# The illusion of unobstructed creativity



## MartinH. (Oct 9, 2020)

Have you ever thought "If only I _____, I could finally compose with much less friction"? I have a hunch quite a few people around here know the feeling. 

A while ago I wondered how it can be that the more sample libraries I bought, the less music I composed, and how some people manage to just give zero fucks about gear and just create things with what they have. Recently I was proper baffled seeing an indie gamedev still use Goldwave...

Going by sheer quantity, I might have composed more in Guitar Pro with oldschool Midi sounds, than with Metropolis Ark 1. Hell, I'm probably spending more time daydreaming about eventually composing something, than actually doing it these days. And in my mind it's always a lot easier than it is when I ever sit down to do it. 

I'm not quite sure what to think of that. Do I need to basically go back to composing with oldschool midi sounds to get anything done? Whenever I open Reaper I get sucked into a rabbithole of tweaking sounds but not composing anything. You probably can't answer that for me, but I'm interested in reading some related thoughts on this. Sorry if this got a bit rambly.


----------



## Alex Fraser (Oct 9, 2020)

First up, I award you thread title of the month. 🏆

It's an interesting idea and something that I actually put into practice with a purge of software and hardware a little while back. Does it make me more productive? I'm not sure (damn you, internet) but it certainly makes writing for me less stressful. There's less tech friction, less decisions to make. It's a personal thing of course.

I've always wondered about old school composers like John Williams and how much of their collective god-like output can be attributed to not worrying about SSD space, legato transitions and the rest of it.


----------



## easyrider (Oct 9, 2020)

Reminds me of the my guitar isn’t good enough to learn how to play...I’ll learn when I get myself that USA fender Strat....

My first guitar was a pile of shit....but I learnt on it....then got myself that USA Strat...

Buying libraries and making excuses is just the same...if you can’t compose a piece of music because of the library then one is deluding themselves ...

With all the tools and libraries available today people are still making excuses...my computer isn’t fast enough...I need more storage, I don’t like my keyboard...the legato in this library sucks...I don’t like the sound of the brass, the solo violins are weak....

All this goes on and nothing gets written...

Fact is, 100% of the time it’s the person not the tools you have heard it before....”I’ll buy more shit I don’t need cause if I get that new library I’ll create something”


----------



## RobbertZH (Oct 10, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> A while ago I wondered how it can be that the more sample libraries I bought, the less music I composed, and how some people manage to just give zero fucks about gear and just create things with what they have. Recently I was proper baffled seeing an indie gamedev still use Goldwave...



Very recognizable.
One time-loss of which I am guilty, is regularly going to vi-control and see what new libraries have come out, watching lengty walkthroughs on youtube (often 1 hour for each walkthrough), then being sidetracked because youtube showed other videos in the sidebar which could be of interest to me, then finally buying new libraries, spending much time to going to all presets (a week ago I bought Analog Lab from Arturia, with really nice sounds, but it has around 8000 presets), etc.

And then I have little time left doing actual music making and finishing a musical piece.
No problem to get an initial idea recorded, but making a complete musical piece requires lots of time, perseverance and hard work. Being sidetracked (listening to, buying and testing) new libraries requires much less effort. Plus you hear all those wonderful demos and you think that buying that new library you will automatically create just as wonderful music. So that is the constant temptation and diversion of new libraries.


----------



## CT (Oct 10, 2020)

The problem, for me at least, is absolutely freedom. Too many musical possibilities to explore (and insecurities to be felt in the face of others' achievements, but that's another topic), too many toys to be distracted by, and no one breathing down my neck about finishing something (though my girlfriend tries, and gets infuriated by the amount of unfinished scraps I have laying around)... these all contribute to me being unproductive.

Another obstacle is the sheer amount of work that goes into being a one man band. If I knew that x ensemble were going to be sitting there in x great recording space on x date, ready to play... suddenly there's quite a bit of impetus to get something done. Instead, I sort of dread the technological middleman in getting a good virtual performance, as much as I simultaneously appreciate the fact that it's even possible.

I think, then, that your hunch about simplifying is correct. I've recently been trying to limit myself in a bunch of ways, to zero in on what I really care about and want to accomplish. Eliminating possibilities of all types is very satisfying and leaves a clearer way forward. Might be worth exploring more?


----------



## ProfoundSilence (Oct 10, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> Have you ever thought "If only I _____, I could finally compose with much less friction"? I have a hunch quite a few people around here know the feeling.
> 
> A while ago I wondered how it can be that the more sample libraries I bought, the less music I composed, and how some people manage to just give zero fucks about gear and just create things with what they have. Recently I was proper baffled seeing an indie gamedev still use Goldwave...
> 
> ...


