# In a rut... help!



## Buckles (Mar 1, 2007)

Hey Guys,

I'm in a strange situation at the moment. I recently was able to give up my day job, and focus full-time writing library music for a reasonably successful library music company in LA (although I'm working in Brisbane, AUS!). 

This is a great thing... I'm actually doing what I have always dreamed of, and many others have dreamed of. The problem is... I've fallen into a rut I just can't get myself out of.

It doesn't feel like a rut, moreso closer to mild depression. I'm struggling to write tracks... and I'm not talking about massive 10 minute overtures, I'm talking about 1min action pitches for film trailers. I feel unmotivated to write, and frustrated and dissapointed when I do. I was writing more music BEFORE I gave up work! 

I'm trying to figure out what is the cause... my boss/mentor who I work with is helping with his encouraging pep talks, but for every 1 good track I write, 3 bad ones seem to follow in it's wake. 

I know a few of the VI gurus here work full-time in the music industry... in the same or similar part of the industry I do at the moment. Have you guys ever experienced this feeling before? How do I get myself out of this bad, very musically destructive place before I stuff up my career?!?! 

I suppose things aren't as bad as they seem, but I still need to... I don't know... find my zen, or something  Any suggestions or experiences would be fantastic!!

-s


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## Frederick Russ (Mar 1, 2007)

Dude - you're putting way too much pressure on yourself! Find ways to achieve some balance and perspective. Maybe writing film trailers can get boring - ever thought of that? You know - clanging away at the anvil and timpani when you really feel like mellowing out with soft woodwinds kind of thing. 
/\~O =o 

Since you asked, based on your post it does sound like there is a part of you that really doesn't like being cooped up away from people. I think the thing is balance. Sounds like there was something you were doing or people you were interacting with at your old day job that seemed to address some things that were personally important to help you get inspired. Were you interacting with a lot more people at your old day job? Just because you've become a "serious" composer doesn't mean you have to burn your bridges, completely isolate yourself and stop having fun. It might help get some perspective by dialing up some of those old work buddies and hanging out. If any of those people knew about your music - perhaps they heard your music - great. Bring CDs of your latest work and see what they're up to. 
o/~ o-[][]-o o=< 

How about also sharing your music with a few composer friends and getting raw opinions of your sketches? Musicians and composers are a pretty fun group people to hang with. Composing can seem very isolated by nature but it doesn't have to be. I think for mental health its important to balance that with getting out and communicating regularly with your colleagues and buddies. Keeping your instant messenger service online can also help keep you connected. Don't be afraid to get honest critiques from people you respect. If it shows that there are holes in what you know as a composer, consider supplemental studies such as EIS to help light the fire to inspiration.

Also, are you listening to music other than yours? How about those late night headphone sessions where you have a long listening list of respected composers at the top of their game? What are they doing that you're not?

Does this help? (o)(o) ~o)


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## Evan Gamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Frederick Russ @ Fri Mar 02 said:


> What are they doing that you're not?



Getting laid =o 

Yeah I'd suggest as Fred already said. Do what you have to to get rid of any pressure. Maybe do as Alex does and get drunk while composing? o-[][]-o 

Or sit on the john for long periods of time like Scott R. for inspiration. /\~O 







Point is relax... :wink:


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## alanb (Mar 1, 2007)

Check out Brian Eno's _Oblique Strategies_. They were designed and implemented to address just such situations. You wouldn't be the first "serious musician" to make use of them...

This page, http://www.rtqe.net/ObliqueStrategies/, gives a bit of the history of the _Oblique Strategies_ deck, as well as links to a few online versions that you can click through 'til you find something that breaks the logjam...

Oh, and speaking of Eno and logjams, here's a fun piece about how focusing on a completely unrelated (and rather oddball) task helped free Eno's mind to return productively to the music that he couldn't finish beforehand: 

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1996/06/02/PK70006.DTL

Good luck!!


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## Lpp (Mar 1, 2007)

I know this feeling. I have it nearly everyday I sit here to compose. Plus I always have the feeling everyone in the whole musicians-world is way more talented and/or creative than me >8o 

What I do ? Struggle myself through it; count my little successes; say to myself, that there must be some reason why people order my music o 

If you too have the feeling, your music is not quite as good as all the others´ are ( and I assume from your post, that you have this feeling ) keep saying to yourself, that even the most untalented birds have their part on the great morning-concert and it would be very quiet without them :mrgreen: 

My advice... enjoy your great pieces, show the lesser ones to your boss ( perhaps they aren´t as bad ) and get yourself some ways to write in times, when you´re uninspired. Listen to others´ music, look at some scores, etc. 
Sometimes, I must pressure myself to finish a piece, that doesn´t look promising at first glance. But the more work I put in it, the more it works. Sometimes, inspiration isn´t all. That´s when you have to work very hard. And I can tell you stories of these times... :wink: 
The buddies, I work with call these times "Leaving your comfort-zone". After this, some things go easier as you´ve pushed your limits and became better.

