# Chillbot's guide to all n00b questions.



## chillbot

*CHILLBOT'S LIST OF SELF-SCREWERY*

1. Do I have to move to LA (or London, NY, etc)? No, but you're screwing yourself.

2. Do I have to learn music theory? No, but you're screwing yourself.

3. Do I have to learn to play piano? No, but you're screwing yourself.

4a. Do I have to buy Omnisphere? No, but you're screwing yourself.

4b. Do I have to buy Kontakt? No, but you're screwing yourself.

5. Do I have to have a sub? No, but you're screwing yourself.

That's really all there is to it, nothing more to discuss here.

EDIT TO ADD TO LIST:

6. Do I have to have Pro Tools? No.


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## SupremeFist

Absolutely, except I think it's time to retire the Omnisphere part though.


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## MartinH.

6. Do I have to be active on VI:C?


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## gsilbers

yep


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## Alchemedia

Hans Zimmer called. He wants to know how you came up with that list of dodgy questions and when your Master Class will be available?


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## Montisquirrel

I know that if I move to LA (or NY or London,...) I will screw myself.


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## LamaRose

Montisquirrel said:


> I know that if I move to LA (or NY or London,...) I will screw myself.


You'll have to wait in line for your turn cuz the hordes will get first shot.


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## CT

Reported.


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## Bman70

SupremeFist said:


> Absolutely, except I think it's time to retire the Omnisphere part though.


NO that is the core of the entire teaching!


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## chrisr

What's a sub?


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## FireGS

chrisr said:


> What's a sub?


Submarine.


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## chrisr

Oh - ha ha ha!!! You mean a sub monitor!!! Do n00bs really ask that?

I don't have omnisphere btw, or a sub, so i must be double screwing myself.


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## CT

chrisr said:


> What's a sub?


Well you see sometimes people like me who are extremely stubborn and hard-headed most of the time actually have a very different relationship with their significant othe-

It's a big speaker.


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## chrisr

Oh f*ck i don't live in London either!!!!

*edit - I'm good on the rest though... phew!


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## sinkd

MartinH. said:


> 6. Do I have to be active on VI:C?


For the love of all that is pure and sacred--do you want to screw yourself? YES.


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## sinkd

SupremeFist said:


> Absolutely, except I think it's time to retire the Omnisphere part though.


Nah.


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## sinkd

chillbot said:


> *CHILLBOT'S LIST OF SELF-SCREWERY*
> 
> 1. Do I have to move to LA (or London, NY, etc)? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 2. Do I have to learn music theory? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 3. Do I have to learn to play piano? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 4a. Do I have to buy Omnisphere? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 4b. Do I have to buy Kontakt? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 5. Do I have to have a sub? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> That's really all there is to it, nothing more to discuss here.


Mods: Pin this.


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## olvra

1.a. Do I have to learn Cubase/Logic/PT?


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## RSK

olvra said:


> 1.a. Do I have to learn Cubase/Logic/PT?


PT - yes. 

Logic or Cubase - Pick one.

This is not optional.


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## Trash Panda

You forgot: which beginner orchestra library should I buy first?


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## kevinh

Must learn to complain about legato every time a new library is released. In kvr similarly must complain about aliasing for every plug-in released.


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## TonalDynamics

Montisquirrel said:


> I know that if I move to LA (or NY or London,...) I will screw myself.


That's kind of a 'screw yourself if you do, screw yourself if you don't' situation 😔


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## TonalDynamics

kevinh said:


> Must learn to complain about legato every time a new library is released.


Must also learn to _accept_ that the vast majority of legato is and will continue to be sub-optimal at best, and in most cases unusable, for the rest of our simulation 😔


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## chillbot

From @Double Helix via PM:

6. Do I have to pay any attention whatsoever to anything a VI-C member posts? No, but you're screwing yourself.

I would agree but amend this to:

6. Do I have to pay any attention whatsoever to anything a VI-C member posts? No, but consider the source.

And not to say I'm worthy or anyone specifically is worthy, just consider the post history and source and take it into account. Anonymous posts such as myself are super sketchy.


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## Illico

7. Do I have to wait sales to buy VST Libraries? No, but you're screwing yourself.


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## DoubleTap

There's a joke about contortionists in this thread but I'm not agile enough to make it.


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## doctoremmet

8. Do I have to make obligatory “very excited” and “on the edge of silence” jokes in every Spitfire Audio teaser thread? No, but you’re screwing yourself


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## Ned Bouhalassa

9. If my EPIC track _feels_ right, but still needs *work*, do I have to *wait* to share it on VI-C? No, but you’re screwing yourself.


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## Stevie

chillbot said:


> *CHILLBOT'S LIST OF SELF-SCREWERY*
> 
> 1. Do I have to move to LA (or London, NY, etc)? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 2. Do I have to learn music theory? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 3. Do I have to learn to play piano? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 4a. Do I have to buy Omnisphere? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 4b. Do I have to buy Kontakt? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> 5. Do I have to have a sub? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> That's really all there is to it, nothing more to discuss here.


You forgot: does library x work nicely with library y?


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## Marcus Millfield

Do I need to know every frickin' sample library abbreviation in order to know what the hell people are talking about over here? No, but you're screwing yourself.

[/Personal grievance]


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## mikeh-375

chrisr said:


> What's a sub?


Something like a David Fairclough..... 

Do I need to up my tolerance to booze? (or is it different these days?)


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## Bemused

> Marcus Millfield : Do I need to know every frickin' sample library abbreviation in order to know what the hell people are talking about over here? No, but you're screwing yourself.


Oh Yes ! I would be more successful breaking the Enigma code than some of the Abbreviations......


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## thesteelydane

I’d wager it’s still better to screw yourself than not getting screwed at all.


