for Donald Trump to publically apologize? Seems like the perfectly reasonable, civic minded thing to do.


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## CGR (Aug 25, 2019)

I hereby order an end to the "One's annoyed and One's crazy/obnoxious/oblivious" Hollywood Comedy Film Poster cliché:


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## Quasar (Aug 25, 2019)

storyteller said:


> But does it "literally", or "figuratively?"  I guess we won't know until it gets built. Unless you meant that in jest... then shame on me for misinterpreting it. ha.


Yeah, that was supposed to be part of the joke.


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## DavidY (Aug 26, 2019)

I hereby order the people who run cinemas/ movie theaters to turn down the volume.
It really doesn't need to be that loud.


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## chimuelo (Aug 26, 2019)

DavidY said:


> I hereby order the people who run cinemas/ movie theaters to turn down the volume.
> It really doesn't need to be that loud.



That’s no shit.
I have no issues with Expanders increasing the dynamics on the low end, but the Threshold of their Limiters is way too high.

I’m trying to figure out with a friend how we can incorporate a limiter that is automated and catches commercials, not higher dynamics.
It notices the exact level of commercials that are noticeably louder than the films content and consistent because of compression at high ratios with lots of post gain.
Have it drop by 50% until the dB changes.
Software limiters are far more sensitive and cheap.

I have difficulty living in a world where I can’t control the volume.
I’ve even quit bands before because a Guitarist or Drummer wouldn’t heed my requests to blend.
One of the best drummers I’ve ever worked with just smashed his cymbals and whacked his snare so loudly I just bailed on the group.

Like Theaters that don’t take advice from the audience, they stop coming.

Same principle.


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## Polkasound (Aug 26, 2019)

chimuelo said:


> I have difficulty living in a world where I can’t control the volume.



I still use a regular DVD player with analog audio and video outputs just so I can route the audio through a compressor/limiter. To understand the quietest dialogue in DVD movies, I often have to set the compressor so that it squashes the crap out of the music and louder sound effects. It probably makes movie producers' ears bleed to hear that some people do this, but we have to do it out of necessity.



chimuelo said:


> One of the best drummers I’ve ever worked with just smashed his cymbals and whacked his snare so loudly I just bailed on the group.



I feel your pain. There's one particular drummer I use for my more discerning jobs because he can play with drive and has the right kind of swing. Unfortunately, he ends phrases with the finesse of a jackhammer.


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## Soundhound (Aug 26, 2019)

You and Jerry Seinfeld think alike. In the Comedians in Cars With Coffee Seth Rogan episode Seinfeld complains about this very thing, and Rogan sheepishly/hilariously admits he's had several posters guilty as charged.
Jerry makes Rogan sweat, torturing him about everything and nothing, and then makes him sweat more about sweating. I love that show.





CGR said:


> I hereby order an end to the "One's annoyed and One's crazy/obnoxious/oblivious" Hollywood Comedy Film Poster cliché:


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