# Do you "hate" your own music?



## Andrajas (Jun 13, 2015)

I get the feeling that most composers tend to not like their own music. Have for example heard pro composers say "I hate my music", "Never listen to my own music because its bad" etc. 

Personally, I would not say that I hate my music. Of course there is a lot of room for improvement and a lot of people write better music than me, but I can still be proud of my music, and actually from time to time, listen to some of my stuff and enjoy it, but in a little different way of course since I do enjoy other peoples music more than mine, but I never "hate" my music. 

Am I weird feeling this haha?  Do some of you guys feel the same way?


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## Christof (Jun 13, 2015)

Andrajas @ Sat 13 Jun said:


> I get the feeling that most composers tend to not like their own music. Have for example heard pro composers say "I hate my music", "Never listen to my own music because its bad" etc.


I don't believe that, this sounds like complete nonsense.

Of course you can't love every piece you compose, but how can you start a piece with the fact in mind that you will hate it when it is done.
Those pro composers talk too much sometimes, or more possible that the media wants them to sound like that.

Personally I love about 50% of my pieces, the other 50% are average/okay.
Sounds arrogant, but this is the truth.


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## Andrajas (Jun 13, 2015)

Christof @ Sat Jun 13 said:


> Andrajas @ Sat 13 Jun said:
> 
> 
> > I get the feeling that most composers tend to not like their own music. Have for example heard pro composers say "I hate my music", "Never listen to my own music because its bad" etc.
> ...



Well, I do have heard some say this, don't say that every composer says this, but just think its interesting cause its like you saying, how can you start a piece when you know, in the end, you will hate it? Hehe yeah, they may talk to much sometimes 

Dont think you sound arrogant, I think that's what it should be like! What's the points really if you don't like the things you do? Thats why I think this is even more interesting.


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## wolf (Jun 13, 2015)

most of the time I am fortunate enough that I can write music that I actually like (talking about the demands of the projects). Also, like Christof says, I tend to develop an idea into a full piece if there's something in it I like = enjoy listening to. there are exceptions, which mostly come from the demands of the project.

that said, the wisdom of Ira Glass in this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ResTHKVxf4 very much applies to my point in the journey. It's a constant struggle with self doubts and ~ judgment, finding flaws, wishing I could do things better & trying to find a balance with enjoying and being proud of what I created - which is also an active process like acknowledging the good; reminding myself that others liked it; of positive feedback (countering the (evolutionarily developed) tendency of focusing on negatives and only carrying that forward).

one aspect to ponder: define "better" how is other's music "better". I've heard many pieces that could be seen as bad in many respects (mix, structure, sounds, sophistication...) yet perfectly fit the context. Like one music supervisor said: Context is everything.

another aspect: what it's really about for me is the process of creation. when Flow happens. balance that with making the employer happy and making a living and happiness ensues.

and I too spend more time listening to other's music than my own. I already spent oodles of time creating my own and heard it way too often in the process. (which may also contribute to the perception of "I can't stand it no more" - a point Mike Verta made brilliantly when explaining one reason why it's good to train to be able to write fast)


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## Christof (Jun 13, 2015)

Exactly, when you hate your job and the product of your unique creativity, how can you be successful?

It's not all about the money.


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## Michael K. Bain (Jun 13, 2015)

Christof @ Sat Jun 13 said:


> Personally I love about 50% of my pieces, the other 50% are average/okay.
> Sounds arrogant, but this is the truth.


If that's arrogant, so am I. 
What helps me to enjoy my music is that I write only the type of music I like to write, and that's Percy Faith and Mannheim Steamroller styles. As you can imagine, I make no money off my music. I am not very prolific anymore. When I do compose, its something that's deep within me.


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## olajideparis (Jun 13, 2015)

Yep.


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## vlad (Jun 13, 2015)

I think Woody Allen nailed it (applies to all forms of art I think):
 
“I make a film, and I never ever look at it again once I put it out. You look at it again, you can always see what you did wrong and how you can improve it. And why it’s as terrible as it is. I would shoot them all again.”


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## Andrajas (Jun 14, 2015)

Great posts everyone! :D 

olajideparis: Why is it so?