If all this "push yourself to the max"-advice is wrong for you, because you´ve already done so and/or are burnt out, then follow the above advices and give yourself some rest 8)

Greets,


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## Synesthesia (Mar 2, 2007)

Lpp @ Fri Mar 02 said:


> Sometimes, I must pressure myself to finish a piece, that doesn´t look promising at first glance. But the more work I put in it, the more it works. Sometimes, inspiration isn´t all.
> Greets,



I totally agree - one of my first mentors once said to me to stop ripping everything up after 2 hours work and 'make the best of what you've got' - he was basically saying you have to at some point allow yourself to accept that your idea is good and then you have the freedom to work it until it becomes its own thing, and usually it ends up good!

Also - often the first instinct is the best, you just need to work it until it is as good as it can be.

Good luck!

ps: Alan - thanks for the eno story - very inspiring! I have my pack of Oblique Strategies on my desk right in front of me - they have been part of my gear for about 2 years now.

Cheers

Paul


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## Alex W (Mar 2, 2007)

midphase @ Fri Mar 02 said:


> Perhaps this is one of those "survival of the fittest" moments?



What do you mean by that??


Anyway, Scott - I totally know what you're going through. Writing the same sort of shit day in day out is not fun - it's bloody hard work.

I don't know if there's any easy answer, but I do think it's very much an overall lifestyle balance thing. Frederick gave some excellent points above, what I'll add to that is - exercise.

I take some time out every day to either go for a run or do some other aerobic exercises. It definitely helps!


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## ComposerDude (Mar 2, 2007)

Consider picturing a scene in your mind's eye, for which you're scoring the library track.


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## Ashermusic (Mar 2, 2007)

I have a slightly different take on this. I did just some library work years ago and I got frustrated and bored with it quickly because I love to write to picture, plotting hits, etc and to write cues for some imaginary scene in my head was very difficult.

I probably would do it again if the money was right but I would not be particularly looking forward to it.

So I am not surprised Buckles that you are getting burned out with it.


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## JonFairhurst (Mar 2, 2007)

Ashermusic @ Fri Mar 02 said:


> ...I love to write to picture, plotting hits, etc and to write cues for some imaginary scene in my head was very difficult...


I can relate!

If there's no target film, image, poem, story or other rich goal, I'm left composing for the sake of the music alone. And in that case, I want to create the most bitchen' music ever written. Of course, that's always easier to imagine than to do. And then I get critical of my work and the spiral begins.

In Peter Alexander's Professional Orchestration class we are composing solo pieces to target poems. In some ways its easier than composing to film (no specific timings or crummy edits to constrain us), and in some ways it's harder (more open ended). But it's a lot easier than staring at a blank page with the sole goal of making the world's most bitchen' music.


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## midphase (Mar 2, 2007)

> Perhaps this is one of those "survival of the fittest" moments?
> 
> 
> What do you mean by that??



I mean if you can't take the heat...get the f--- out of the kitchen. Sorry to sound so mean, but sometime these boards tend to sound like some warm and fuzzy new age-ish support group. Anyone up for cuddling?

Sorry to sound "heartless" but we all have our own issues to deal with in our own work. Part of what makes some of us more sucessful than others is our ability to deal with the problems efficiently and move on. Sometime "tough love" can be more useful in helping someone out of a rut than all of this sympathy and telling them how "everything will be ok" 

I know that all this makes me sound like some asshole....but I'd be willing to bet than some guys will secretly agree with me wholeheartedly on my point.


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## Patrick de Caumette (Mar 2, 2007)

I totally agree with Frederick.

If you had a day job for years and all of a sudden you find yourself in front of a computer day in and day out, don't be surprised if you find yourself depressed...

Sitting in front of a screen for hours at end is not the healthiest thing in the world.
Try yoga or any activity that will get you out of the house and address the part of yourself that you are abusing everyday: your body (eyes, back....etc)
Go take a walk, whatever...

But remember that when you had that day job you were dreaming of being in music 100% and that it has happened!