I wrote effortlessly when the scope was smaller. 

Part of my dramatic slow down was the advent of newer, more powerful, and accessible virtual instruments... The other part is that I never needed to know anything about orchestration because I'd never have access to a symphony... so now that I have the tools and access - there is the combination of learning how to orchestrate with two hands tied behind my back while I master the technology. 

I miss the midi stuff I wrote, because it was all just trying to be effective/efficient part and melody writing. My first foray into virtual instruments was actually a follow up from my first foray into playing/writing on keyboard in general, so I was able to erk out a lot of ideas just by playing a "new" instrument - but I hadn't reached the point that I was actually orchestrating anything, I was just using orchestral sounds on a keyboard. 


That said, I've reached a point where I'm increasingly satisfied with my toolkit, slowing down on purchases/ect - and orchestration knowledge has grown a lot, and sooner or later I need to just sit down and get crafting music.


----------



## jcrosby (Oct 10, 2020)

easyrider said:


> Reminds me of the my guitar isn’t good enough to learn how to play...I’ll learn when I get myself that USA fender Strat....
> 
> My first guitar was a pile of shit....but I learnt on it....then got myself that USA Strat...
> 
> ...


_A good craftsman doesn't blame his tools..._



RobbertZH said:


> Very recognizable.
> One time-loss of which I am guilty, is regularly going to vi-control and see what new libraries have come out, watching lengty walkthroughs on youtube (often 1 hour for each walkthrough), then being sidetracked because youtube showed other videos in the sidebar which could be of interest to me, then finally buying new libraries, spending much time to going to all presets (a week ago I bought Analog Lab from Arturia, with really nice sounds, but it has around 8000 presets), etc.
> 
> And then I have little time left doing actual music making and finishing a musical piece.
> No problem to get an initial idea recorded, but making a complete musical piece requires lots of time, perseverance and hard work. Being sidetracked (listening to, buying and testing) new libraries requires much less effort. Plus you hear all those wonderful demos and you think that buying that new library you will automatically create just as wonderful music. So that is the constant temptation and diversion of new libraries.



Sounds like the real issue is cutting out distractions. Easier said than done for sure, but totally possible. If you're not finishing enough music a new library or piece of software isn't going to change anything... (If anything it's just one more distraction.)

Stick with what you have and get to know it well. Chances are you already have plenty of what you need, and what you actually need is to limit yourself to the tools already in your toolbox. Speaking of which...Back to the craftsman analogy...

How many full time carpenters do you think spend their time going down a YT rabbit hole watching video of reviews of hammers or powered screwdrivers and tell themselves 'even though I already have 4 of those that more or less do exactly that, I really need that one to finish that job I'm currently already working on'? Probably very few...

Bluntly, online marketing is ruthless and a major source of distraction. And YT's algorithm is designed to do exactly what you describe, they measure their currency in user _engagement._ Fight the urge and instead try focusing on finishing a piece of music you've been meaning to cross off the list.

And yet... Here I sit, typing these words into VI-C...


----------



## marclawsonmusic (Oct 10, 2020)

I empathize.

In recent days, I have reduced my palette considerably, and have found this leads to more productivity. With fewer choices, it is easier to focus on _writing _and not the tools. 

A positive side effect is that you end up learning those few tools very well.


----------



## Saxer (Oct 10, 2020)

I like to work for customers. There's a specific task to do, they are waiting for a result and it has to be done in time.
If nobody is waiting for a result it's much harder for me. It helps when I try to be my own customer. I want to have s specific result and it doesn't have to be extraordinary. I can't know if the result will be good until it's done so it's the best to try to work good enough but without any too high expectations.
And before loading any template it's the best to make a sketch. I always use a Rhodes sound for that. It's my pencil. Sometimes just 8th notes as a sketch for a groove or a single monophonic melody as a place holder for for a full tutti. But at least something to work with before having a blank template.


----------



## Lea1229 (Oct 10, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> I'm not quite sure what to think of that. Do I need to basically go back to composing with oldschool midi sounds to get anything done?



In Sibelius I often use the basic MIDI sounds when composing. Even though the newer samples often sound nicer, they're a little rowdier (harder to control) and always seem to muddy everything up. With the basic MIDI I can hear everything clearly, and there's no illusion that if I just do this one tweak it'll be perfect. After it's written I pull it into my DAW and use the samples. 

