# A new beginning



## Jaap (Jul 11, 2014)

I don't know exactly why, but since I am a member here for many years now and I truly love the community here and I have shared some parts of my story here and there I want to post an important happening.

Today I got the news that I finally get a new house after being through a sort of hell. On 12 February 2013 I was away from house when I got a call in the evening that my house was on fire. My fiancé and I where living in a holiday park temporary while we where busy finishing off the contract to buy a new home. We left our old home and decided to live a few months in a nice and beautiful holiday park while preparing for the big move to our new house.
Everything turned out in a hell.... Trudy (my fiancé) died in the fire and my life was ruined. From that point on everything went upside down. 
I lost everything I had and suddenly I was homeless (I could not continue to buy our house, since it was a mortgage based on 2 incomes) . I stayed in a hotel for a while, but couldn't afford longer stay. Because we where living on a holiday park I could not apply for the urgency rule to get a house. In the Netherlands it is hard to find a renting house with normal rates. You can rent immediatly something, but you pay a shitload of money and you have to have a steady workcontract and not freelance like me and since I lost everything I could not work as well, so I ended up in a sort of nomansland of stupid rules.
I was also lost mentally and lived even on the streets for a few weeks. Thank god a very good friend decided this was dangerous for me and offered me a place to stay for no matter how long. 

I tried everything to get a house soon, but no luck and seemed everything was against me. Happily the place at my friends turned out good. I picked up working again since November 2013 with tiny bits of equipment that I replaced (since the insurance refused to pay, horrible long story, but probably going to work out ok very soon), but I got some energy again from composing and being also here on the forum. Feeling a bit normal again.

I also sought counceling and that helped me really a lot to pick up my life little by little. I was already diagnosed with PTSD from severe trauma in the past, so this made it all even more complex, but I never wanted to give up and thankfully I could make a small turnaround regarding some parts of my life.
I made some great deals with some exclusive libraries, creating a nice, but manageable workload and more then that, giving me again a bit a confidence boost and energy 
And then finally today I got the news that I finally got an apartment that I can afford. I finally can create a place again that I can start calling home, though where I stay at my friend is good, it is not ideal. I think every studio guy would laugh his "ss off if he saw how I work in what is probably the most untreated room ever.
Now I can slowly build again on my future. Not the future I had in mind, a future without my Trudy next to me, but I slowly accepted that no matter what, I had to move forwards and this is what I am going to do.

Moving forwards to a new era in my life. A lonely and painful one with great loss, but also a positive one, because I realized that I had an amazing relationship and I am thankful that this has been part of my life. That makes it also more painful, but as well I am taking the good energy and good memories with me forever, no matter what happens.

Cheers great great VI community. This is one of the only places I am active on the internet, but the maturity (mostly o=? ) and great mindset of you all is also what gave me energy, by just reading great stories, interesting discussions, heated debates and just fun topics.

A big hug for you all and thanks!

Jaap


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## Stephen Rees (Jul 11, 2014)

I remember you made a comment on another thread a while ago about the death of your partner and I have remembered it ever since.

Your story brought a tear to my eye, and I am sincerely glad you are finding your way.

Wishing you much success and happiness in your new home.

With best wishes and much respect,

Stephen


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## Jaap (Jul 11, 2014)

Thank you Stephen for your great and warm words. That truly does good!


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## RiffWraith (Jul 11, 2014)

Big +1 to what Stephen said. All the best to you in the future.

Cheers.


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## Hannes_F (Jul 11, 2014)

Jaap, thank you for sharing your story. It is horribly sad and hopeful both in one.

Sometimes in the hardest pressure it happens that we feel the unbreakable diamond inside. At least that is what I noticed. All the best, Jaap!


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## emid (Jul 11, 2014)

Jaap, this is truly disturbing and heart breaking. I might not be able to restore my energies as you did after the loss you had but I salute you that you are recovering from the trauma on your own. Keep yourself motivated and uplift your moral for a new beginning. You will surely do well very soon.


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## JohnG (Jul 11, 2014)

Your story is very moving. I am terribly sorry for the losses you have suffered.