Difference is, back then you could write anything that you wanted witohut being imposed a style or direction. Now you have to do what you are told. Big difference.
Try to find time to write what you really like anyway. That might help

Best of luck...and remember you can always get that old job back and write music for yourself: there's nothing wrong with that!


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## Patrick de Caumette (Mar 2, 2007)

and getting drunk in order to work is definetely not a solution without consequences... (wanna play jazz? you gotta shoot heroin 'cause Parker and Coltrane did it and they were great and so can you :roll: )


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## rJames (Mar 2, 2007)

I agree with Kays, but I'm not going to say it in public!

Just do it...if you want to. If you don't want to, don't do it.

(anyone notice that Scott Buckley seems to be busy, he hasn't even visitied his own thread)

I think maybe it was more of a rhetorical question/statement.

Truth is, no one has the answer for Scott. I'll bet each of us has his/her own method for kicking ourselves in the pants. What works for one won't work for another; i.e. Patrick and Alex.


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## JacquesMathias (Mar 2, 2007)

Hi,


everyone said a lot of important things. I am not sure if i can add some useful information, but...

First, when you have a day job (in the sense of working in a company or whatever) , normally you are in contact with real poeple. You laugh, talk, get a coffee together with someone, talk about womens...in other words, all that man stuff, and sometimes you work. he he. So, when you get home you get 2-3 hours of funny : Composing. Perfect! You have done everything a human being needs.

But, when it becomes your job, everything changes. The pressure of being able to produce some amount of music in one day sucks. You spend 12 hours (or more) with your computer(s) and your keyboard/instruments. After some months you have no friends, folks to get a beer. Almost no social life. You only work, work, work...and become depressed, depressed and depressed. Well, we are still artists, although some could disagree. You just can be creative and feel excited about composing if you can listen to the other's work...do researches about harmony, conterpoint or your favourite software...listen to music ALWAYS...different each time...to expand your view. Movies, books...Read the last Quantic Phisic theory :D ...whatever that makes you focus your mind in one point helps...Frederick has told about balance, THAT is the key. 

AND, you are composing while you are reading a book. The "musical-work"also happens when you are "preparing" your mind tò¹a   S`e¹a   S`f¹a   S`g¹a   S`h¹a   S`i¹a   S`j¹a   S`k¹a   S`l¹a   S`m¹a   S`n¹a   S`o¹a   S`p¹a   S`q¹a   S`r¹a   S`s¹a   S`t¹a   S`u¹a   S`v¹a   S`w¹a   S`x¹a   S`y¹a   S`z¹a   S`{¹a   S`|¹a   S`}¹a   S`~¹a   S`¹a   S`€¹a   S`¹a   S`‚¹a   S`ƒ¹a   S`„¹a   S`…¹a   S`†¹a   S`‡¹a   S`ˆ¹a   S`‰¹b   S`Š¹b   S`‹¹b   S`Œ¹b   S`¹b   S`Ž¹b   S`¹b   S`¹b   S`‘¹b   S`’¹b   S`“¹c   S`”¹c   S`•¹c   S`–¹c   S`—¹c   S`˜¹c   S`™¹c   S`š¹c   S`›¹c   S`œ¹c   S`¹c   S`ž¹c   S`Ÿ¹c   S` ¹c   S`¡¹d   S`¢¹d   S`£¹d   S`¤¹d   S`¥¹d   S`¦¹d   S`§¹d   S`¨¹d   S`©¹d   S`ª¹d   S`«¹d   S`¬¹d   S`­¹e   S`®¹e   S`¯¹e   S`°¹e   S`±¹e   S`²¹e   S`³¹e   S`´¹e   S`µ¹e   S`¶¹e   S`·¹e   S`¸¹e   S`¹¹f   S`º¹f   S`»¹f   S`¼¹f   S`½¹f   S`¾¹f   S`¿¹f   S`À¹f   S`Á¹f   S`Â¹f   S`Ã¹f   S`Ä¹f   S`Å¹f   S`Æ¹f   S`Ç¹f   S`È¹f   S`É¹f   S`Ê¹f   S`Ë¹f   S`Ì¹f   S`Í¹f   S`Î¹f   S`Ï¹f   S`Ð¹f   S`Ñ¹f   S`Ò¹f   S`Ó¹f   S`Ô              ò¹f   S`Ö


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## Alex W (Mar 2, 2007)

midphase @ Sat Mar 03 said:


> > Perhaps this is one of those "survival of the fittest" moments?
> >
> >
> > What do you mean by that??
> ...



You're right - it is heartless. Aside from that, all of what you just said is destructive and pointless. It doesn't make you sound like an asshole, it confirms that you are an asshole.


