# 15 years as a "wanna-be". This is what I've learned.



## Studio E (Apr 12, 2018)

I must be in a rare mood to be posting randomly like this. I rarely visit this site anymore, not because it isn't great, because it really is. It's more a matter of it's particular value to me, from where I am and the amount of time I have left in any given day. The other fact is that I have always been a total gearhound, probably like many here, but at a certain point, if you are trying really hard to get good, and buying tons of libraries among other things, you eventually get a little numb to all the hype.

For instance, some time around 2001 or so, I was scouring ebay for an Akai S3000 or something so that I could buy "Symphony of Voices" to accompany my Roland XP-30 which had the built-in Orchestral Expansion board (JV-02?). My point being, and my time reference may be off, that Gigasampler was just something I may have heard of. Hell, the internet was pretty new to me then as well. I hadn't been inundated with nearly as much custom marketing. 

But I had seen Gladiator, Lord of the Rings, and Edward Scissorhands and I just HAD to become Hans or Howard or Danny. I HAD TOO!!!! If only I could afford that wall of samplers everyone was using....

Fortunately for me, I had other small responsibilities as a young 30-something, like the heating and air-conditioning installation and service job I had, or the family to feed, and the Little League games, and the dogs to walk, and the fence to build, and the roof to replace....etc etc...

So I just did the best I could and I just KNEW i could be awesome and win an Oscar and ALL my friends and former high school bullies would see me accept my award for Spielberg's latest film about the most heart-wrenching, feel-good story that somehow still had dinosaurs that anyone had ever seen.

So technology evolved and I always stayed right about two to three years behind all the newest trends in tech and software. Every time there was a major release, I was sure to dream about it every day for 6 months, until it finally wore off, and then a couple years later, at a reduced cost of about 20% of the original cost, I would pick it up on sale. I finally had THE BEST orchestral library EVER MADE, recorded by the best microphones, only visible to a certain class of elves with forest magic, phase-aligned in a way that had never been heard....ever!!!!.......but now everyone is using something else. Well shit.

In the meantime, I connected with some video producers, got work doing local political ads, then regional, then some government educational films, local tv commercials...blah blah blah. One thing turned into another and into another. It's never gone anywhere that seemed like a moment where I had "arrived". Yes, moments of being really proud of a seemingly new level of accomplishment, but never really close to my dream of being the next Danny Elfman. 

I always felt like I didn't have something it took. I'm not classically trained. I have no formal musical education. I don't have the latest tools. I don't live in the LA area...etc etc...

Now another 1/3 of my life has gone by. I've divorced, remarried, raised four children, scored a bunch of short films, started a home-based recording studio, dropped another year's salary or more into that, and the list goes on. At a certain point, I realized that I could have paid for my house twice with all I have spent on Software and recording equipment.

Here's my take-home point. Do it because it makes you happy now. Do it because it is undeniably who you are. Do it because you have NO OTHER CHOICE than to create art. Do it because you have something to say to the world and this is the best way you know how. The rest is bullshit. I mean sure, if you get a 6-figure contract, I guess it's not, or even if you are just making a comfy living, it's not bullshit, but I do think that doing it for any reason other than the fact that it makes you happy being on the journey, is bullshit. Your personal level of financial success or notoriety may vary. The important thing is that you are happy doing it and that it doesn't feel like a giant sacrifice if it doesn't pay-off to your initial expectations.

This leads into my other point, and I, like most, have learned this the hard way. Write your music YOUR way. Yes, learn whatever you want. I personally suck at this. I KNOW I am supposed to study scores, learn orchestration, find a mentor, and to a much lesser degree than many, I have. But at the end of the day, don't just bend your natural instinct to fit the vision of a director that wants a Thomas Newman clone. Sure, imply the style, but if you have an inner voice that compels you to turn left when Thomas would have turned right, do it. Don't sell your self short, at least not at this lower level (where I live) just to make someone else happy. The only time to completely bend to someone else's will, is when you decide that THAT is the exercise at hand. I have done exactly that, and it is indeed worth pursuing, but don't let that be your normal mode of operation.