In terms of composing in a DAW I can see how it would be similar. It seems like the writing phase should come first, and the sound shaping/editing should happen after.


----------



## MGdepp (Oct 10, 2020)

First of, we are all chatting here in a social media that is geared towards creating incentives to buy more. And - as you brilliantly put it - buying more is making you less creative. You become a consumer and the system needs lots of consumers, which is why there are ways to make you more of a consumer. Every day you visit Facebook or google or anything on the internet, an algorithm is bombarding you with suggestive information and manipulation. We are all suffering from that. It is the price we pay for getting all of those things on the internet „for free“. Most people just never realize that.

That is why I feel an increasing urge to let all of that go. It just ain’t easy, as all of it is highly addictive ...


----------



## Patrick.K (Oct 10, 2020)

Saxer said:


> I like to work for customers. There's a specific task to do, they are waiting for a result and it has to be done in time.
> If nobody is waiting for a result it's much harder for me. It helps when I try to be my own customer. I want to have s specific result and it doesn't have to be extraordinary. I can't know if the result will be good until it's done so it's the best to try to work good enough but without any too high expectations.
> And before loading any template it's the best to make a sketch. I always use a Rhodes sound for that. It's my pencil. Sometimes just 8th notes as a sketch for a groove or a single monophonic melody as a place holder for for a full tutti. But at least something to work with before having a blank template.


It is an excellent method, to start simply with the piano, and to harmonize and orchestrate then, which unfortunately I do not do, and it is a fatal error!. I do it however !.
Most of the time, I load my template, the whole orchestra with lots of articulations, and I build my piece by orchestrating and harmonizing little by little, often without really knowing where I'm going, it's not a good method, and that explains why I have a lot of unfinished work, yet with beautiful themes ... waiting to be completed by a real professional, which unfortunately will not happen!.!


----------



## el-bo (Oct 10, 2020)

jcrosby said:


> How many full time carpenters do you think spend their time going down a YT rabbit hole watching video of reviews of hammers or powered screwdrivers and tell themselves 'even though I already have 4 of those that more or less do exactly that, I really need that one to finish that job I'm currently already working on'? Probably very few...



Carpenters also don't open their tool-sheds and get overwhelmed by the amount of tools they have. They grab the one's that they need for the specific job, at hand. Same for the chef, who might have shelf-loads of herbs and spices, but doesn't get overwhelmed by the options.

The reason, in both these cases, is that they already generally have a plan before opening the kitchen/shed door.

If you open your DAW, with no plan, it's understandable that options overwhelms and you never bother to start.

Try to make a plan for what you are going to try to create, and even think about the tools/limitations you might want to set yourself. Perhaps make a numbered list all the instruments you own, on a piece of paper, or on anything that isn't your computer screen. And if even that choice is overwhelming, then use a set of dice to randomly select your tools, thus removing all that so-called paradox of choice 

I'm not saying that there aren't people who really do much better with a handful of tools. I am just suggesting that you can recreate that same limited set of choices, without denying yourself the ability to draw from a much deeper well. You could sell everything you own, and decide to do everything on Omnisphere, or you could just decide to use nothing but Omnisphere, while keeping everything else on hand, for that moment when you invetably get nostalgic for all that other shit

Perhaps try using multiple templates, as opposed to one huge, sprawling template. Kit each of them out with a small selection of instruments that are conducive to composition in that specific chosen, genre. Include some basic routing, with a good selection of fx on sends, so that you can very quickly give shape to an idea, before the motivation gets lost.

Perhaps consider, also, that making music might not always mean working left-to-right along a daw timeline. Perhaps try to compartmentalise different processes. In a recent podcast interview, BT referred to this as (And I paraphrase) "giving gifts to our future selves" This might include designing synth patches, sampling, field-recording, editing long-form jams e.g from a modular rig (Hardware or software); basically, anything that can be done to support the music-production process, that might not involve being daunted by going full-composition.

Here's the interview. Some great workflow tips:





Also, to speak to this nostalgic idea of how we might have used to get much more done when we had less...stuff. I remember completing my first self-produced CD with a drum machine, four-track, fx rack, a couple of guitars and a synth. It took 10 days, from writing to completion. This was about 25 years ago. It would be easy to feel that my limited options made this process much easier. However, in hindsight, the biggest difference compared to now was that I didn't have the internet constantly begging for my undivided attention. It's no small thing.