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## kid-surf (Mar 2, 2007)

HA! :mrgreen: 

Kays, I'll openly agree w/that. :D

Alex W - despite the fact that you don't like that perspective, this is a tough biz, you gotta figure out a way to be able to handle it or you really should do something else. Life is too fucking short to be miserable.

The poster received plenty of useful info, including Kay's perspective.

I'm cool if people see it differently though. Whatever keeps you truck'n....

And I will vouch for the fact that Kays is a REALLY cool dude. Far from an asshole. You'd know that if you'd met him.


*Here's a tip for the poster ---* Aim lower. What does that accomplish? Same thing. Only you aren't as stressed.


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## Patrick de Caumette (Mar 2, 2007)

I am sure that those of us that have a tendency to often disagree (like you and I, Kid :twisted: ) may not feel quite the same if we were hanging out rather than posting. You californian people have an opportunity to know each other face to face.
We don't and we only know you (and vice versa) by your posts...

So I can't help but notice that Kays has a tendency to sound angry in a lot of his posts.
Kays, maybe this business is affecting you more than you know and getting you to be bitter... (and I go through that as well myself when dealing with clients at times)

You're right Kid, there are different ways to look at the picture...but I certainly wish that there would be more supportive, compassionate people out there than there actually are.
The world would turn out to be a better place...

I don't really suscribe to the mentality: the world is cut-throat so here, let me cut your throat!


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## Hans Adamson (Mar 2, 2007)

I think it is important to work with an instrument that inspires you. Find the tool (instrument) you can't stop playing when started. I have a very hard time finding the music, if I don't feel the instrument "speaks" back to me.


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## Buckles (Mar 2, 2007)

Wow... I didn't expect such a response!

Thanks for all your input. I've had a few days away from the computer just chillin' out a bit, trying to get some perspective. I think alot of my problem is I'm just not getting out much. I'm like the little sim in 'The Sims', when my social bar hits rock bottom  Lack of exercise can't help either!

My previous job (as a sales rep /trainer for a music tech business) got me out talking and working with quite a few different people. I think I just gotta supplement that somehow... 

As much as I hear what you are saying Midphase... I'm fairly competent I can cope in this industry. My life has just seemed to take a dramatic shift (with added pressures of arranging an imminent move to LA, and getting married to my fiance)... I think it's all just building. I don't know you,, but surely you yourself have had times when you have been creatively frustrated?

I will have more of a think the next few days... trust me, my world ain't that screwed up that I'm gonna stuff up my career... but it does get frustrating sometimes 

Cheers guys!

-s


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## Alex W (Mar 2, 2007)

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## midphase (Mar 3, 2007)

The people whom generally seem to really get upset at some of my comments also generally seem to be the ones who have had relatively little exposure to the biz. 

The truth is that I'm neither angry nor bitter nor an asshole, quite the opposite as a matter of fact, I tend to be very supportive of fellow composers and have always volunteered my time to answer questions from guys who are curious about becoming composers. 

I do however find some of these posts silly...like when someone will ask how to write a good melody, or how to get paying gigs...or what to do when you don't have any ideas. 

The mark of a good professional is to be able to deal with issues and quickly adapt, and not get used to relying on others to offer support and answers.

I speak for many around here when I say that most of us have never had the benefit of a "support group" yet have managed to etch a living for ourselves in what is an increasingly competitive and crowded market.

So excuuuuse me for being direct and harsh, but this whole thread seems very bs to me. If, as a composer, you're not able to figure out that if you're coming short on ideas you should: listen to other music, take a break, not overthink things, try a different style for a change, and other very obvious things...then perhaps you should rethink your career choice.

Mr. S said:


> I'm struggling to write tracks... and I'm not talking about massive 10 minute overtures, I'm talking about 1min action pitches for film trailers. I feel unmotivated to write, and frustrated and dissapointed when I do. I was writing more music BEFORE I gave up work!



All I can think of when I read that is that if this guy is having these issues at this level (ie. writing for a music library) which is probably the less stressful thing you can possibly do as a composer....then he'll self destruct if he ever gets himself into a situation where producers and directors are breathing down his neck, giving him confusing directions and notes, and generally making him their bitch for 4-6 weeks.

My opinion is that sometime encouraging the wrong people can have much more negative repercussions than simply setting them straight early on. I'm not necessarily implying that Mr. S is doomed to fail, but rather urging him to get his s--t together before he gets into it too deep.

If Alex and Patrick still find comments destructive and pointless then they're missing the whole point and I invite them to continue to regard me as they wish.