In short, enjoy the journey. I really feel that there is no destination. The only destination you should try to achieve is personal happiness and life balance. That is still the daily goal for me. It usually involves a 9 hour workday in a non-musical field followed by 3 hours in the studio in the evenings, scoring a short, recording a band, mixing tracks, or studying an online course. It doesn't matter what I am doing down there. It all serves my passion, and I balance it with exercising and eating with my wife every evening and spending quality time on the weekends as well.

By the way, I am no one and an expert in nothing soooo......take of this what you will 

E


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## Desire Inspires (Apr 12, 2018)

So are you making money from your music?


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## Studio E (Apr 12, 2018)

Desire Inspires said:


> So are you making money from your music?


I make money, but I don't make a living from it. I do however love what I do.


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## CGR (Apr 12, 2018)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Eric. An interesting read, and it sounds like you've found a healthy balance.


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## D Halgren (Apr 12, 2018)

Studio E said:


> I must be in a rare mood to be posting randomly like this. I rarely visit this site anymore, not because it isn't great, because it really is. It's more a matter of it's particular value to me, from where I am and the amount of time I have left in any given day. The other fact is that I have always been a total gearhound, probably like many here, but at a certain point, if you are trying really hard to get good, and buying tons of libraries among other things, you eventually get a little numb to all the hype.
> 
> For instance, some time around 2001 or so, I was scouring ebay for an Akai S3000 or something so that I could buy "Symphony of Voices" to accompany my Roland XP-30 which had the built-in Orchestral Expansion board (JV-02?). My point being, and my time reference may be off, that Gigasampler was just something I may have heard of. Hell, the internet was pretty new to me then as well. I hadn't been inundated with nearly as much custom marketing.
> 
> ...


I'd say you made it. That's the exact same advice that @Rctec gives!


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## Studio E (Apr 12, 2018)

D Halgren said:


> I'd say you made it. That's the exact same advice that @Rctec gives!


Thanks, although Hans has certainly made it "for real", lol.


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## D Halgren (Apr 12, 2018)

Studio E said:


> Thanks, although Hans has certainly made it "for real", lol.


True, but as he says, even without the fame and money he would still be doing music, because it is life. Anyway, I very much feel the same as you and appreciate the validation. Cheers!


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## JTJohnson (Apr 12, 2018)

Studio E said:


> Do it because it makes you happy now. Do it because it is undeniably who you are. Do it because you have NO OTHER CHOICE than to create art. Do it because you have something to say to the world and this is the best way you know how.
> 
> E



This rings true to me and beautifully put. I am a medic and work a hell of a lot of hours but i have a overwhelming desire to create music, i rarely release any of it but do it for myself because i feel i have to. I have travelled for months on end and been away from music and again this longing feeling to create pulls at you. I do it for myself and anything else is a bonus. If i wasn't making music in some capacity then i wouldn't be being myself.


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## NYC Composer (Apr 13, 2018)

I’ve played, written or arranged music practically every day since I was 12 years old. I’ll be 64 this year. I made a living at it for almost 40 years. Now, I’m semi-retired, which means I only play or write about 6 days a week, 5-6 hours a day, half for libraries and half purely for myself. I still make money but not a living. Fortunately, my wife and I have worked hard over our lives and saved, and neither of us is particularly materialistic, so we can more or less choose to do what we like.

I would still be writing or playing practically every day even if I didn’t make a dime from it. I don’t ever plan on stopping. I don’t golf, I don’t play shuffleboard and I’m not all that social (although I do like to drink with other surly old codgers a few days a week). I get restless after two weeks of vacation. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had a career, to still be in the game to an extent, and to have something I’ve really enjoyed doing. I plan to be doing it for the rest of my days.


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## ghostnote (Apr 18, 2018)

Thanks for your warm and honest words Eric. Especially beginners should read this. The truth is that all that counts is you. Say you're at a wedding where every man wears exactly the same outfit. Who stands out? The one with charme, charisma, joie de vivre.