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## Valérie_D (Jun 14, 2015)

Maybe composers say that to discourage other composers to compose (to be good, you have to hate your own music, anyway, you'll never be good) :D , or maybe they confuse self-hate with humility. These saying blocked me out a bit when I started composing in 2009, I sometimes thought : Wow, I love that piece!..How dare you. My experience in grad school reenforced this perception, it seemed false modesty was the norm, nobody said they were proud of their music and everyone was eager to point out the endless ''flaws'' in it. The only composer who liked his own music was the youngest, everybody called him arrogant..he won several awards over the years and remains a friend. Even I had to get that if I'm to drag my own work in the mud, there's no point doing it, you can be critic of your own work without hating it.


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## Daryl (Jun 14, 2015)

I tend not to listen to my own music, because there are so many better things to listen to, but I do like performing it. That part, at least, is fun for me.

Having said that, now that I think about it, I enjoy performing music more than just listening anyway, so maybe I'm talking cr*p. :wink: 

D


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## FredrikJonasson (Jun 14, 2015)

I definitely like my music! I can listen to it over and over again. Of course it's not perfect, but I write what I like and - perhaps this is an even more important factor - I know my music like my own pocket. That tends to be positive for me.

Then there's the nostalgic side of it. Listening to an older piece of music I've composed is like visiting a house or a town I've lived in in the past.


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## Michael K. Bain (Jun 14, 2015)

FredrikJonasson @ Sun Jun 14 said:


> I definitely like my music! I can listen to it over and over again. Of course it's not perfect, but I write what I like and - perhaps this is an even more important factor - I know my music like my own pocket. That tends to be positive for me.


That's exactly how I feel.


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## Assa (Jun 14, 2015)

Andrajas @ Sat Jun 13 said:


> Christof @ Sat Jun 13 said:
> 
> 
> > Andrajas @ Sat 13 Jun said:
> ...



Well, I can only speak for myself but I very often have this feeling of not liking my music. It almost never happens while working on stuff (often I'm liking a piece a lot while doing it) - mostly this feeling occurs when you are finished. I think it's this "I could have done better" thought or when you start comparing your work. 

Very often I asked myself if this will disappear at a certain skill level I reach, but honestly I don't think so. Of course I might be the wrong person to answer your question because I'm still a young and learning guy and not one of the "pro composers" you mentioned, but another example for this mentality is my father. He is not a musician though, but I would consider him a really gifted and relatively succesful artist with a good carreer (he's a painter). He has excactly those feelings about almost his whole work. So I think it's not unusual that some people's brains just work this strange way.

Of course this is not a healthy attitude, but I personally don't wish it would be different. I think I'm sometimes a lazy person and this often forces me to refine myself and work harder. 

I personally would never ever say that it's arrogant to like your own music. It's awesome if you do so!! But I think it's really not nice to say that "people talk to much" or it's "nonsense".


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## muk (Jun 14, 2015)

For me it's often like this: I like the music that I try to create, the vision of the piece I'm working on. When it's finished, well there's always bits and pieces that don't work as intended etc. So the finished piece is never as good as I had imagined it. That's not a reason to hate it, why would you do something you hate? I'm just never completely happy with it.


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## wst3 (Jun 14, 2015)

my two cents - I write mostly for my own amusement, or as part of my never ending education, or for live theatre. And they are three very different things!

Stuff I write for my own amusement I generally like from the start.

Stuff I write for educational purposes is all over the map - some I like, some gets deleted from the hard drive quickly.

Stuff I write for the theatre... or any 'real' project for that matter, I often have two versions. The version that I use for the production is often not what I really wanted to do. There will be constraints, time, timbre, tempo, feel, whatever, but there will be constraints put on the piece by the director or just the way the production ended up.

So yeah, I really don't always like what I've produced, but I'm in the process of trying to make those pieces what I originally intended. Should be an interesting journey.


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## Walid F. (Jun 14, 2015)

vlad @ Sun Jun 14 said:


> I think Woody Allen nailed it (applies to all forms of art I think):
> 
> “I make a film, and I never ever look at it again once I put it out. You look at it again, you can always see what you did wrong and how you can improve it. And why it’s as terrible as it is. I would shoot them all again.”



Totally!!

W.


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## Ozymandias (Jun 14, 2015)

I'd probably hate it if I had to listen to it regularly. Fortunately, I don't. :lol: Once something is in the can, that's usually the last time I hear it until it's broadcast somewhere.

To my mind, there's nothing particularly unusual about that. It's quite normal for artists and artisans to send their work out into the world and have little or no further contact with it. The process of writing music is enjoyable enough that it's not particularly important for me to like the end product. If anything, dissatisfaction with the last piece is what spurs me on to the next.