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## Scott Cairns (Mar 3, 2007)

Hi Scott, I dont know your exact situation, but if your working at home, I recommend getting out of the house and making contact with people.

I tend to go out for breakfast in a cafe for a "social dose" before boarding myself up in the studio. you said you were midly depressed but not in a rut musically (or thats how I took it to mean) so it could well be that your not getting enough interaction in your day. its pretty bizarre to go from a day job to one where you work alone.

Id also recommend this book; http://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-Julia-Cameron/dp/078656475X/ref=sr_1_1/104-0111581-3019975?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1172911907&sr=1-1 (http://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-Julia ... 907&amp;sr=1-1)

The Artists Way, its an awesome book and shows you ways how to nurture and hold your creativity, particularly if you're working as a creative professional.

But first and foremost - interact dude, ring up friends and go out for coffee, whatever you can.

Im back in Oz on the 16th of March if you want to call.

Cheers,

Scott.


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## Alex W (Mar 3, 2007)

Midphase, dude... you're a tad bitter. Live with it. 

Anyway, no hard feelings this is getting a little out of hand.


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## ComposerDude (Mar 3, 2007)

"Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration." - Thomas Edison, Harper's Monthly (September 1931)

This thread's 'warm fuzzy' comments target the 'inspiration' part and I think that Kays is targeting the 'perspiration' part.


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## Ashermusic (Mar 3, 2007)

Essentailly Kays is right but he could express it with a little more compassion.

Hey Buckles, Kays is a little guy. When I see him at Mike's party tonight do you want me to pop him? :lol:


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## midphase (Mar 3, 2007)

In that case I should bring my bodyguard with me.


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## Patrick de Caumette (Mar 3, 2007)

ComposerDude @ Sat Mar 03 said:


> This thread's 'warm fuzzy' comments target the 'inspiration' part and I think that Kays is targeting the 'perspiration' part.



Exactly. That's why I think it smells /\~O 

Please remember the fact that you live in LA, trying to become a successful film composer, makes you no different than the thousands of musicians across the world that struggle to make a living with music.
Relying on music alone to provide for a family is very stressful in of itself.
Probably half of the people that visit this site are in this category. No need to be "in touch with the biz" to know what it is like to get by composing music. And most of us do not have close relatives in the industry (Kid) to facilitate the chances of succes.
And I wish Kid all the best (but I wouldn't trade my live with anybody else's, be it for an oscar). Down the road I am sure that he'll succeed. Ambition is a great engine for succes...

You guys are no different than us, non LA people. Who do you think we are dealing with when doing national TV spots, TV documentaries, short films, features...etc ?
The same abuses happen everywhere else too.
Does that mean I get to kick someone in the butt because I get abused by some ignorant while doing my job. 
As I said, with this mentality this world would quickly become unlivable (but it would make more room for you survivors o-[][]-o )

And as far as having little contact with the industry, I am doing fine thank you very much.
I'm in charge of score and sound design for a motion picture featuring K'Orienka Kilcher (lead role opposing Collin Farell in the New World) and I have a good amount of TV commercials for paying the bill. The best part is that I teach at two universities in Philly and that I get to learn more about music everyday...
I'll probably never be a big shot in Holywood but couldn't care less...

I am sure that Kays and Kid are nice fellows. It's just hard to tell based on their posts...


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## midphase (Mar 3, 2007)

Aww come on Patrick....no who's the one who sounds bitter?

The truth is that everyone of us puts their own "spin" and "tone" on the posts that we read. That's why people who know me know that I'm not some grumpy dude who sits around moping all day reminiscing about the good old days.

But the heart of the matter is that (and I'm sure both you and Alex will totally disagree with me) not everybody should be encouraged to be a professional artist. Let me stress that I'm not saying that Scott has got what it takes or doesn't...but I have met some guys for whom I know it would be a huge mistake for them to get into the biz.

Someone mentioned Simon Cowell and as much as the majority of people in the US hate the guy...I think he's done a lot more good (and probably saved many lives from suicide) than Paula Abdul which prefers to feed false hopes to youg kids who don't really have any chance.

As far as I'm concerned, my role here for bringing a sense of reality is as needed as the posts of support. Someone mentioned that if I don't like the thread I shouldn't post...but if you think about it, by simply ignoring every thread which rubs me the wrong way....wouldn't I be doing this whole forum a disservice? (don't answer that). I'm not trying to make myself sound like some invaluable source, but I think it's important to have both sides represented, otherwise the advice given ends up being unfair and definitely unbalanced.

