The mix quality isn't bad. The main thing that doesn't quite make this a trailer track is the structure and some edits that ultimately serve to create tension and a sense of building intensity. Your track also lacks a 'signature', (more about signatures below...) But this is the kind of track that may not need one necessarily... that said it's an important concept to understand if you're thinking of reaching out to trailer libraries at some point...
Structure: Trailer tracks tend to have a rigid structure which often to conform to blocks of time... Things generally happen in 'acts' and new acts tend to fall on 30 to 60 second intervals... (Roughly..) A classic trailer track has either 3 or 4 acts. (Intro, build, backend; or Intro, build, mid-section, backend). In both cases it's common for something from the intro or a signature to be teased at the end to create a sense of identity and closure. But that can vary depending on the album or library.
Ultimately a trailer track serves the editor/trailer house... If you watch a lot of trailers you'll notice full trailers are typically between 2:00 and 2:30, and musical changes (somewhat) often fall near 30-60 second intervals...
- 30 seconds of dialogue to set up the story = 30-40 seconds of intro...
- 30-45 seconds of building action = 30-60 seconds of building musical tension...
- 30-60 seconds of peak action = 45-60 seconds of backend...
- Possibly a small dialogue resolution at the end of the trailer = a short edit of the intro being teased again...
This makes both the trailer and your piece of music easier to cut down to 30 and 60 second versions... In terms of an actual trailer often there's bumper at the end of the trailer where the logo of the film is paired with one of the signatures from a piece of music.
Signatures: These are the ear candy specifically added to grab the interest of an editor or campaign. Great trailer labels are constantly looking to reinvent new signatures. Old ones do stick around and get rinsed to death, but ultimately there's an ever evolving hunt for new unique sounds that stand out.
Ultimately a signature is used like a musical motif. It comes in at a couple key moments and has a repetitive nature to it. It could be anything from unique synth sounds or persistent motifs, to organic unexpected processed sounds of all kinds... (Really... Everything from breaths to screams to foley used as percussion...) The main point is that even if they don't use it in the backend of the actual trailer they'll almost certainly use it somewhere during the trailer, or at the end when they show the logo of the film. (This is branding 101... The goal is to get you to associate the film with a sound that grabs your attention...)
A good trailer composer knows this and will try to find something distinct they can use as a musical motif, even if unconventional... (These are usually defined by the brief that library sends out... Typically the library's keen on new trends and will guide the composer in terms of what's appropriate). If a track doesn't have a strong signature then it almost certainly has a simple but very strong musical motif. (Example below)
Basically there's trailer influenced music (which this is - And I don't mean that in a bad way at all... It's a tricky genre with lots of nuances....) Proper trailer tracks conform to a pretty predictable structure and more often than not have one or several distinct sonic fingerprints that give it its identity... If the piece doesn't use an unconventional musical device as a signature then the theme is going to be simple and yet kind of brilliant in just how effective it is at using just a few repetitive notes that persist through the backend.
This album will give you a good feel for the pacing of a typical trailer track. (The vibe's totally different from what you have FYI!) You'll notice things really do happen in chunks of roughly 30 seconds, (or multiples... 15, 45, 60, etc) And if not familiar with Audiomachine look them up... These guys have been the current undisputed kings of the trailer industry for close to a decade now. They land most of the major film campaigns and have been setting all kinds of signature trends over the past 5-7 years. While these examples are heavily synthetic they have an absolutely incredible range of music with some really beautiful stuff as well... (See below).
Some signature examples:
At 1:24 The distorted scream that comes in is used as a sonic motif every 2 bars during the build. And, at 2:14 it comes back in higher in pitch. (Also notice that it's almost a minute later from when the 1st version came in...) :
The bends that start at :27 function as a signature here. (30 second mark)... They also get repeated across different instruments, the last of which is low brass doing a response... The bends come back in at 2:07 (Again notice it's almost 1:30 from the 1st time it's introduced...)
This track doesn't have a distinct signature per se but the brass motif that comes in at 2:30 persists through the entire backend... Three notes only, tonic to min 3rd to maj 7th to, repeated over the harmonic progression underneath. It's persistent the way an ostinato is, and it's incredibly simple and incredibly effective... (This track's from the
Venom trailer FYI.)
The examples above are pretty generic types of signatures. These are things you hear about as regularly as braams, but it should still get the point across...
For an absolutely killer and current example of signatures the Raised by Wolves trailer from last year is incredible. There are all kinds of voice and breath sounds used as musical motifs and are a solid example of what's currently trending... Right near the 30 second mark there's little splashes of voice based percussion that accompanies the string hits. And at the end there's a bumper where some of the intro synths come back, and the breath percussion is re-used there again as the 'branding' device...
Also... Here's an Audiomachine album that's absolutely beautiful. Totally different from the examples above and probably more relevant to your track and the style you're going after in the track above...
Sorry for the epic post
Hopefully some useful info in there for you....
EDIT: This is a great track btw. Really nice harmony that's simple and yet emotional... Hope it doesn't seem like I'm picking it apart, just giving you the same kind of honest feedback I've received from libraries in the past...