# Music humor. Memes or jokes wanted. GOOD ONES!



## Thundercat (Dec 23, 2022)

Post em if you got em.


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## Polkasound (Dec 23, 2022)




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## Robo Rivard (Dec 23, 2022)

Memes of mimes.


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## Gerbil (Dec 23, 2022)




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## 3DC (Dec 23, 2022)

80's Classic


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## Hywel (Dec 24, 2022)

Q - What's the definition of Perfect Pitch?

A - Throwing a viola into a skip (or dumpster if you're North American)...


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## Crowe (Dec 24, 2022)

I hate it when my bandmembers tell me to play more softly.

I play drums, not piano.

EDIT: Oh, sorry. You wanted good jokes.


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## Great Zed (Dec 24, 2022)

True...


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## The Retroblueman (Dec 24, 2022)

Some (very) old Q&A type ones:

Q. _How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?_

A. Shoot One.


_Q. What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?_

A. You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.


_Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?_

A. Someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.



And a story:

A double bass player called Jim passes away and his wife Alice phones up the paper to post an announcement. She's a lady of few words, and so asks if the notice can just read "Jim's dead". The person at the newspaper points out that there's a minimum of six words so she may as well use them up. Alice thinks for a minute and goes for:
_
"Jim's dead, Volvo estate for sale"_


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## Polkasound (Dec 24, 2022)

A cop was traveling down the highway when he noticed a disabled vehicle and stopped to help.

"I must have hit a patch of nails in the road!", exclaimed the distraught driver. "They punctured all of my tires! I don't know what to do! Can you help me, officer? Please... help me!!!"

The cop asked, "So, what polka band do you play in?"

With a look of disbelief on his face, the astonished driver replied, "How on earth did you know I play in a polka band?"

"It's pretty obvious, "said the cop, "by the way you're panicking over four flats."


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## Robo Rivard (Dec 25, 2022)

I forgot I made my own jokes. But they are all in french.


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## Thundercat (Dec 25, 2022)

Robo Rivard said:


> I forgot I made my own jokes. But they are all in french.


OT but you are VERY talented!!!


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## timprebble (Dec 25, 2022)

All music is ambient if you are far enough away from it!


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## Zedcars (Dec 26, 2022)

The Retroblueman said:


> Q. _How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?_
> 
> A. Shoot One.


I don’t get it. If one’s dead then how does that help them play in tune? One won’t be doing a whole lot of anything and the other will be so terrified they’ll likely be hiding under the mixing desk hugging their knees. Plus you’ll have bigger problems than poor intonation — you’ll either get life in prison or you’ll be on the run for the rest of your days. Maybe it’d be better to just hire better players?


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## The Retroblueman (Dec 26, 2022)

Zedcars said:


> I don’t get it. If one’s dead then how does that help them play in tune? One won’t be doing a whole lot of anything and the other will be so terrified they’ll likely be hiding under the mixing desk hugging their knees. Plus you’ll have bigger problems than poor intonation — you’ll either get life in prison or you’ll be on the run for the rest of your days. Maybe it’d be better to just hire better players?


Well, yes, but there's be one less piccolo player in the world, so not a total downer.😁 (I am a piccolo player before you get cross!). Actually I think the serious point there is that it's very hard for even one piccolo player to play in tune with a band - and *impossible *to get them in tune with each other (certainly not in unison) and, in any event, as a matter of orchestration, a piccolo playing at the top octave of its range is one of the loudest sounds known to man and there is absolutely no reason to double the part. 

I used to wonder if the tuning thing has anything to do with the fact that at that range there are potentially 100's of Hz difference between even semitones.


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## PaulieDC (Dec 26, 2022)

How to get a guitar player to turn down the volume?


Put a chart in front of him.


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## PaulieDC (Dec 26, 2022)

Definition of a minor second:

Two student violinists playing in unison.


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## timprebble (Dec 26, 2022)

raiding my blog for memes....


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## timprebble (Dec 26, 2022)




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## timprebble (Dec 26, 2022)




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## timprebble (Dec 26, 2022)




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## timprebble (Dec 26, 2022)

Some seasonal memes...















Happy holidaze!


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## The Retroblueman (Dec 26, 2022)

May all blessings be upon you @timprebble 😁


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## Cepheus (Dec 26, 2022)




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## zwhita (Dec 26, 2022)




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## cuttime (Dec 26, 2022)




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## cuttime (Dec 26, 2022)




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## cuttime (Dec 26, 2022)




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## psy dive (Dec 26, 2022)

A blind and a deaf musician are playing a concert.