A lot of the replies to Scott mentioned that he should take a break, or try writing in a different style, or go out and hang with some friends. There is some useful advice in there, but there are situations where you simply can't do that. When the budgets rise, and the pressure rises even more...you can't simply go out and have a beer in the face of a looming deadline...you better snap out of it and quick. So my point was that it's important for Scott to learn to get these "feelings" under control early in his career. If he would find that he simply can't get himself back on track....perhaps he should reconsider his career choice. I still stand behind my advice being as valuable as "oblique thinking" (and Patrick and Alex will still continue to disagree).


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## Nick Batzdorf (Mar 3, 2007)

The problem is that *every* career is the same! Sure the arts are competitive, but you have to work hard to do well as a car salesman, insurance actuary, accountant, bricklayer, prostitute, mafioso... which is why Grandma says there's no such thing as an easy life.

It's supposed to be hard!


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## Patrick de Caumette (Mar 3, 2007)

Kays, I do agree with you that this business is certainly not for the faint of heart.
People that have a natural tendency to stress out should stay away from it...

And I have no problem with what you are saying right now.
The way you just made your argument is much more constructive and respectful.

You may be a nice guy after all 0oD


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## midphase (Mar 3, 2007)

> And most of us do not have close relatives in the industry (Kid) to facilitate the chances of succes.



Ok, one more bone to pick....I resent that statement because Kid has always made it very clear that his wife does not play any role in facilitating his work connections...everybody knows that the only guys who do that are Mike and Craig!





Sorry, that was meant to lighten up the mood....dammit....you're going to make me use one of those silly emoticons aren't you? Aaaaahhhhhrrrrggghhhh.... =o


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## Ashermusic (Mar 3, 2007)

Patrick de Caumette @ Sat Mar 03 said:


> You may be a nice guy after all 0oD



Nah.


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## Patrick de Caumette (Mar 3, 2007)

midphase @ Sat Mar 03 said:


> > I resent that statement because Kid has always made it very clear that his wife does not play any role in facilitating his work connections...everybody knows that the only guys who do that are Mike and Craig!
> > Sorry, that was meant to lighten up the mood....dammit....you're going to make me use one of those silly emoticons aren't you? Aaaaahhhhhrrrrggghhhh.... =o



Believe me, if I had Kid's connection I would use it to death! :twisted:


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## Chrislight (Mar 3, 2007)

Buckles @ Fri Mar 02 said:


> My previous job (as a sales rep /trainer for a music tech business) got me out talking and working with quite a few different people. I think I just gotta supplement that somehow...
> 
> As much as I hear what you are saying Midphase... I'm fairly competent I can cope in this industry. My life has just seemed to take a dramatic shift (with added pressures of arranging an imminent move to LA, and getting married to my fiance)... I think it's all just building. I don't know you,, but surely you yourself have had times when you have been creatively frustrated?



Let's see... You've just changed your job, are about to make a major move and are going to get married - and you are wondering why you are feeling out of it??? >8o New job, moving and getting married (or divorced) I believe rate in the top five most stressful situations. All those things can generate quite a bit of worry too. Sometimes when things pile up all at once like that, you can feel like just shutting down, which can lead to feeling a little depressed.

Give yourself some time and space to get through the move and to get adjusted to married life. In the meantime with your work, definitely take breaks and get some exercise, do a little socializing, run errands, or whatever. I have been self-employed for most of the last 25 years with spells of doing temporary work here and there. Every time I would return to being self-employed and staying home there was always an adjustment to working by myself without the social interactions. I have found though it doesn't take much interaction with others or time away from home to get my social quota in and feel revitalized. A lot of time I'll just run a few errands, be around people while shopping, or take a short walk. That's all it usually takes, and I'm ready to get back at it.


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## Buckles (Mar 4, 2007)

Neato... there are some great discussions happening here! But I don't want this thread to linger down the line of defamation though... 

Alright... don't be to hard on Midphase... he is making a very good point, and it's great to hear a point of view that may seem somewhat extreme (it's actually very realistic in my opinion, so I think you for being honest mate!).

Ok... look, I realise that this industry is fuggin' competitive, and quick as heck... deadlines seem to be hours instead of days or weeks away, and I understand that in order to perform I will need to 'snap out' of what ever state I am in and do the friggin work. Everyone knows that. 

Despite of what could be interpreted in my original post (it may have been a little dramatic in retrospect), I am still meeting deadlines, and clients are still happy with my work (which ISN'T SIMPLY just library music, but I won't go into that cuz it will sound like I'm trying to prove myself...). What I am still trying to deal with is the opinion I have of my own work, which I feel is being affected by... well, factors I have been trying to determine. 