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## Braveheart

Do I need to use terms like ‘mic positions’, ’128 gb of ram’, ´fortissimo’ and ‘I have 25 similar libraries, do I need this’, to look like an important composer?


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## doctoremmet

No. But a Mel Gibson avatar does help!


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## Casiquire

Only one I'm not totally on board with is Omni. I'm rarely satisfied with it. I spend way too long slogging through endless sounds that aren't what I'm looking for. Part of what i look for in samples is the ability to open it up and feel like i know exactly what I'll get out of it and how to achieve it. Can't seem to get to that point with Omni.


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## el-bo

Casiquire said:


> Only one I'm not totally on board with is Omni. I'm rarely satisfied with it. I spend way too long slogging through endless sounds that aren't what I'm looking for. Part of what i look for in samples is the ability to open it up and feel like i know exactly what I'll get out of it and how to achieve it. Can't seem to get to that point with Omni.


You could sell it. However, eventually (and sure as night follows day) you'll realise that in doing so you did indeed screw yourself.


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## Kyle Preston

I kinda feel the same @Casiquire , I'm a much bigger fan of Zebra and Diva to achieve sounds than Omni. I imagine we're still screwing ourselves though, because people *will *read these opinions and they *will *find ways to screw us for our lack of faith...


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## Casiquire

el-bo said:


> You could sell it. However, eventually (and sure as night follow day) you'll realise that in doing so you did indeed screw yourself.


I think in the future I'll be buying more third party sounds for it just for the sake of knowing exactly where to find each sound I'm looking for.


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## David Kudell

Casiquire said:


> Only one I'm not totally on board with is Omni. I'm rarely satisfied with it. I spend way too long slogging through endless sounds that aren't what I'm looking for. Part of what i look for in samples is the ability to open it up and feel like i know exactly what I'll get out of it and how to achieve it. Can't seem to get to that point with Omni.


I used to feel that way - there's a lot in there that is very high bandwidth, or has way too much going on, or really loud, so it doesn't fit in a mix. There are a lot of great things in there, it just takes a while to find it. The patches from The Unfinished though are great for scoring and have a really high hit rate for me.


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## davidson

10. Is masturbation evil?


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## el-bo

Kyle Preston said:


> I kinda feel the same @Casiquire , I'm a much bigger fan of Zebra and Diva to achieve sounds than Omni. I imagine we're still screwing ourselves though, because people *will *read these opinions and they *will *find ways to screw us for our lack of faith...


Not sure I agree. Screwing others takes a lot of energy. If you and Casiquire are content with screwing yourselves, I think I'd be inclined to leave you both to it


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## jmauz

Wow only 2 pages of responses until someone with no sense of humor goes all contrarian and tries to turn a harmless and tongue-in-cheek thread into a serious discussion.

Lighten up.


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## Kyle Preston

@davidson No but you're screwing yourse.....ahhhh I see what you did there. Touché salesman. Just like telling an android:

*The following sentence is true: the previous sentence is false. *


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## SupremeFist

David Kudell said:


> The patches from The Unfinished though are great for scoring and have a really high hit rate for me.


Luckily he also makes patches for Zebra.


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## el-bo

SupremeFist said:


> Luckily he also makes patches for Zebra.


I wonder if he realised that in not doing so he was screwing himself.


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## Casiquire

jmauz said:


> Wow only 2 pages of responses until someone with no sense of humor goes all contrarian and tries to turn a harmless and tongue-in-cheek thread into a serious discussion.
> 
> Lighten up.


It's not an either or! I'm cracking up here. All of humor has a grain of truth to it anyway; behind the humorous veil of the original post are actually some great points.


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## TonalDynamics

Casiquire said:


> It's not an either or! I'm cracking up here. All of humor has a grain of truth to it anyway; behind the humorous veil of the original post are actually some great points.


One might even say that the only reason things are funny at all, is because of the truth they contain 🥸


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## from_theashes

doctoremmet said:


> 8. Do I have to make obligatory “very excited” and “on the edge of silence” jokes in every Spitfire Audio teaser thread? No, but you’re screwing yourself


9. Do I have to make „8-bit“ jokes in every Spitfire Audio Scoring Competition thread?
No, but you‘re screwing yourself

10. Do I have to say that „orchestration is a key element in every single high end music production“ before a YouTube video starts?
No, but you‘re screwing yourself.


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## Brian2112

What is this N thing? Is it real? Yes and Yes.


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## Mr Greg G

Trash Panda said:


> You forgot: which beginner orchestra library should I buy first?


No, but you're screwing yourself.


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## PaulieDC

Marcus Millfield said:


> Do I need to know every frickin' sample library abbreviation in order to know what the hell people are talking about over here? No, but you're screwing yourself.
> 
> [/Personal grievance]


it's imposss ible to repppply to thissss when youuu can''''t stop lllllaughinggggg


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## Brian2112

I dare any of Y'all to ask @chillbot what midi chord packs he uses.


...I'll just be over here behind this rock.


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## LatinXCombo

chillbot said:


> 4b. Do I have to buy Kontakt? No, but you're screwing yourself.


That's disappointing. Have had nothing but trouble with Kontakt!


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## chillbot

LatinXCombo said:


> That's disappointing. Have had nothing but trouble with Kontakt!


My advice for these kind of things is to throw it out the window.


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## Nando Florestan

- Do I have to learn music composition from a personal teacher?
- No, but you're screwing yourself.


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## LatinXCombo

chillbot said:


> My advice for these kind of things is to throw it out the window.


Wait, but it's just data stored on my solid state drive, does that mean...?


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## chillbot

LatinXCombo said:


> Wait, but it's just data stored on my solid state drive, does that mean...?


Yes. Yes it does.


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