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## Izolus (Jul 11, 2014)

It's amazing to see that after all that you're gaining a hold on your life, which isn't easy at the best of times.

I would raise a glass for you, but that doesn't really work over the internet .

To a new beginning, and may there be many songs for you to write!


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## AlexandreSafi (Jul 11, 2014)

Jaap!

Thank you for sharing this story! Miles or kilometers from where you live, just know you have all my support too!
A quick little personal tool and practice that you can also start carrying with you wherever you are everyday or when times get tough, certainly has been working wonders for me:
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/03/10- ... -life.html

Best,


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## AC986 (Jul 12, 2014)

So glad it's beginning to work out Jaap! 

Must have been a terrible ordeal. Can't imagine. Time is great healer.

On On On!

:D


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## EastWest Lurker (Jul 12, 2014)

As Rocky said to his son in "Rocky Balboa", "It's not how many times you get knocked down; it's how many times you get back up."

Thank you for sharing your inspiring story and I hope you have much better days ahead and enjoy yourself writing some good music


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## marclawsonmusic (Jul 12, 2014)

What a tragic, yet hopeful story. Thank you for sharing.

I am glad things are looking better for you. I truly wish you all the best.


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## SergeD (Jul 12, 2014)

No future side by side with your fiancé but still inside your heart, pushing you to discover beautiful melodies. It's what I hope for you


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## Jaap (Jul 15, 2014)

Wow, thank you all for those really great and kind words. They need to sink in a bit here. I just read them all in once since I locked myself out of the forum for a few days by changing my email on my account.
Again a big thanks and big hug for you all! o-[][]-o


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## José Herring (Jul 15, 2014)

No words could adequately express the strength of character it took for you to survival all that. I wish you the very best and a wonderful future.


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## skitzmurd (Jul 15, 2014)

Jaap, I remember you welcomed me to the forum not too long ago. I never knew your story was like this. My condolences to your loss, and I really wish you nothing but the best in the future! I hope you archive all the success you've set out to, and glad to hear things are at least starting to get better!


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## NYC Composer (Jul 17, 2014)

I'm very sorry for your loss and your difficulties. I'm glad you've picked up the pieces of your life and started moving in the only direction that matters- forward. I congratulate you for your courage.

Stay the course. Best wishes to you.


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## madbulk (Jul 17, 2014)

Larry said it very well. 
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear of all you've gone through. I'm glad there was distraction and comfort from VI-C. And I wish you the best in the future.


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## TheUnfinished (Jul 17, 2014)

Jaap, you're a stronger man than I am.

One should never underestimate having a place you can call 'home'.

My best wishes for everything in the future. You're an asset to VI Control - keep posting my friend!

All the best,
Matt


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## Guy Rowland (Jul 17, 2014)

Heavens I've only just read this. The warmest of well wishes that this truly is a new beginning in every way.


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## Peter Alexander (Jul 17, 2014)

Hey Jaap, I had no idea. Please PM me and let me if there are some things I publish that I get you to help with your writing life.


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## Jaap (Jul 17, 2014)

Thank you all once again. This is giving me great energy.

@Peter - truly thank you for your great offer!

@Matt - one can never know how strong you will be. I think you will be suprised how much strength one can have at the most unexpected times. Maybe you remember Martin who passed away recently. I think he was a great example of what inner strength really is.
I agree that one should never underestimate the place we call home. If it is gone, you can feel lost. It is not the material itself, it are all the memories (the good and the bad and the boring) that are normally so logical that they are there that you hardly pay attention to it, but one should stand still now and then I think to reflect a bit.

Today I got all the paperwork sorted out and the 4th of August I get the key. I like a bit of black humor now and then and a made small joke to the woman of the housing corporation when she said "good luck with the moving", I replied, "that's the only advantage when your house is burned down, you only have to move yourself". 
The poor woman didn't know how to respond, but sometimes this kind of cruel black humor (which you can only do yourself) is a way to carry on.


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## Niah (Jul 19, 2014)

Crushing story but very inspiring too.

Good luck mate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzzIFrVZxx0


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## woodsdenis (Jul 21, 2014)

Jaap, speechless after reading that, you are a courageous and honest guy, my best wishes and prayers for you in the future.


