# I'm a fraud



## DerGeist (Apr 7, 2019)

I'll never get it right!

-- I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow.


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## CGR (Apr 7, 2019)




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## Nick Batzdorf (Apr 7, 2019)

Everyone is a fraud. That's the first rule.


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## Daniel James (Apr 7, 2019)

Trust me mate we have all been there. Just brush this one off and get onto the next one. Try to focus on the things that inspired you to try in the first place 

-DJ


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## Leandro Gardini (Apr 8, 2019)

Nothing works better than a nap or a good sleep.


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## Ashermusic (Apr 8, 2019)

Daniel James said:


> Trust me mate we have all been there. Just brush this one off and get onto the next one. Try to focus on the things that inspired you to try in the first place
> 
> -DJ



Agreed DJ.


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## Nick Batzdorf (Apr 8, 2019)

A professor at Berklee named Ken (Pul-something... can't remember his last name) said something that's stuck with me:

If you liked an idea when you first came up with it, trust that rather than your feelings after having heard it over and over while working on it.

Yes, sometimes seemingly obvious lines like that stick with me.


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## Nick Batzdorf (Apr 8, 2019)

Ken Pulman? Pohlman? Something like that...


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## halfwalk (Apr 8, 2019)

Nick Batzdorf said:


> A professor at Berklee named Ken (Pul-something... can't remember his last name) said something that's stuck with me:
> 
> If you liked an idea when you first came up with it, trust that rather than your feelings after having heard it over and over while working on it.
> 
> Yes, sometimes seemingly obvious lines like that stick with me.



This is simple yet wise, and applicable to so much more than just music. With so much crowding our heads every moment, it's easy to forget why we fell in love with something or someone in the first place. And when we fall into these patterns of self-loathing, i.e. "I suck" or whatever, our brains actually start to rewire themselves so that negativity becomes our default state (!). This feedback loop can, among other things, make you feel stuck in the Impostor Syndrome mud. So it's important to remind yourself of the things that don't suck, and sometimes that means adjusting your perspective (e.g. thinking about how you felt about the idea when you first came up with it, rather than after having heard it over and over).

Modesty is healthy, but don't be too hard on yourself; it's actually bad for your brain!


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## angeruroth (Apr 8, 2019)

halfwalk said:


> This is simple yet wise, and applicable to so much more than just music. With so much crowding our heads every moment, it's easy to forget why we fell in love with something or someone in the first place. And when we fall into these patterns of self-loathing, i.e. "I suck" or whatever, our brains actually start to rewire themselves so that negativity becomes our default state (!). This feedback loop can, among other things, make you feel stuck in the Impostor Syndrome mud. So it's important to remind yourself of the things that don't suck, and sometimes that means adjusting your perspective (e.g. thinking about how you felt about the idea when you first came up with it, rather than after having heard it over and over).
> 
> Modesty is healthy, but don't be too hard on yourself; it's actually bad for your brain!


Sooooo easy to think you know that... ...and so haaaaaaard to really unsertand it. I think doing the right thing in these cases is like "ok, I'll set what my sad mind is saying on fire, and then I'll have to kill my seccond idea so I can focus in the one I really loved when I was starting.".
If your first idea was that part of you is a composer, kill the other ones and keep going.
Then ask the now dead, but not really, sad parts, what are they thinking about it, and repeat the process 'till the sad parts are part of your global musical concordance.
Not sure if that makes any sense for you, but that's the way I see it right now.


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## halfwalk (Apr 8, 2019)

angeruroth said:


> Sooooo easy to think you know that... ...and so haaaaaaard to really unsertand it. I think doing the right thing in these cases is like "ok, I'll set what my sad mind is saying on fire, and then I'll have to kill my seccond idea so I can focus in the one I really loved when I was starting.".
> If your first idea was that part of you is a composer, kill the other ones and keep going.
> Then ask the now dead, but not really, sad parts, what are they thinking about it, and repeat the process 'till the sad parts are part of your global musical concordance.
> Not sure if that makes any sense for you, but that's the way I see it right now.



I'm not convinced that considering one perspective requires invalidating or disregarding all others. I was merely suggesting specifically targeted mindful reflection as a potential strategy for coping with self doubt or a depressive episode, a time when it's easy to forget how sometimes that inner self-critic can be actually just plain wrong.

But I don't know anything, I just have a chatty roommate studying neuroscience so I have to hear about it sometimes. So I'm shutting up now.


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## dpasdernick (Apr 8, 2019)

DerGeist said:


> I'll never get it right!
> 
> -- I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow.



Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! I was a fraud way before you were a fraud. I got so sick of failing at writing I dabbled in rap for a while. My stage name was "Heavy Frau D" I write the songs that make the young girls cry and everyone else hurl. I suck so bad my wife calls me Hoover. When I do a vocal take Autotune says "We can't process cat" I'm the only guy that can transform Cinematic Studio Strings into an 80's rompler with one single chord. Dude. Trust me. You will never fraud as much as I fraud.


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## Jeremy Gillam (Apr 8, 2019)

I am too


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## IvanP (Apr 8, 2019)

dpasdernick said:


> When I do a vocal take Autotune says "We can't process cat"



True Story...  

And all the rest, too. In the end, it still feels better to accept that we are a fraud VS thinking that we are not. It nurtures our will to to keep improving ourselves. 

Funny thing, humans tend to think of anyone saying that "I'm NOT a fraud" that they are indeed, haha.


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## munician (Apr 9, 2019)

At Nick Batzdorf:

Ken Pullig was his name...goood man....


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## angeruroth (Apr 9, 2019)

halfwalk said:


> I'm not convinced that considering one perspective requires invalidating or disregarding all others. I was merely suggesting specifically targeted mindful reflection as a potential strategy for coping with self doubt or a depressive episode, a time when it's easy to forget how sometimes that inner self-critic can be actually just plain wrong.
> 
> But I don't know anything, I just have a chatty roommate studying neuroscience so I have to hear about it sometimes. So I'm shutting up now.


Sorry, I was convoluted and a bit sarcastic, but I didn't mean you weren't right. On the contrary. I was just pointing out that, when it comes to oneself, it can be really hard to evolve from 'knowing' to 'applying', and from my own experience, if you don't think about that, it is easy to fail.
About disregarding perspectives, I think one should focus on just one, analyze it, integrate it, and then focus on the next. All at once means messy chaos, and that kind of chaos leads to depression. But I don't mean that one should try to kill or forget ideas. Ideas never die, and tend to come back. I mean you have to focus in one at a time, and that can be a time consuming process, although a worthy one.


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## eph221 (Apr 9, 2019)

If we felt you really felt like a fraud, we'd be surprised, no doubt. The problem with most musicians is a run away ego, no? Or are composers not musicians? This is the crux of the problem. Many aren't! That's why alot of composers feel like frauds: they've never mastered an instrument or instruments. Piano lessons when you're a kid doesn't quite cut it.


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## thereus (Apr 9, 2019)

I dream of becoming a fraud.


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## Studio E (Apr 9, 2019)

dpasdernick said:


> Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! I was a fraud way before you were a fraud. I got so sick of failing at writing I dabbled in rap for a while. My stage name was "Heavy Frau D" I write the songs that make the young girls cry and everyone else hurl. I suck so bad my wife calls me Hoover. When I do a vocal take Autotune says "We can't process cat" I'm the only guy that can transform Cinematic Studio Strings into an 80's rompler with one single chord. Dude. Trust me. You will never fraud as much as I fraud.


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## DerGeist (Apr 9, 2019)

I have survived my dark night of the soul with your help.

I was having one of those "I have been playing this damn thing for 30+ years, how I can I suck so bad" days. I'm a golden god until next week when I will be a fraud again 

Thanks all.


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## Robert_G (Apr 9, 2019)

Composer block??? Nah....only Writers get 'block'.
*goes back to staring at the 8 bars that took 2 days to write*


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## Symfoniq (Apr 9, 2019)

I put the “poser” in “composer.”


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## bill5 (Apr 9, 2019)

thereus said:


> I dream of becoming a fraud.


Somehow I'm reminded of this:


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## Will Blackburn (Apr 16, 2019)

Have you heard of imposter syndrome? Its really common among musicians. 

https://www.creativebloq.com/features/how-artists-can-overcome-imposter-syndrome


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## Nick Batzdorf (Apr 16, 2019)

munician said:


> At Nick Batzdorf:
> 
> Ken Pullig was his name...goood man....



Yes! Thanks!

What years were you there?


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## mikeh-375 (Apr 17, 2019)

Perhaps it's that annoying thing called the ineffable, always just out of reach. We keep striving but never fully attain whatever it is, hence our feeling of failure. The conscientious composer recognises this methinks (see, it's great you feel this way OP!!!). How many of us _thought_ we had written a good piece, only to listen to it a few months later and think nahhh, crap, best lay off the booze and get back on the road?


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## Fang (Jul 2, 2019)

DerGeist said:


> I'll never get it right!
> 
> -- I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow.



Yes you are a fraud; you're not as bad as you make out


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## Desire Inspires (Jul 2, 2019)

halfwalk said:


> Modesty is healthy, but don't be too hard on yourself; it's actually bad for your brain!



I don’t view modesty or humility as virtues.


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