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## Will Blackburn (May 8, 2017)

i hate listening to music i have done infront of other people.


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## Dear Villain (May 8, 2017)

I enjoy listening to my own music, and in fact, since I began composing three years ago, I stopped listening to a majority of classical music, so as to avoid being influenced with my own writing. Actually, I feared I wouldn't continue to write if I was constantly reminded how great everyone else's music was (as in, what's the point in creating new, inferior music when there's a world of repertoire out there that I'll never even have time to listen to?). As I started writing though, this view changed, and while I still stay focussed on my own music, I'm able now to again listen to others without it affecting my desire to write.


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## Voider (May 8, 2017)

Depends on how many times I have heard the middle process. Sometimes a part that can be considered as loop is sounding so well already that you just gonna let it run on repeat while doing other things. But then two days later you feel satisfied by it and it starts to get annoying and boring.

On the other hand, the composer who wrote the music for I think it was Zelda once said in an interview, he is making music that will accompany the player for a very long time and the only way to find out if it is good to him, is when he's able to listen to it on repeat a hundred times without getting tired of it.


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## Saxer (May 8, 2017)

I mostly like my stuff if it's not too old. In older stuff there's too much I would avoid today or mix differently... or can't stand the samples or my playing any more. But I listen to my own music differently than to other music. It just reminds me to the feeling when I made or finished it and that's normally a pretty good feeling.


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## Arbee (May 8, 2017)

vlad said:


> I think Woody Allen nailed it (applies to all forms of art I think):
> 
> “I make a film, and I never ever look at it again once I put it out. You look at it again, you can always see what you did wrong and how you can improve it. And why it’s as terrible as it is. I would shoot them all again.”


Exactly this. When we write, arrange, perform, record, mix and master our own tracks there is much to regret later


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## Puzzlefactory (May 8, 2017)

I eventually get sick of a track that I've been working on for a while and won't listen to it for months.

I also constantly compare my stuff to other people's work and almost always feel that others work is better than mine.


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## VgsA (May 8, 2017)

The creator's curse:


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## Karsten Vogt (May 8, 2017)

I don't hate the product I produce, I'm rather disappointed with myself: I could have done a better job (most times). This applies especially to older pieces. On the other hand the progress of improvement motivates a lot.


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## robgb (May 8, 2017)

Andrajas said:


> I get the feeling that most composers tend to not like their own music. Have for example heard pro composers say "I hate my music", "Never listen to my own music because its bad" etc.


I get the feeling that composers who say this are basically full of shit. All of us can find the mistakes in our work and wish it was better, but if we hate what we're doing, then why do it? Why torture yourself? 

I suspect the people who say this don't hate their work but are insecure about it and say such things as a "cover" and guard against criticism. It's human nature. 

As for my own work, I love it sometimes and hate it others, depending on how long I've been working on it. It always helps to step back for awhile, take a long rest, then revisit the work. It usually sounds much better than you thought.


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## WindcryMusic (May 8, 2017)

VgsA said:


> The creator's curse:



Hey look, it's a cartoon about my life. 

While I do like listening to most of the stuff that I write (because I try to write things that I would enjoy), I often think the main reason I can enjoy it is that my brain is hearing what I'd intended for it to sound like, rather than how it actually ended up sounding. But whenever I force myself to listen to it dispassionately, then I am invariably critical of numerous things that I think I could have done better ... and the further back in my catalog I go, the more hypercritical I become.

I guess that means I'm improving? I hope so, anyway.


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## dannymc (May 8, 2017)

when you are working on a track non stop for a week or two and have listened to it a thousand times you do tend to get sick of it. but for me the buzz i get when it feels like i nailed it and the track is finished tells me its good. but the reality is no composers favorite tracks are ever going to be their own. i'd say like most composers its very hard to objectively judge ones own work because you don't have the benefit of that outside disconnected perspective that the other listener has. i'd say if you asked Hans Zimmer what his favorite tracks are he wont name any of his own and would likely reference another film composer or another track in a different genre of music completely. but Hate, no way, thats too strong of a word.

what i find the most helpful is when i go back and listen to those old tracks and think to myself, what was wrong with my ears when i made that, all that mud etc. 

Danny


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## Ashermusic (May 8, 2017)

No.


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## Rasmus Hartvig (May 8, 2017)

I hate the stuff I did when I was very young and just starting out - but it's nice to listen to sometimes, to remind myself how far I've come.


