# Recommendations for books on social skills



## bryla (May 27, 2010)

So I read Nan Avant's fine article at SCO, and she says that you can do a google search on conversational books. So I did - and wow! there's a big market for that.

So I wondered if you know of any and have had succes with any. The first one I found was http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684868016/ref=ord_cart_shr?ie=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068486 ... PDKIKX0DER) and I think I recognize the authors name. Do any of you know it? Know any of the frequently bought together?

Please any recommendations on this subject are welcome!

Thomas


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## synergy543 (May 27, 2010)

The most famous one of course is http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274981087&sr=1-1 (Dale Carnegie's &quot;How to Win Friends and Influence People&quot;)

Caveat: I don't have any friends but I didn't finish reading the book either. Someone gave it to me (I think it was a hint...).


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## JohnG (May 27, 2010)

I think Choco is working on one.


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## madbulk (May 27, 2010)

synergy543 @ Thu May 27 said:


> The most famous one of course is http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274981087&sr=1-1 (Dale Carnegie's &quot;How to Win Friends and Influence People&quot;)



Things worked out pretty well for graduate Warren Buffett.


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## synthetic (May 27, 2010)

synergy543 @ Thu May 27 said:


> The most famous one of course is http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274981087&sr=1-1 (Dale Carnegie's &quot;How to Win Friends and Influence People&quot;)
> 
> Caveat: I don't have any friends but I didn't finish reading the book either. Someone gave it to me (I think it was a hint...).



Finish it! Great book.


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## jlb (May 27, 2010)

Just become interested in other people. That's all you have to do.

jlb


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## cc64 (May 27, 2010)

jlb @ Thu May 27 said:


> Just become interested in other people. That's all you have to do.
> 
> jlb



That's the first step but it seldom automatically translates into them getting interested in you...wich would be the second step but this one's a bit trickier ; )

Best,

Claude


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## bryla (May 27, 2010)

Thanks! It's not about my interest in people. I have a hard time when I'm surrounded by lots of people at parties for example. I have a hard time picking up the phone. It's not really "that's all you have to do for me"


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## bryla (May 27, 2010)

Oh and if Choco did a book - I wouldn't want to buy it


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## PasiP (May 27, 2010)

I sometimes have hard time doing small talk but I'm getting better and better at it.


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## synthetic (May 27, 2010)

Carnegie book changed my life. I reread it every few years. Great stories.


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## Nick Batzdorf (May 27, 2010)

I'm working on one called "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People." It's autobiographical.


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## C M Dess (May 27, 2010)

I have debilitating people problems since forever. This is because I was raised from dirt poor origins and few care to relate. My soul is buried somewhere in the crevices of Ronald Reagan's shoe. The thing next to the dog poop. It's much about the huge differences between extroverts (idiots that run the world into the ground utilizing the slave pyramid system and act like it's gravy)...and introverts, people who strive to make the world an inspiring place to want to stay alive but get their teeth kicked in by extroverts daily. The very structure of the world right now is the problem...the problem is not you or I. We see "shallow idiot talk that isn't trying to create a better world"...they see divine leadership and wisdom in the latest sports team picks.

Of course the worst part is, we complete each other. :x As you grow more and more into your career, social skills go out the window like a weak muscle. The internet complicates isolation, so that's good.

In this area I have read:
Dealing with people you can't stand...

Obviously it f-ing worked. 8) 

PS: Nice thread


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## C M Dess (May 27, 2010)

The gist of the book is....

4 modes of conscious intention. 

- Get Along
- Get Appreciated
- Get it Done
- Get it Right

These being the initial stems from which intentions are based. As you drift around levels of focus the stems fuse. Focal areas include

- People Focus
- Task Focus
- Passive 
- Aggressive

As the book progresses you see examples of personality traits and how they come to be misunderstood. 

Some have commented that the book should be required reading in schools. Just to know how far some have to travel to survive "team work".

Key word being "respect"...an endangered resource in today's ($$$) world.

So Nick Phoenix is obviously in "Get Appreciated" mode. This mode backfires like crazy!


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