Deaf guy: "Have we already started?"

Blind guy: "Why, are they already dancing?"


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## dbudimir (Dec 26, 2022)

What do you call a trombone player without a boyfriend/girlfriend? 


Homeless! 😂😂


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## psy dive (Dec 26, 2022)




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## Markastellor (Dec 26, 2022)

Don't get me started... I had to restrain myself from posting more.


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## AceAudioHQ (Dec 26, 2022)




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## psy dive (Dec 26, 2022)




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## jiten (Dec 26, 2022)




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## Quasar (Dec 26, 2022)




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## PeterN (Dec 27, 2022)




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## nordicguy (Dec 27, 2022)




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## woodslanding (Dec 27, 2022)

My favorites are the ones where you can't just substitute another [despised] instrument and have the joke work. Like this one.

Girl1: I've been dating a french horn player.
Girl2: Wow, how has it been going?
Girl1: He's a good kisser, but I especially like the way he holds me!


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## Robo Rivard (Dec 27, 2022)

Another music joke in french I did myself. It's when Jesus says: "This is my body given to you"... "Body" in french is "corps", which sounds like "cor" (french horn). So it would read like: "This is my french horn given to you".


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## Robo Rivard (Dec 27, 2022)

Another one of my drawings. "Sleeping Beauty" in french reads "La Belle au Bois Dormant"... "Au Bois" sounds like hautbois (oboe). It would read: "Sleeping Oboe".


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## Obi-Wan Spaghetti (Dec 27, 2022)

Robo Rivard said:


> Another one of my drawings. "Sleeping Beauty" in french reads "La Belle au Bois Dormant"... "Au Bois" sounds like hautbois (oboe). It would read: "Sleeping Oboe".


Yea you really have to speak french to get those.


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## Sombreuil (Dec 28, 2022)




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## doctoremmet (Dec 28, 2022)

Sombreuil said:


>


Brilliant. Funny! And true.


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## AceAudioHQ (Dec 28, 2022)

Obi-Wan Spaghetti said:


> Yea you really have to speak french to get those


I think you only need to be able to read it


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## Roger Newton (Dec 28, 2022)

Stick a Viola on the dashboard of your car and you can park anywhere in the world for free.


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## Roger Newton (Dec 28, 2022)

Drummers enjoy hanging out with musicians.


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## Virtuoso (Dec 28, 2022)

First DJ: Hey, do you want to go see a movie?
Second DJ: Dunno. Who’s the projectionist?


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## stixman (Dec 28, 2022)

What do you call someone who likes to hang out with musicians….a Drummer


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## Markastellor (Dec 28, 2022)

Can't help myself...a few more


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## timprebble (Dec 29, 2022)

Sombreuil said:


>



I updated it for you...


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## Denkii (Dec 29, 2022)

What do you call it when a married viola player couple gets a divorce?

Waste separation


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## timprebble (Dec 30, 2022)




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## EanS (Dec 30, 2022)




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## EanS (Dec 30, 2022)

Have you met Limon? He plays a love song on piano. 



But here it's orchestrated


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## DJiLAND (Dec 30, 2022)

Always..


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## HCMarkus (Jan 4, 2023)

I lol'd many times while reviewing this thread. Thanks all!


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## EanS (Jan 4, 2023)




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## Rowy van Hest (Jan 5, 2023)

3DC said:


> 80's Classic



Yeah, that was great. A Dutch commercial. From the eighties you say? How times fly.


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## RogiervG (Jan 5, 2023)

Rowy van Hest said:


> Yeah, that was great. A Dutch commercial. From the eighties you say? How times fly.


no, it's from 2003 ("booming car" made by TBWAN/Neboko Amsterdam advertising agency for Delta Lloyd Insurance (subbrand of Delta Lloyd)).
But the music ("You can win if you want" by Modern Talking, 1984)) and the car are 80's styled.


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## Rowy van Hest (Jan 5, 2023)

RogiervG said:


> no, it's from 2003. But the music and the car are 80's styled.


Thank God for that. You had me worried there.


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## LudovicVDP (Jan 5, 2023)

DJiLAND said:


>


Aoutch... That one hurt as much as it made me laugh... 
🫣


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