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Working on a song - looking for opinions.

Hey. I'm working on a song. Last night I added some lead guitar to the second half of the song.
I was wondering if you guys think there's too much repetition? Also, if you wish to comment on
other things concerning the song, please do. Have a great weekend!


Very nice. Has a Damien Rice vibe. I do think it’s screaming for a bridge to add some tension and then resolve back into your chorus.
 
Very nice. Has a Damien Rice vibe. I do think it’s screaming for a bridge to add some tension and then resolve back into your chorus.
Thanks :) The song is already a bit long, I think. But I can play around with it, and see what
I can come up with.
 
Thanks :) The song is already a bit long, I think. But I can play around with it, and see what
I can come up with.
I have it in my head but I’m out of the house right now. Editing is the hardest part of my songwriting. I can get very attached to my arrangements.
 
Amen
I like it :) As suggested, I wouldn't mind a bridge as well.
Only nitpick is maybe the rhytm guitar is a bit off rhytm sometimes, but not really a big deal
 
Amen
I like it :) As suggested, I wouldn't mind a bridge as well.
Only nitpick is maybe the rhytm guitar is a bit off rhytm sometimes, but not really a big deal
Thanks. Maybe if I work with a drummer someday, or learn to program drum tracks
that are somewhat interesting, then my rhythm will probably be better.
For some reason I'm not too good at playing after a click only, with certain songs.
Have a nice day!
 
An old songwriting teacher of mine said something to the effect of "if you split a single thought over 2 sentences, it confuses the listener". That's how I feel about the "I know you are a great"..."and merciful god". The gap makes it feel like 2 disconnected thoughts. Also, your guitar licks are stomping on the lyrics. Try offsetting their emphasis.
 
An old songwriting teacher of mine said something to the effect of "if you split a single thought over 2 sentences, it confuses the listener". That's how I feel about the "I know you are a great"..."and merciful god". The gap makes it feel like 2 disconnected thoughts. Also, your guitar licks are stomping on the lyrics. Try offsetting their emphasis.
Thanks for the input. I can't really say that I feel the gap is a problem in this particular song.
When it comes to the lead guitar part, I think it might disturb the vocals somewhat. That's
part of the reason why I asked for opinions on the song. Have a great evening.
 
My very first impression within the first few seconds was that I liked the sparse, dry, lone guitar. It provided a beautiful starting foundation onto which to build the instrumentation, and I was preparing my ears for that. But when the double-tracked, hard-panned, room-reverberated vocals came in, and the instrumentation didn't change, my ears fatigued very quickly.

If I were producing this song, I would make several suggestions, but they are solely based on my personal preferences and may not be in line with the sound you are going for:

If you start with a single mono guitar, then keep the intimacy congruent by starting with a single mono vocal. Start embellishing and widening the instrumentation earlier in the song (the Rhodes and guitar sound great) and follow suit with the vocals in a way that isn't too juxtaposed.

Regarding the vocals and lyrics, I'm all about intelligibility. If I can't hear and understand every word, I'm not happy. "Oh the sunset's free now, he is free n'day," ???

"I know You are a great and merciful God," is far too hackneyed of a line to garner such repetition. It's what I call a generic, filler lyric. Can you change that line to make it more personally relevant? For example, "In the hour of temptation I have let You down; now I call on You to help me turn around" is an excellent line. Can you build on that?

So my critical opinion is this: If I were producing this song, I'll have to admit I would salvage that one line I like and write all new lyrics, write a bridge, and my approach to the engineering and mixing would be quite different, but the structure of the song would remain close to your vision.

My positive opinion is this: Overall, I like the arrangement. I hear a lot of potential in it. The melody is fantastic and the chord progressions work beautifully. I took a gander at your SoundCloud page. You've got some musical arranging chops. You would be a valuable asset to any songwriting collaboration team.
 
My very first impression within the first few seconds was that I liked the sparse, dry, lone guitar. It provided a beautiful starting foundation onto which to build the instrumentation, and I was preparing my ears for that. But when the double-tracked, hard-panned, room-reverberated vocals came in, and the instrumentation didn't change, my ears fatigued very quickly.