Lastly, and perhaps not totally unrelated, there is this idea that merely planning to achieve a task gives us a little dopamine hit; enough that it may remove some of the drive to succeed at the *actual *task. Like buying a whole new set of stationary, for a new study-plan or cleaning the fridge of bad foods, for the new diet makes us feel like we've already achieved something, perhaps the talking of and buying of sample libraries etc. gives us the false-sense that we are still achieving something as musicians/composers.

Evidently, there are those who are able to talk about and buy sample libraries while actually making music. Just an idea for those of us whose compositional endeavours are declining at the same rate as our gear acquisition increases


----------



## MartinH. (Oct 10, 2020)

Great replies so far, thank you everyone! I'm glad I'm not alone in this.



Alex Fraser said:


> First up, I award you thread title of the month. 🏆


Thank you kindly! I shall cherish it as my proudest creative accomplishment of this month. 



Alex Fraser said:


> There's less tech friction, less decisions to make. It's a personal thing of course.
> 
> I've always wondered about old school composers like John Williams and how much of their collective god-like output can be attributed to not worrying about SSD space, legato transitions and the rest of it.



If I was good enough, I could see myself being a pencil & paper guy. But I'm far away from that, and I neither like pencils nor paper, and looking down for long is bad for my neck. I wish I had a better way to get melodies out of my head into midi with some kind of magic mind reading device. I find as soon as I hear sounds, it drowns out any melodies I was hearing in my head. And I'm not good at writing them out (and getting it right) in silence.



MGdepp said:


> That is why I feel an increasing urge to let all of that go. It just ain’t easy, as all of it is highly addictive ...


This forum most of all things I find. I'm halfway over the sample chase. It's easier to pass on deals if I can say to myself "I'm not gonna compose any music with it anyway", which sadly has become quite the convincing argument. And now I'm basically waiting for the Cinematic Studio Series NKS sale once CSW and CSPerc are finished, which must still be years out. I like the idea of having this huge bundle to look forward to, but by then I at least want to feel like "I'm gonna make good use of this", and I'm far away from that at the moment.



Lea1229 said:


> In terms of composing in a DAW I can see how it would be similar. It seems like the writing phase should come first, and the sound shaping/editing should happen after.


I agree with that, or at least I want to try it out. But I don't want to learn an entirely new program either and I have no clue what approach would really work for me, or if any.



Saxer said:


> I like to work for customers. There's a specific task to do, they are waiting for a result and it has to be done in time.
> If nobody is waiting for a result it's much harder for me. It helps when I try to be my own customer.


I can count my composing gigs on one hand, but it is true that it was a lot easier to write to external briefing and feedback. You have a good point about being your own customer. I actually managed to get close to that mindset a hand full of times, and was able to knock things out at a good speed. But I'm not sure if that is a switch I can flick at will. Would be cool though. I should try it again and see what happens.




jcrosby said:


> And yet... Here I sit, typing these words into VI-C...


Haha, it's so hard to put down, isn't it? Doesn't help that I have so few people outside the forum that share my interest in making music. Maybe we should all try a no-forum-for-1-month-challenge at some point. I was gonna suggest a no-forum-november, but that would collide with black friday and I don't think anyone would manage to succeed. I'm open for alternative suggestions! It will be easier if there is some shared accountability of people joining in publicly. And after that month maybe we'll have experienced a sudden increase in productivity? :D



ProfoundSilence said:


> I miss the midi stuff I wrote, because it was all just trying to be effective/efficient part and melody writing.


Why not go back to it now and just write a full track that way? For old times sake? What's keeping you from doing it?



ProfoundSilence said:


> and sooner or later I need to just sit down and get crafting music.


Just hypothetically, once you're happy with your template and your chops and you sit down to write your magnum opus that you've been thinking about all these years... but it still isn't any easier than a year ago, and you _still _feel stuck. What would you do?



Mike T said:


> I think, then, that your hunch about simplifying is correct. I've recently been trying to limit myself in a bunch of ways, to zero in on what I really care about and want to accomplish. Eliminating possibilities of all types is very satisfying and leaves a clearer way forward. Might be worth exploring more?


I like the idea, but I'm also afraid it would just turn into a different kind of procrastination to find or build that more streamlined solution to writing. You know what I mean? I marvel at the sight of people who use terrible tools with tons of friction and still get loads or composing done.



RobbertZH said:


> And then I have little time left doing actual music making and finishing a musical piece.
> No problem to get an initial idea recorded, but making a complete musical piece requires lots of time, perseverance and hard work. Being sidetracked (listening to, buying and testing) new libraries requires much less effort. Plus you hear all those wonderful demos and you think that buying that new library you will automatically create just as wonderful music. So that is the constant temptation and diversion of new libraries.