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## Jaap (May 8, 2017)

I always see points that I want to improve, but never hated a piece, also not pieces from long ago. I don't listen to my music though, but that is because it is often done in a work setting and when I am not working I don't want to have to do anything with work


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## dcoscina (May 8, 2017)

I don't hate it but like others, I find a lot of places where I could have improved or added something..


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## reddognoyz (May 8, 2017)

Sometimes I'm disappointed with my music, it's usually my orchestration that bothers me most I think.


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## Rohann (May 8, 2017)

I find I get _sick_ of my music, and sometimes listening to a part too many times makes me feel doubtful about it. I usually find the acid test to be writing sometimes, leaving it for a while, and coming back to it. The parts/melodies/riffs/harmonies that make me think "Did I really write that? Cool!...Wait how did I come up with that?" are what I end up proud of. Other times I come back to a part and think "yuck, did I write that?". I don't usually throw out songs though personally, or whole pieces. It's often a matter of fitting in what needs to, and I don't think I've ever disliked a "vision" I had for a song. I'm far harder on myself than most would be though, I'm sure.
I also concur with others who say their work in the past can be improved upon -- I understand that feeling (sort of, I'm young in this), but at the same time I think there's something important about leaving old pieces alone, and letting songs serve as reflections of a particular moment in time. I've made the mistake of constantly fiddling with an old piece and there's something awfully unsatisfying about it.


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## sazema (May 8, 2017)

Standard story about neighbor life or cow is better than mine.
But that phenomenon is common  Nothing strange.

Every Sunday, I'm watching "This is Opera" documentary serial, and few week ago there was Bethoven about... heh  He was so obsessed about his work so he won't leave his room for days. So you just can imagine that mess... Version after version... I mean this: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thisisoperaseason1

Actually, when I listen my friends work - it's always better  But, you should just figure out that you listen your work for hundred times before releasing it.

I was always wondered about how J.M.Jarre or M.Oldfield or D.Gilmour, even Depeche Mode looks at own work.
Performing is ok, but do they ever listen your CD's at home?


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## Living Fossil (May 8, 2017)

Puzzlefactory said:


> I eventually get sick of a track that I've been working on for a while and won't listen to it for months.




As i child i loved a special kind of quince jelly. However, over some months i've eaten much too much of it, and since then, the big love towards it is totally gone. And this feels like a loss. Sometimes, the same thing happens with some of my own music, specially, when the mixing takes quite a while.


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## gregh (May 8, 2017)

I never hate any of my music and really love some of it (and cant understand why more people don't love it too!  )

but I am always listening and hearing areas that could be improved - but I dont cringe about it as if those parts are "mistakes", I just automatically think that didnt work and a the same time think what would improve that part


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## Parsifal666 (May 8, 2017)

I love my music. Unless I get an extra large commission (note: this almost never happens) I care more about whether me and/or my significant other like it.

If I like it, it's good. I don't hate anything about my music, proud of it.


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## JJP (May 8, 2017)

I have to at least like my music. If I don't think it's any good, what right do I have to try to sell it to someone else? I can't go around selling a bad product. That would make me a con artist.

The fact that I need to like my music is what drives me to improve and keep growing as a musician. It's part of the whole reason for having very high standards. If I find it boring or of poor quality then I have to keep working at it.

Mike Post once told me that when he deals with a client he says, "I have to like the music, but you have to love it. Otherwise we're not done." Mike's liking it ensures a level of quality. The client's loving it means they are getting the value they are paying for.


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## Daniel Petras (May 8, 2017)

I used to play tons of saxophone, and I would always listen to myself improvise. Despite playing at a high level, it was one of the hardest things to do (listen to recordings of myself) without cringing. I can only remember one recording where I played the melody on a Wayne Shorter tune that I actually enjoyed listening to. Listen to synths and VIs play the music I compose is so much easier.


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## Desire Inspires (May 8, 2017)

I write to make money. So yes, I like everything I write because it has potential to generate revenue.


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## charlieclouser (May 9, 2017)

I simultaneously love *and* hate my own music.

It's far better than anything that anyone else has ever done, and at the same time is the worst dreck imaginable.

Nobody can come close to what I can do, and at the same time they're miles ahead of me.

It's like climbing a ladder that's sitting in quicksand - with every rung you ascend to, the ladder sinks into the mud by an exactly equal amount, so your feet are always just inches from the muck.