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## Dan Mott (Jul 21, 2014)

Gees... Jaap. That's messed up.

Glad you are doing ok though. I do not think I could be as strong as you are. 

Just keep making music man. Good luck with everything.


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## MichaelL (Jul 21, 2014)

I am absolutely speechless, as well. Jaap, I cannot begin to imagine what you've been through. You have great strength, and courage. I wish you all the best, as you rebuild your life. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I just sent you a PM.


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## The Darris (Jul 21, 2014)

Jaap,

We all have obstacles in our lives that require us to make that extra push. Most go on trying to bypass them or take a short cut but you have faced them head on which is quite inspiring. I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best. This is a new beginning, like you said, and I wish you well. Take care!!

Cheers,

Chris


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## Jaap (Jul 21, 2014)

Thank you once again guys. It is really great to have your positive and encouraging words and I am in a way happy that my story can inspire as well.
From my own experience I also know that stories shared by others (from great to horrible) can help or contribute in some way.


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## Markus S (Jul 21, 2014)

Jaap, this is terrible to read and learn. You must be a very strong person to get back to music and a "normal" life this fast.

Losing your love and especially in these terrible circumstances must have caused pain I cannot imagine. It is so hard to accept the irreversiblity of death, but I hope in some way you will be able to make peace with it.

This is what I am wishing for you - warmest regards and a big hug from me,

Markus.


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## Jaap (Jul 23, 2014)

Thank you Markus and a big hug back. I don't know if I can make peace with it. I have accepted it and gave up fighting the idea that somehow it was all a bad dream and that one day I will wake up and that she is there. That was and still is the hardest part, but I don't know how, but somehow at some point I accepted the fact that she was gone for good. I hope I will have someday peace with it since I still feel angry and sad everyday, eventhough I accepted it (or maybe I didn't completely, dunno).

Today was an impressive day and even though I made jokes here on the forum it was a hard day with the whole day of national memorial in the Netherlands after the plane crash last week. It brought up so many feelings and frustrations and my situation is completely different and not as bad as the hell those people had to go through, still it brought back so many thoughts about the night of the fire, the fact that it took a week to officially identify here etc.
On days like this it is great to have good friends (though I lost many as well, you learn who your close friends are) and to have place like this, where you can be yourself, learn so many things, get inspired, laugh your ass off on great posts by Choco, enjoy some great written music and to have warm words like yours and all the others gave.


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## AlexandreSafi (Jul 23, 2014)

Jaap... Just found this today! 
Just know you're not alone in this, this will confirm something i had in mind... i hope it helps you a bit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE9IWvLz6Dk

Best to you,
Alex


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## Jaap (Jul 23, 2014)

AlexandreSafi @ Wed Jul 23 said:


> Jaap... Just found this today!
> Just know you're not alone in this, this will confirm something i had in mind... i hope it helps you a bit:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE9IWvLz6Dk
> 
> ...



Wow...thanks Alex. I hope someday I will feel the same and I find it very inspirational to hear. 
It is true that these kind of extremely emotional happenings can cause the biggest turnaround in your life and when I look back to the last year I noticed already that I am changed so much and that I am approaching life completely different. Things start to matter. This can cause also anger btw and is not always positive, but you become less indifferent in many many ways. 
Also on a musical level I care much more. Every note counts, even in commercial works. Every detail can be beautiful, frustrating, haunting or inspiring where I was indifferent in the past I think. Of course I cared, but much less. Those kind of things have changed in the past year and are still changing I think. It is a process you are not aware off or that you can control. It are the things you start to witness when you look back in a sort of helicopter view above yourself.

Thanks again Alex!