I've heard a good talk about procrastination and the guy said that it's never just one reason, or we'd long have figured out the solution to it. It's a complex combination of reasons that keeps us from doing things. I think phrasing it in a slightly naive way, at the core my feeling is: "I thought this is supposed to be fun and easy?! When I see others compose, it looks fun and easy. Why is this hard and frustrating instead? It's supposed to be a hobby, how can this be so exhausting, wtf?"




el-bo said:


> Lastly, and perhaps not totally unrelated, there is this idea that merely planning to achieve a task gives us a little dopamine hit; enough that it may remove some of the drive to succeed at the *actual *task. Like buying a whole new set of stationary, for a new study-plan or cleaning the fridge of bad foods, for the new diet makes us feel like we've already achieved something, perhaps the talking of and buying of sample libraries etc. gives us the false-sense that we are still achieving something as musicians/composers.


That's very interesting! I heard of a study about how announcing "identity goals" like "I'm gonna go to the gym and be fit!" lowers the likelyhood of actually achieving those goals, compared to a control group who just went to the gym and didn't announce it. I could totally see the planning thing to also have a dopamine releasing effect and it's in line with me basically enjoying the _thought _of composing more than actually doing it. But what's the solution to that? Only doing random unplanned things? How did we ever get hard things done in the past?



el-bo said:


> Perhaps consider, also, that making music might not always mean working left-to-right along a daw timeline. Perhaps try to compartmentalise different processes. In a recent podcast interview, BT referred to this as (And I paraphrase) "giving gifts to our future selves" This might include designing synth patches, sampling, field-recording, editing long-form jams e.g from a modular rig (Hardware or software); basically, anything that can be done to support the music-production process, that might not involve being daunted by going full-composition.


All these things are basically what I switched to, because "composing is too hard". I have like a hundred different guitar ampsim setups by now, dozens of synth patches and fx chains, even started making my own Kontakt patches with samples that I recorded myself. All cool, all fun, all usefull in some roundabout way and good opportunities to learn, but also hugely distracting and much easier than composing. I came to the conclusion that this stuff - while allowing me to actively "engage" with music at all when I'm not up to the challenge of "composing" something new - it doesn't solve my problem at all.


----------



## jcrosby (Oct 10, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> Great replies so far, thank you everyone! I'm glad I'm not alone in this.
> 
> 
> Thank you kindly! I shall cherish it as my proudest creative accomplishment of this month.
> ...



BTW I'm not saying I'm not guilty of overbuying. I'd say most of us here are at some point or another. But after amassing a ton of kontakt and patch libraries over the years I've become pretty careful about what I buy, and why. Basically if something fills a niche I don't have, or fits a specific niche-genre I'm frequently briefed in that needs to sound fresh then I'll consider a particular library, plugin, etc. Sure I'm guilty of the odd impulse buy but I've gotten a lot better at being judicious about what I buy. Not only does it eat less time, it makes migrating machines and maintaining a second one a lot less painful.

Walkthrough videos are a real time sucker. I rarely find I get much out of them unless they're something like a patch play-through. I try and avoid them unless they can be used to give me a clear idea if a particular sample or preset library will deliver the goods I'm after. If a library has complex features I may skim through it to see if my hunch about a feature was right, but more often than not patch play throughs are the ones I find the most useful.

(*Sidebar* - this industry needs a frickin way to demo instruments. I doubt we'll ever see any development on that end in the future since we haven't yet... But ironically part of the reason why the time-sucking phenomena of the _walkthrough video_ even exists is because instrument developers haven't put any real effort into thinking through the enduser experience when it comes to buying 3rd party content that doesn't directly put money in their pocket. Wishful thinking... But a good opportunity to discuss the time-sucking phenomena of the walkthrough video...)

As far as making your own sample patches, that's a useful thing. I do this between projects frequently so I don't find myself having to do it during one... Maybe try breaking your production process up into chunks of different tasks... Perhaps try writing most days and use one day a week to do things like that - sampling, sound designing, adding a new library to your template, etc. If a given project calls for it the situation will dictate that, sometimes that's just the way a project goes.. But try and limit different tasks to different days if/when possible..

Bottom line - don't get swept up in the FOMO phenomenon. The only thing you're missing out on is satisfying your creative impulse.


Right! I've fucked off long enough for this afternoon!