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## J-M (May 9, 2017)

Writing music is a hobby for me, so I get to do anything I want, so I'm usually quite satisfied with the results. That being said, sometimes when I listen to my older songs I get these "For the love of God why did you do it like that you daft man?"-moments. Can't be avoided.


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## Tiko (May 9, 2017)

charlieclouser said:


> Nobody can come close to what I can do, and at the same time they're miles ahead of me.


Well said. When I finish a project I don't usually listen to the music for months. Then when I finally come back to it and take a listen I can enjoy it!


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## Flaneurette (May 9, 2017)

I think the listener has to decide whether it is good. It is all subjective. That's the great thing about music. What we think is weak or simplistic, might be very powerful to someone else. Some say J.S. Bach is as close to Heaven as we can get, others say that he wrote sewing machine music. So I guess... it's best not to judge the listener. If you don't like it, then move on and do something else, but please don't destroy it.

Here is a short story which I love, it contains a great message. It is written by Chuck Palahniuk. Some of his essays have been a constant inspiration for me to keep doing what I love doing. This one in particular, I almost memorized it:

Almost every morning, I eat breakfast in the same diner, and this morning a man was painting the windows with Christmas designs. Snowmen. Snowflakes. Bells. Santa Claus. He stood outside on the sidewalk, painting in the freezing cold, his breath steaming, alternating brushes and rollers with different colors of paint. Inside the diner, the customers and servers watched as he layered red and white and blue paint on the outside of the big windows. Behind him the rain changed to snow, falling sideways in the wind.

The painter’s hair was all different colors of gray, and his face was slack and wrinkled as the empty ass of his jeans. Between colors, he’d stop to drink something out of a paper cup.

Watching him from inside, eating eggs and toast, somebody said it was sad. This customer said the man was probably a failed artist. It was probably whiskey in the cup. He probably had a studio full of failed paintings and now made his living decorating cheesy restaurant and grocery store windows. Just sad, sad, sad.

This painter guy kept putting up the colors. All the white “snow,” first. Then some fields of red and green. Then some black outlines that made the color shapes into Xmas stockings and trees.

A server walked around, pouring coffee for people, and said, “That’s so neat. I wish I could do that…”

And whether we envied or pitied this guy in the cold, he kept painting. Adding details and layers of color. And I’m not sure when it happened, but at some moment he wasn’t there. The pictures themselves were so rich, they filled the windows so well, the colors so bright, that the painter had left. Whether he was a failure or a hero. He’d disappeared, gone off to wherever, and all we were seeing was his work.​


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## robgb (May 10, 2017)

JJP said:


> I can't go around selling a bad product. That would make me a con artist.


That would mean 99 percent of what's being released today in popular music is done by con artists...


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## Parsifal666 (May 10, 2017)

robgb said:


> That would mean 99 percent of what's being released today in popular music is done by con artists...



Wait...it _*isn't*_? At least from a popular music bigwig perspective.


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## Parsifal666 (May 10, 2017)

Oh my gosh, it took me that long to get the joke. Forgive my excessive coffee intake.


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## gregh (May 10, 2017)

I got reminded of this by one of those facebook "memories" reminders. Someone resurrected an old piece of mine from the 80s and described it thus 

"This is genius, a pink beam of pure truth that lit up my brain back in the early 1980s on Triple M - FM (now 3D Radio). It was hard to resist playing this every damn time I had control of the on-air studio."

I can't stand the piece, cringe with embarrassment just thinking about it, cant think of anything worse than this piece and the other piece that was also made public via the eternal internet of crap. At the time I did not even realise the piece was getting played on air. If only that had been true.

So yes, even though I wrote before that I never hate my music, in fact there is some music that I have made that I can't even listen to for a few seconds without feeling genuine pain.

But, you know, some people obviously really loved it so - that's taste for you.


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## KerrySmith (May 10, 2017)

I go back and forth. When working, I regularly end with "I could have done that better if I'd: had more time, or found the right sound, had time or budget for players, etc...

Usually I go back later and maybe I need to tweak something in the mix, but often I have a "That's not so bad. I kind of like it" reaction. Which I think is helpful since a lot of what used to be composing jobs are turning into library pulls on my end, and hating my work would make searching through my library pretty unpleasant.