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## Markus S (Jul 25, 2014)

Jaap @ Wed Jul 23 said:


> Thank you Markus and a big hug back. I don't know if I can make peace with it. I have accepted it and gave up fighting the idea that somehow it was all a bad dream and that one day I will wake up and that she is there. That was and still is the hardest part, but I don't know how, but somehow at some point I accepted the fact that she was gone for good. I hope I will have someday peace with it since I still feel angry and sad everyday, eventhough I accepted it (or maybe I didn't completely, dunno).
> 
> Today was an impressive day and even though I made jokes here on the forum it was a hard day with the whole day of national memorial in the Netherlands after the plane crash last week. It brought up so many feelings and frustrations and my situation is completely different and not as bad as the hell those people had to go through, still it brought back so many thoughts about the night of the fire, the fact that it took a week to officially identify here etc.
> On days like this it is great to have good friends (though I lost many as well, you learn who your close friends are) and to have place like this, where you can be yourself, learn so many things, get inspired, laugh your ass off on great posts by Choco, enjoy some great written music and to have warm words like yours and all the others gave.



I understand, accepting that it really happened is already a huge step. And yes, I am sure it changed your vision of life, which is a positive thing, as everything, even the worst crisis also has a positive side to it, even though it doesn't appear so now.

Again, accepting things as they are and the past as it is, is what I wish for you. PM if you like to exchange more about it.

Markus.


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## Jaap (Feb 11, 2015)

I want to give a possitive update about this.

First of all I am so grateful for this great community and today is exactly two years ago that Trudy died, but strange enough it is also a new beginning right now.

Since very very shortly I have a new relation and I fell in love with a great and exceptional woman and jeez! butterflies all over haha.

I will never forget Trudy and this new feeling will not forget what we had. The opposite. It's a new day, but that doesn't mean yesterday never excisted or should be forgotten. They can excist together, but today I am celebrating the light of new day with in my heart all the good days of the past!
I think as Markus said above, I have finally made peace with it. I couldn't feel it that deep yet a few months ago, but now I can.

Cheers and love for you all and for this great place!


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## AC986 (Feb 12, 2015)

Great news Jaap!


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## TheUnfinished (Feb 12, 2015)

Good news Jaap, good news.


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## JohnG (Feb 12, 2015)

Thank you for telling us, Jaap. You have had more than enough ill fortune, so I am happy to think of good coming your way.


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## rJames (Feb 12, 2015)

Its hard to know what to say in a thread like this. First thing that comes to mind is how lucky I am that my family is safe and living a charmed life.

I hope only good fortune comes to you in the future.


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## Jaap (Feb 12, 2015)

Thank you again guys!

@rJames - I wish that all the luck and good fortune stays for you and your family as well. It is a great gift!


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## wst3 (Feb 12, 2015)

others have noted, but you really are an amazing person. I am thrilled to read that things continue to move forward for you.


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## snowleopard (Feb 12, 2015)

Thanks for sharing Jaap. Nice to hear some good news come your way.


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## BGvanRens (Feb 12, 2015)

I was pretty much in shock this morning when I read the topic, but it was also good to read that something positive is building up. Wish you all the best for the future!


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## Jaap (Feb 12, 2015)

Thank you again guys. It is great to also be able to share the good news and even more great to actually feel and live it!

Today was maybe one of the most intensive days. I have been with my new love for a few hours and we had a great time, but even greater was that she so much respects that there should be also room and time for grief and tonight I composed in more or less one take a small piece for Trudy that she will not be forgotten.

It's probably every cliché there is in this piece, but this is how I felt and wanted to express my feelings in music and who cares that it's with clichés
https://soundcloud.com/jaap_visser/never-be-forgotten

Tommorow again a new day with new light and lots of great VI posts here!

Onward with the show I say : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t99KH0TR-J4


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## Markus S (Feb 13, 2015)

Jaap @ Thu Feb 12 said:


> Thank you again guys. It is great to also be able to share the good news and even more great to actually feel and live it!
> 
> Today was maybe one of the most intensive days. I have been with my new love for a few hours and we had a great time, but even greater was that she so much respects that there should be also room and time for grief and tonight I composed in more or less one take a small piece for Trudy that she will not be forgotten.
> 
> ...


 o/~ o/~ o/~ o/~

Allow me to add this romantic string section.


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## Jaap (Feb 15, 2015)

Sounds lovely Marcus! I heard them non stop this weekend :mrgreen: 

I had two really great days with my new love and I am lost beyond hope haha. Dwelling with every love song that I hear :D


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