----------



## el-bo (Oct 12, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> That's very interesting! I heard of a study about how announcing "identity goals" like "I'm gonna go to the gym and be fit!" lowers the likelyhood of actually achieving those goals, compared to a control group who just went to the gym and didn't announce it. I could totally see the planning thing to also have a dopamine releasing effect and it's in line with me basically enjoying the _thought _of composing more than actually doing it. But what's the solution to that? Only doing random unplanned things? How did we ever get hard things done in the past?



Yeah! We're rewarded for the searching.

But this statement: "it's in line with me basically enjoying the _thought _of composing more than actually doing it.", suggests that your issue isn't really with the so-called paradox of choice. If doing something is not providing you with any real enjoyment, then maybe it's time to let it go. I'm not suggesting that you stop forever. But maybe you 'd be better off waiting until the thought of _not_ making music is unbearable.

*"How did we ever get hard things done in the past?"*

>> How does one eat an elephant?

>> One bite at a time 

Depends what you mean by "the past", and to whom you are referring. In terms of composing, i think there are very few of us people, relatively-speaking, that are just composers. These days, one needs to be the person who buys the gear, does the composing, performs the parts, engineers the session, mixes and masters the session, does the sales promotion and even sets up the virtual shop. Unless one is making a living from doing so, or has a huge following who get so much joy from the results, then it's easy to question whether any of it is worthwhile.

I have found for myself that I don't enjoy the whole process. Like you, I enjoy the thought of it more than the 'it' of it. I've not completed a piece of music in years, despite having written and played a lot (Just tinkering i.e not performing). As soon as it's time to hit the 'Record' button all feelings of joy just vanish. Part of that, for me, is due to depression and a slice of self-diagnosed anhedonia, such that things seem less enjoyable, in general. However, another more concrete/real part of it is the overwhelming-ness of the whole process, taking an idea from first bars to SoundCloud page.

How to get the hard things done very much depends on the kind of person you are; Whether you aspire to be able to chew-up goals like David Goggins (He's a beast. Well worth listening to his audiobook - 'You Can't Hurt Me' or the very amusing Jesse Itzler book 'Living With A Seal), but in reality maybe you're more of a baby-steps kinda guy. Certainly, it seems that most of what is considered good practice for habit-forming, these days, is the baby-steps/Micro-goals approach.

I think the truth might lie somewhere between the two:








MartinH. said:


> All these things are basically what I switched to, because "composing is too hard". I have like a hundred different guitar ampsim setups by now, dozens of synth patches and fx chains, even started making my own Kontakt patches with samples that I recorded myself. All cool, all fun, all usefull in some roundabout way and good opportunities to learn, but also hugely distracting and much easier than composing. I came to the conclusion that this stuff - while allowing me to actively "engage" with music at all when I'm not up to the challenge of "composing" something new - it doesn't solve my problem at all.




Sounds like it was not the right solution for you. If anything it might've created more obstacles to the main event


----------



## MartinH. (Oct 15, 2020)

Thank you for your thoughtful responses! 



jcrosby said:


> Bottom line - don't get swept up in the FOMO phenomenon. The only thing you're missing out on is satisfying your creative impulse.



Well said! I think I've gotten a lot better at resisting sample FOMO. My SSD is full anyway :D. But I think I've blocked my creative impulses in a more self-sabotaging mental way. 




el-bo said:


> I think the truth might lie somewhere between the two:



I've listened to both videos, and I think there's some truth in both of them, but in general "sports bros" are hard to relate to for me. These last few days I've been listening to a lot of videos by HealthyGamerGG / Dr. Kanojia. For me they are a treasure trove of useful information for understanding myself better. He's a Harvard trained psychiatrist who draws a lot on his knowledge of eastern Ayurvedic mental health. I didn't expect to find very much relatable things in the eastern approach, but a lot actually sounds very plausible and applicable. The things that Goggins says and did can be explained with what Dr. K teaches too. Goggins found his "Dharma" and he has a good attitude of not getting too attached to outcomes. The way he describes these crazy long races as "workouts", where other people see them as huge goals and get very invested in winning or losing is a much healthier way to see things.

I can't find it right now, but Dr. K had a very good video about how most creatives have these two aspects in them, one that freely creates, and one "editor" that uses logic and experience to reign in the "uncontrolled" creativity. And in some people, and especially gamers, the logical side apparently can get too strong and turn into a detrimantal force in the creative process. There needs to be a balance. And since I've always been pretty hardcore analytical with the creative things that I do, that seemed like a really good explanation for how I lost touch with my own creative impulses and started hindering myself with overanalyzing, instead of "just doing it". I need to somehow find a way to "detach from outcomes" and enjoy the process more.