It's not the samples. It's how you use them. I've seen people doing things with Symphobia, which others couldn't even do with all libraries available. It's always the personality, not the possibility. I whish you all the best.


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## NYC Composer (Apr 18, 2018)

Ghostnote-you are so, so right.


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## ghostnote (Apr 18, 2018)

Thanks NYC Composer. I guess it all starts with a hard look into the mirror. Thanks for beeing around.


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## Jeremy Spencer (Apr 18, 2018)

Allegedly, when a man died in ancient Greece, they asked only one question: Did he have passion?

Excellent post Eric, I really enjoyed reading it as it's very close to my own experience. It's strange how after struggling to raise a family for many years, keeping up with the rat race, then getting divorced and starting all over again, I now feel free....and very content with everything. That is called true happiness. Although I work in a non-musical career (I'm also an HVAC guy), I still compose music and play drums professionally, and in my mind I have "made it"; despite what I thought "making it" meant for so many years. One of my bucket list items was to take formal piano and theory lessons, which I've been taking for the past 6 months and it's absolutely wonderful (I've played piano for 25+ years but only by ear). It's never too late for anything, the key is to keep moving and pursuing what makes you happy. If you talk to some top notch composers, they will tell you they got to where there are because of nothing more than luck (being in the right place at the right time). In our case, music is the passion....it what burns deep inside and drives us. If you ignore it, you'll be a grumpy SOB and age quick. But you also never know....what if you DID hit the big time? Anything is possible.

Anyways, great post, and it's always reassuring to know there are many who have had the same experiences. And make sure when you look back....you don't regret the things you did...but the things you didn't do.


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## Studio E (Apr 18, 2018)

Wolfie2112 said:


> Although I work in a non-musical career (I'm also an HVAC guy),



Good to know! Take care of those fingers and ears man. I finally graduated to a way easier place in the field but I humped furnaces and ACs for almost two decades.


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## chimuelo (Apr 18, 2018)

Money is easily attainable, happiness is far more important.


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## Jeremy Spencer (Apr 18, 2018)

chimuelo said:


> Money is easily attainable, happiness is far more important.



Couldn't agree more, well said.


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## Leon Portelance (Apr 20, 2018)

My career was going well until I had a severe Traumatic Brain Injury five years ago. I am still doing the best that I can, but I am very disabled. Musically things are going much slower than I’d like. But as long as I breath, I want to write music.


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## enyawg (Apr 20, 2018)

Leon Portelance said:


> My career was going well until I had a severe Traumatic Brain Injury five years ago. I am still doing the best that I can, but I am very disabled. Musically things are going much slower than I’d like. But as long as I breath, I want to write music.


Keep powering on my brother. Hopefully your passion and love for your craft will continue to bring you joy and success.


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## germancomponist (Apr 20, 2018)

Why were we all born here on earth, why were we given our lives? I think, first and foremost, that we can happily and happily experience the wonderful nature and everything on the planet. So that we live in the "here and now", not in the past and not in the future. Satisfaction and bliss are not the results of a lot of money, a career or anything! Our monetary system has manipulated and influenced everything, and people do not realize that they are walking in this hamster wheel. You do not have to become a world star to be happy! There are many unfortunate world stars who pump themselves with drugs to endure everything.

If you still want to be a global star, Eric, then make sure to see which people you make friends with. Without a well-disposed circle of friends, especially in the music business ..., it does not work!


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## mc_deli (Apr 20, 2018)

"if there was no rock'n'roll, just the sex and drugs would be OK"


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## Leon Portelance (Apr 20, 2018)

This was from a better time; featuring all vocals by the late great, Billy Cowsill. I sent this to Yoko Ono but it was returned unopened; it didn’t make it past her security. My musical heros are John Lennon and Beethoven.


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## germancomponist (Apr 20, 2018)

Cool!
BTW. John had seen through the system and texted it critically. I still have concerns about his "alleged" murderer ....


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## Leon Portelance (Apr 20, 2018)

Sometimes it is hard to believe it was just a crazy. People wanted him removed.


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