If I were producing this song, I would make several suggestions, but they are solely based on my personal preferences and may not be in line with the sound you are going for:

If you start with a single mono guitar, then keep the intimacy congruent by starting with a single mono vocal. Start embellishing and widening the instrumentation earlier in the song (the Rhodes and guitar sound great) and follow suit with the vocals in a way that isn't too juxtaposed.

Regarding the vocals and lyrics, I'm all about intelligibility. If I can't hear and understand every word, I'm not happy. "Oh the sunset's free now, he is free n'day," ???

"I know You are a great and merciful God," is far too hackneyed of a line to garner such repetition. It's what I call a generic, filler lyric. Can you change that line to make it more personally relevant? For example, "In the hour of temptation I have let You down; now I call on You to help me turn around" is an excellent line. Can you build on that?

So my critical opinion is this: If I were producing this song, I'll have to admit I would salvage that one line I like and write all new lyrics, write a bridge, and my approach to the engineering and mixing would be quite different, but the structure of the song would remain close to your vision.

My positive opinion is this: Overall, I like the arrangement. I hear a lot of potential in it. The melody is fantastic and the chord progressions work beautifully. I took a gander at your SoundCloud page. You've got some musical arranging chops. You would be a valuable asset to any songwriting collaboration team.
Hey. Thanks for the in-depth response. I was planning to record new vocals for the song,
like you suggested - using only one track. The lyrics that were too unclear to you:
"whom the Son sets free, he is free indeed".

I agree that the arrangement should be developed (expanded) earlier in the song.
I will keep working on the song. Have a great evening.
 
Yea, it has a potential. You need to fix the vocals first. Low cut them too and not so wide. Maybe experiment with strings. Theres people on web helping with mixing and arranging for 50 EUR, I think you could invest in two different people and get perspective, and build on that. When you are 1 person its very difficult to get objectivity, even if you a genius. In other words, invest in it, it has crossed a basic line where investing is, sort of, worth.
 
oh, and btw, you maybe could experiment with some sus chords on the guitar. great to hear vocals here. very nice song. fix it to its full potential. it deserves a vid too, start saving :)
 
oh, and btw, you maybe could experiment with some sus chords on the guitar. great to hear vocals here. very nice song. fix it to its full potential. it deserves a vid too, start saving :)
Hey. Thanks for the input and kind words. If I manage to arrange the song properly,
I will have it mixed and mastered by a guy whom I've hired before. Have a great weekend!
 
I misread your first post. If I don't manage to arrange the song properly,
then I could consider finding someone to arrange it for me. I've been thinking
a little of trying to find someone to collaborate with on this forum.
 
I misread your first post. If I don't manage to arrange the song properly,
then I could consider finding someone to arrange it for me. I've been thinking
a little of trying to find someone to collaborate with on this forum.

I think you should consider it even if you think you arranged it properly. Get 2 professional peoples feedback - pay for it. You get a fairly pro feedback for as low as 50 EUR. Look around the web, its has Grammy winning people selling their services on this. Not too expensive.

If you get it well arranged and mixed, its a great track - it really is. Would like to suggest you to make it less obvious Christian too, because it can reach a wider audience that way, but the choice is yours, of course.

Anyway, this was all meant as encouragement, if this is the average stuff you make, you probably want to copyright it too, before throwing it out.

Ooops....not so cheap hobby after all..…
 
I think you should consider it even if you think you arranged it properly. Get 2 professional peoples feedback - pay for it. You get a fairly pro feedback for as low as 50 EUR. Look around the web, its has Grammy winning people selling their services on this. Not too expensive.

If you get it well arranged and mixed, its a great track - it really is. Would like to suggest you to make it less obvious Christian too, because it can reach a wider audience that way, but the choice is yours, of course.

Anyway, this was all meant as encouragement, if this is the average stuff you make, you probably want to copyright it too, before throwing it out.

Ooops....not so cheap hobby after all..…
Thanks again for your encouragement and compliments. I understand your point about making things
less obvious Christian. But Jesus matters more to me than getting an audience. Also, I find stronger inspiration writing Christian songs than other songs. For now, I think I should try to make good sounding demos of songs, in order to find people to collaborate with - or people to hire, if I don't find collaborators.
 
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