If you're curious to check him out, Dr. K released a mental health webinar series during covid lockdown, here is a link to the youtube playlist: 



(I usually skip past the yoga/mediation parts and I'd recommend having something physical to do while listening, like working out or playing a game that isn't too distracting.)

In that video he describes why it's so important to not be attached to outcomes when you have goals. If you repeatedly have a goal, do something to progess, and don't reach your goal, it can turn into a feedback loop of negative reinforcement that teaches you that action only leads to disappointment and failure. And I think I've stepped into that trap a lot, since I went into a lot of creative challenges with the wrong mindset and too high expectations.




I've changed a bit about my recording hotkeys for Reaper and found a way to remove some of the button pressing friction that I found annoying about recording riffs while jamming on the guitar. I hope that's a first step for getting back to making more music...


----------



## Romy Schmidt (Oct 16, 2020)

You talk about stuff, about gear and midi. As far I know you write music with pen and paper. I just sit down at my piano and start writing. There's never any kind of friction.

When the composition is finished, I type it in, in Finale. If I need to make a mock-up, I export the midi and start editing it in my DAW. I avoid using gear as much as possible.

Composing with midi sounds?! That must be terrible.


----------



## MartinH. (Oct 16, 2020)

Found the video I was looking for:


----------



## el-bo (Oct 16, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> I've listened to both videos, and I think there's some truth in both of them, but in general "sports bros" are hard to relate to for me. These last few days I've been listening to a lot of videos by HealthyGamerGG / Dr. Kanojia. For me they are a treasure trove of useful information for understanding myself better. He's a Harvard trained psychiatrist who draws a lot on his knowledge of eastern Ayurvedic mental health. I didn't expect to find very much relatable things in the eastern approach, but a lot actually sounds very plausible and applicable. The things that Goggins says and did can be explained with what Dr. K teaches too. Goggins found his "Dharma" and he has a good attitude of not getting too attached to outcomes. The way he describes these crazy long races as "workouts", where other people see them as huge goals and get very invested in winning or losing is a much healthier way to see things.



Haha! I know you put it in inverted commas, but labelling Goggins or Tim Van Orden as "Sporty Bros" is somewhat of a mischaracterisation 

Tim's work is framed by his physical endeavours. However, to my mind he has some of the best content regarding mini-goals, as he is somebody who often faces the kind of depression that would likely have him bed-ridden for weeks, on end. He essentially teaches the stuff, not from a guru point-of-view, but from someone who is still right in the thick of it. And Goggins? I'd still recommend checking out his audiobook (The audiobook has a ton of extra commentary). It's the ultimate hard-knocks, zero-to-hero tale. I took it as my free trial with 'Audible'.

But if you still think it's not for you, it's all good. Everybody will gravitate and learn from different teachers.




MartinH. said:


> If you're curious to check him out, Dr. K released a mental health webinar series during covid lockdown, here is a link to the youtube playlist:




Dr. K seems prone to be a little too 'shouty' for my taste (Will see how long I last with his talks), but I will give him more of a chance, to see what I can gleen.



MartinH. said:


> (I usually skip past the yoga/mediation parts and I'd recommend having something physical to do while listening, like working out or playing a game that isn't too distracting.)



Actually, I'm into the yoga & meditation side of things. Interested to see his 'take'.




MartinH. said:


> I've changed a bit about my recording hotkeys for Reaper and found a way to remove some of the button pressing friction that I found annoying about recording riffs while jamming on the guitar. I hope that's a first step for getting back to making more music...



Nice!!


----------



## jsg (Oct 16, 2020)

MartinH. said:


> Have you ever thought "If only I _____, I could finally compose with much less friction"? I have a hunch quite a few people around here know the feeling.
> 
> A while ago I wondered how it can be that the more sample libraries I bought, the less music I composed, and how some people manage to just give zero fucks about gear and just create things with what they have. Recently I was proper baffled seeing an indie gamedev still use Goldwave...
> 
> ...



If you have sufficient interest, read _Art & Fear_ by David Bayles and Ted Orland. Another book on the subject is _The War of Art _by Steven Pressfield. Both are excellent books on the challenges of making any kind of artistic work.