Before my year graduated from University (a few years ago, not yesterday for the wise-crackers), a few of our lecturers sat us all down, and spoke candidly about the mental side of music, and how it can not only push us to become better musicians, but it can also destroy us. I think alot of musicians have personal battles... some more than others, and I'm sorry if I've come off as unprofessional or naive. I know this place has a alot of excellent musicians, both up-and-coming and established, and I thought this would be an excellent place to voice my problem, which I hoped some of you might sympathize with (and you have, so I think you).

Anyway... sometimes just by putting a problem out there helps with understanding what the hell is going on in your head, and I thank you guys for being genuinely open and caring about this. Alot is going on in my life right now... now it's just up to me to make a go of it 

Anyway... I like this place. You guys rock. Group hug!!!!

-s


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## vlado hudec (Mar 4, 2007)

Hi Buckles,

I was in the same situation 4 months ago. I also made library music for one company from LA..maybe the same ..also trailers music..around one minute length. And there was anything esle..there must have been a stop time on 30 second in each track ..it was awfully for me! But I had no deadline fortunetly. I had only one pc,2.2 Ghz and 768 MB RAM and it was my first professional job. I made 6track and it was like a parturition :lol: 

I had the same feelings like you. I don't to advice you,the others told you the right things. Take some rest,listen a lot of music and also a film and game trailers 

Good luck.


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## Nick Batzdorf (Mar 4, 2007)

> New job, moving and getting married (or divorced) I believe rate in the top five most stressful situations.



Getting divorced must be stressful - thank goodness I don't know firsthand - and losing a job certainly is. But I have to say that it was the opposite of stressful when I got married and started a new job the day after getting back from our honeymoon.


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## Mike Greene (Mar 4, 2007)

midphase @ Sat Mar 03 said:


> . . . Kid has always made it very clear that his wife does not play any role in facilitating his work connections...everybody knows that the only guys who do that are Mike and Craig!


Kays, now you're taking what I told you completely out of context. My wife did indeed help me out in getting clients, but that was just when I was working as a male prostitute. She's been totally useless at getting me any _music_ clients.


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## Aaron Sapp (Mar 4, 2007)

Hey Buckles,

I'm sorry some of the folks here are being a bunch of discouraging shitebags. 

Believe me, it's something that most composers go through at some point in their career - and it's something that you'll eventually grow out of the more you compose and learn about your craft. I think this is the point where a lot of wannabes quit - but if you stick with it, you'll come out on top and better for it.


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## Nick Batzdorf (Mar 4, 2007)

Shitebags?! Indeed.

This is the true answer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp-oJhBx ... ed&search=


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## Buckles (Mar 4, 2007)

Nick Batzdorf @ Sun Mar 04 said:


> Shitebags?! Indeed.
> 
> This is the true answer:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp-oJhBx ... ed&search=


He scares me. 



> Believe me, it's something that most composers go through at some point in their career - and it's something that you'll eventually grow out of the more you compose and learn about your craft. I think this is the point where a lot of wannabes quit - but if you stick with it, you'll come out on top and better for it.



Cheers! I'm sticking this out, dag-gonnit!

-s


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## Waywyn (Mar 5, 2007)

Hey Buckles.

I didn't read every post so there might be double opinions and things that have been already said, but basically the psychological thing which happens here (and I guess someone else said it before) that you are now in a complete different situation than before in terms of writing music.

Before you went to "pro" you were free to write music whenever you wanted to ... NOW it IS your job and you HAVE TO do it, because if you DON'T do it, you are NOT getting paid ... I guess you already know this of course, but don't just read or think about this line ... really THINK about this.

So my suggestion is (like also other mentioned before) if you are not able to write something, then just don't do it.
Of course there are milestones and time limits, but how could you run a marathon if your legs are laming and they are so weak you can't even get out of bed.

Your brain is a complex contruction and a lot of people won't either talk about their problems and other talk about it (which you obviously did :lol
If there is some damage on the car, everyone goes to the mechanic within a few hours ... if there is something happening with the head, most people think they can manage it on their own, because the THINK they are fine.
But the big problem is, that you are using the SAME brain which has the problems (because you only got one, right? )
All stupid and maybe more extreme explanations I posted now, but I think you get the point.
This all might be pretty obviously but sometimes it just helps to think again all about this complex situation and relation between brain and body etc.

So really the best thing is to take time off writing whenever you can. Also don't force anything because you already KNOW that you are able to write cool tracks.