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## JohnG (May 10, 2017)

gregh said:


> some people obviously really loved it



I found your post kind of touching, Greg. I actually don't like to focus to hard or too often on why exactly I'm doing this, lest the answer be -- not what I'd like!

But bringing happiness to some people, even if it's the wrong people or they like it for the "wrong" reasons, that's not so bad.


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## Vastman (May 10, 2017)

I might b considered wierd but I've always followed my bliss, and love most of what I've done, whether it be playing /singing in bands during my youth, joining GAO after college and working to analyze alternate energy /ecological futures for 13 years, and spending the remaining years creating artistic gardens, building an urban farm sanctuary, and continuing to address issues impacting our planetary future thru song up until this day.

Money has never been a driving force in my life... It's a stupid pain in the ass... So never let it drive my choices. It is merely a social artifact; somehow I've meandered without it disrupting my spirit.

Do I love my songs? Yes! Could they be better? If course; this line of thought is endless, as are the notes, vsts's, patches, and mixing choices. Some are one shot evening creations that poke at the edge of an issue veggie heading into to plant fruit trees... But I love them all as they flow from the heart...

Few are writing about where we are and where we are heading. It's an emotional passion for me, an outlet for the angst within my soul, and a cry to wake up. I know I've never put in the time to make everything perfect but the issues bring me to gut wrenching tears, when dealing with things such as our dying oceans. Conversely, songs dealing with the rapid transition to renewables always spark my spirit and help tear me away from the feeling that we're done as a species...and yes, I do listen to them, especially in between times writing, while working on gardens, and in between a heavy load of science podcasts which often cause me to stop what I'm doing and write about something being discussed.

I'm entering a new life phase, having sold my farm, relocating to georgeous rural Idaho to care for my mom and have time I'd never imagined to really invest in audio /video compositions addressing issues facing our species. I am so excited... And am loving every moment... Moments I had no idea were going to unfold...

In many ways, music is my voice... It's both healing and renewing to put my hopes and fears to song... I see songwriting as a means of changing hearts minds & spirits and I'm stoked at finally having the space to devote to the issues I care about... The tools I've acquired are a cosmic gift... And as fucked up our paradigm seems to be, I would NOT change places with anyone else on this planet. It WOULD be nice to be in a different paradigm though... We're in a very dicey place and I feel for Younlings everywhere...


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## chimuelo (May 11, 2017)

No, I don't hate my own music, but everyone else does.


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## Vastman (May 11, 2017)

chimuelo said:


> No, I don't hate my own music, but everyone else does.


Wish you'd post links to ur stuff... I'm always curious about what others I respect are doing. Luv your passionate computer knowledge and insights!


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## chimuelo (May 11, 2017)

I actually just tried out my new recorder today.
So thanks for your kind words and will be sharing some stuff this summer.
FWIW I only know PC system integration I use.
Not really as knowledgeable as I sound.
But I do know my stuff front to back.

Cheerz


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## elpedro (May 12, 2017)

I tend not to like them at first (exceptions for real in the moment/zone shit) but they always grow on me later


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## babylonwaves (May 12, 2017)

There are situations, my music turns into something I dislike. Simply because a song/scene started out in a good way and got destroyed in the process. Sometimes because my clients want it this way, sometimes because I have to adapt the original idea to no end and the spirit gets lost. But this is not when I hate my music. Hate happens when I write something for myself and I pushing myself out of my own comfort zone, attempting to write something in a style I love without being fluent in it. And if I don't succeed and have to admit to myself that I simply cannot write it exactly the way I have it in mind, there are moments when I can feel the hate coming up. Funnily enough, if I listen to those pieces later on, most of the time I'm at least fine with the result.


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## StevenOBrien (May 12, 2017)

I believe a healthy balance between thinking you're a god and thinking you're the worst is good.

I usually like things up until the moment I release them. I think "man, this is probably better than anything anyone else has ever made. When I release it, it'll make international headlines and I'll be hailed as the greatest composer who ever lived!" - Then, of course, I release it, and people either like it or they don't, but it's not hailed as world-changing, or the saviour of humanity, so to me it's a failure. After that happens, I start seeing the piece as something that didn't succeed, and try to fix those "problems" in the next piece, and the cycle continues.

So yeah, I "hate" all of the music I've written before, for either rational or irrational reasons. As much as I'd like to look back and think "man, that was a really good piece", if I did that, what would be the point in continuing to write? The idea that I'm not as good as I could be, that I still have something to prove is what makes me want to continue working.


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