This is very much warts n' all:
Very true and important stuff to be reminded of; and very relatable. Thanks for re-iterating it a few times. I've been trying to force myself to go out a bit more and do some light work-out at least for a few mins a day (+ staying better hydrated and avoiding just flat-out ignoring bodily things) and actually doing stuff that leads to something instead of just wasting time. Not just relating to music per se, but spending a lot of time in front of the screen overall (and burning my ears on top). Trying to keep at it (not always successful
).
I feel I'm more productive during the period of 3/4-7 am but it's really not a good time... It probably has to do with it being a "dead" period, so it's just you and your mind so you can focus better, but then again it feels very unhealthy (it being a dead time also means there's nothing really keeping you in check or you're avoiding it). I tend to go in cycles but morning just feels right. Or better for maintaining a routine at least. I recently heard somewhere that one of the first things psychiatrists check is your sleeping schedule (don't quote me on that, I don't remember where, lol). Don't know if it's true or not but it seems logical. I guess it has to do with how "normal" and orderly your life is.
That thing you say about feeling like a failure is probably not a subconscious sign that you're doing what you're doing [very] wrong but that you aren't doing what you should be doing (doing something else entirely). And again that's not really entirely related to music but managing your life and your time. And where you give your attention and balancing/figuring out things, and then doing them properly or optimising the workflow or what have you.
And yes, social media may be important these days (I occasionally go on YouTube binges; big distraction though not entirely pointless) but the way I try to think about it is you need to do stuff to have stuff to show and share.
Btw, I edited out my own version of the video (audio), as some parts were a bit difficult to listen to and focus on:
https://mega.nz/#!wY5mgKpB!HSf_6Ny5MwjtRdpaLwtjUIMWIKPQvwjrD9PWvzwW2kI
It's hopefully easier for someone else too and helpful. Hope you don't mind.
On another note, I use saturation like there's no tomorrow.
A lot of stuff still seems very elusive to me but I keep trying... That's life, I guess.