Another point to think about that now you have gone "pro" (damn, I hate this expression but it is the easiest way to put it ) you maybe THINK your tracks are worse than before, because now the tracks are there for a certain reason and you have to please other people (like your licence companies). Pressure again!

So, ask yourself, are your "bad" tracks really that bad? ... your do you just think they are bad.
Working under time pressures I have done some really badass stupid stuff and I really thought some like "Oh man, if somebody hears than shit, I get kicked out of this world only for this stupid and really really bad track" ...

Later on I get a call and the guy tells me that this is some brilliant work.

Isn't it strange? A few days later I listened to the track again and it really started to sound cool ... and also the other way round, I did tracks where I thought this is a personal master piece. That suddently a star raised on the sky only for me and this one song I did .... but suddenly I listened to it a few days later and it was really really bigass crap :lol: 


So if you have blocks, think about all this, take a walk and definitely try to see and listen to your environment. Most people take a walk and start to think and rotate with thoughts, but just cut everything off. Listen to your steps, try to catch noises. Think like a child: "Ahh, a tree, hmm, the tree is green, there is a bird sitting in it ... it sings a bit ... funny notes ... and there ... an old man ... his jacket is brown and long ... he is slowly walking ... there is a car ... I listen to my steps again" ...

All sounds maybe stupid again if you read that, but really thats the key and the best way to cut something off. Maybe do stuff you never did before .. do you read much? (Not score and books about compositions but just criminal or conspiracy theory books.) Ever get up at 4 in the morning, watching a movie? Taking a walk before going to bed? Also talk with everyone about that problem. Talking is the best medicine for the brain. Take your problems outside of yourself. Think about it after you had a talk with someone that you have been able to move your problems out of your head, through your mouth to the outside world where it gets lost.

There is so much you can do. You are an artist so it shouldn't be no problem to think of something weird or unusual to do.

So just free your thoughts and the rest comes on it's own.
Most important thing is, believe in yourself, NOT put yourself under pressure.

Okay, just a few thought, maybe they help


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## alanb (Mar 5, 2007)

Nick Batzdorf @ Sun Mar 04 said:


> Shitebags?! Indeed.
> 
> This is the true answer:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp-oJhBx ... ed&search=



That guy _does_ look scary, but I've actually seen something similar "in real life," with surprisingly positive results...

Laraaji (collaborator with Brian Eno on his "Ambient 3: Day of Radiance" album) put on a mesmerizing performance, MANY years ago @ The Kitchen (NYC).

[Tiny bit of context -- this was a jaw-droppingly cool mega-hour show, featuring sets by Laraaji, Jaron Lanier (the guy who coined the phrase "virtual reality," who played a mean khaen, and a _very_ serious piano), the Deep Listening Band (playing live from three different cities, simultaneously, via high speed audio/video connections), a Tibetan Singing Bowl ensemble, and a few other artists.] 

Laraaji's show included an electric hammered dulcimer, piano, singing, allegory-telling, and a deliriously funny bout of what he called "laughter therapy" which involved him standing front-and-center-stage [picture a very tall black man in an equally flowing white caftan] standing there laughing hysterically... and laughing hysterically... and laughing hysterically some more... pausing only to work some sort of buildup/release effect... using his hands to bid the audience join him... turning to face different sections of the dead-serious, musically mesmerized audience... he was working the crowd...

... after several minutes of collective headscratching, the audience started to give in... To my great surprise, he ultimately managed to loosen up the initially uptight NYC avant-hipster crowd. You could actually follow the gradual morphing from the audience's derisive laughter at the initial ones who were going along with Laraaji sincerely, into restrained, uncomfortable laughter by those who thought the whole thing was ridiculous but began to chuckle, reflexively with those around them, yet were too self-conscious to be heard laughing by the rest of the crowd, and finally into the relaxed laughter that eventually filled the space, as the overwhelming majority of the crowd finally let themselves go, and allowed themselves to laugh and smile and at least _appear_ happy.

That was a *true* New York City moment. And everybody in attendance really felt great (if a little embarassed) as they left. It certainly wasn't what anybody had expected when they bought their tickets. I wish that we all had more unexpectedly pleasant out-of-left-field moments like that...


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## Lex (Mar 7, 2007)

Yeah...trailers can do that..

My advice...take a break, dont think about it...5 days...5 weeks...as long as it takes to charge up again...its much better that you take a break and then write 10 great tracks in a month...then spend 5 months writing 50 shity tracks no1 will use..

cheers...

Alex


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