The arts are difficult. Not as a hobby, not as somebody who "tinkers around", not for those mesmerized by technology, but I'm talking about real artists--people who devote their working adult life and career to making art and making personal sacrifices in order to do so. If it were easy, everyone would be good at it. And clearly, not everyone is good at it. The other thing about the arts, is that it's probably the most highly individualistic endeavor that humans are involved in. By this I don't mean that there isn't collaboration and cooperation, but rather that each artist's career is unique and what works for one person may not work for another. After all, artistic expression is about the subjective experience of being human, it's not about trying to objectively study nature (science) or objectively understand the human body (medicine) or how to govern ourselves (law and politics). 

We're born with talent, or not; knowledge and skills are acquired through effort, study, practice, perseverance and persistence. the more innate talent, the better use we make of the skills and knowledge gained through intelligent effort. The composer Bela Bartok believed that composition cannot be taught. My own experience is that composition cannot be taught directly because it's about talent, motivation and imagination--these things are gifts and not distributed evenly throughout the population. What can be taught however is technique, theory, analysis and we can share aspects of our experience with others so that they might benefit.

I occasionally wonder how many people would be "into music" if computer technology didn't exist. The real musicians would, no doubt. Those people would be writing, singing, playing and conducting if we didn't have computers, sample libraries, synthesizers, etc. because that's what they do. It's in their blood. I can't answer this question for anyone else, but if you want to write music badly enough, you will. You will confront the obstacles, failures, frustrations and difficulties that every artist confronts and you will see them as challenges to evoke the best within yourself. If not, you'll quit and eventually sell all those sample libraries and move on to some other hobby.


----------



## el-bo (Oct 17, 2020)

Never mind!


----------



## MartinH. (Oct 19, 2020)

el-bo said:


> Haha! I know you put it in inverted commas, but labelling Goggins or Tim Van Orden as "Sporty Bros" is somewhat of a mischaracterisation


Fair enough! His channel name "running raw" mislead me, and I didn't look at his other videos. Checking out the titles of those I totally see what you mean.




el-bo said:


> But if you still think it's not for you, it's all good. Everybody will gravitate and learn from different teachers.


Definitely! I find the geeks and artists types resonate more with me. Speaking of "resonance", this guy brought that up in an interesting context:



I can totally see how for someone "Spartan Warrior Mentality" resonates better than something less manly, but it's not what resonates with me.



el-bo said:


> Dr. K seems prone to be a little too 'shouty' for my taste (Will see how long I last with his talks), but I will give him more of a chance, to see what I can gleen.


How did it go? I had trouble warming up to his style at first too, but I'm really glad I was able to move past that and I quite enjoy his passion for his work now.



el-bo said:


> Actually, I'm into the yoga & meditation side of things. Interested to see his 'take'.


It's something that I feel like I absolutely should implement into my life, but so far I haven't managed to stick with anything. I find it extremely hard to try and meditate.




jsg said:


> If you have sufficient interest, read _Art & Fear_ by David Bayles and Ted Orland. Another book on the subject is _The War of Art _by Steven Pressfield. Both are excellent books on the challenges of making any kind of artistic work.
> 
> [...]


Thank you for your thoughts recommendations! I've read the War of Art a couple years ago. At the time I was very impressed by it and felt a very short burst of motiavtion from it, but ultimately and with hindsight, I don't think it changed anything for me. I haven't read the other one, but I was curious and I've watched this podcast episode discussing the book: 



I think that's somewhat closer to what I'm struggling with, a fear of failure. I think I somehow managed to mentally box myself in with unreasonable expectations, a fear of failure and some negative reinforcement through personal projects that failed because they were overambitious to begin with.
I think the next thing that I'll need to try is stopping to try to produce "real things", and go back to "just practicing", thus giving myself permission to fail, and in the end create, explore and learn more. I need to further decouple the judgment from the creation and just record some things and defer the critical analysis to a much later point in time. I hope that eventually I'll be able to come back to that collection of riffs, melodies, and sounddesigns, and find things that I can then develop further and actually turn them into finished pieces. 

Regarding talent and art, I'm not sure I am an artist, or rather I always thought I'm not, but without being 100% certain. I certainly never felt a desire for personally expressing myself through art, unless I've reached extreme levels of anger and frustration. I was mostly driven to creative things by fascination and curiosity. There's certainly an aspect of appeal in the digital workflows, but I think even without computers I'd have gotten into painting and playing guitar. I just never would have had access to all those orchestral and electronic timbres that I very much enjoy. So I don't think I've _just _stepped into some kind of GAS trap that is fueled by technology. I think my sample purchases or lack thereof reflects that I don't want to "just collect" them.


----------

