NYC Composer
Senior Member
I lost my wife in December. That’s always a strange thing to read back:”lost my wife.” Damnit, I’m always leaving things about-keys, wallet, phone....wife.
I’ve started collating my thoughts about the losses I’ve experienced in life and the ensuing grief. I’d be pleased to have anyone add their insights to it, agree, disagree, whatever.
Thoughts about Grief and Loss
In periods of grief, we are more tempted than usual to make seemingly karmic connections out of random events.
The wish for a magical do-over lasts a long time during periods of loss, especially regarding death or the firm and final end of a relationship. The illogical thought “when will this be over?” is an example of this aspect of loss.
Grief is a jealous mistress-it does not want to let the grief-stricken go.
Recovery from grief is often a halting process, happening in fits and starts. Recovery is hard to recognize.
The efficacy of comfort giving is much more about the willingness or ability of the recipient to accept comfort than it is about the skill of the comforter. By and large, there’s very little to be said that’s comforting anyway unless the grief stricken person is open to comfort. Religion, therapy and community can be helpful as resources, but again, one has to be open to those things.
Hedonism can be distracting during the middle periods of grief, but not for very long. Drug use can be especially helpful for numbing but is generally debilitating to personal health. It’s a snake eating its tail.
Sleep is a problem after a loss. One has a hard time halting thought about the loss and getting to sleep, while waking means one has to start the whole process again.
After a loss, the desire to make things orderly is sometimes overwhelming. Beds get made, dishes washed. After a while it can often seem pointless to create order when nothing will return to normal regardless of neatness.
After a loss, the need to idealize the missing person is often very strong.
Grief is relational to PTSD in that it can cause anxiety or depression, sometimes both simultaneously.
Loss is a teacher. It reminds one that there’s nothing they have that can’t be taken away.
Grief can rob someone of purpose or direction. It can make them vague at times, hyper-focused at others.
Many people have the wrong idea, or at least one different than mine, about “acceptance” and “being over it.” I know that I will never be “over” it. The trick is to just keep going and allow time to lessen the extremity of the pain....to remember that life is good, precious and to be enjoyed in the ways one can, as one can.
its important to stay in the moment and recognize joy, because as previously stated, there’s nothing in life that can’t be taken away.
I’ve started collating my thoughts about the losses I’ve experienced in life and the ensuing grief. I’d be pleased to have anyone add their insights to it, agree, disagree, whatever.
Thoughts about Grief and Loss
In periods of grief, we are more tempted than usual to make seemingly karmic connections out of random events.
The wish for a magical do-over lasts a long time during periods of loss, especially regarding death or the firm and final end of a relationship. The illogical thought “when will this be over?” is an example of this aspect of loss.
Grief is a jealous mistress-it does not want to let the grief-stricken go.
Recovery from grief is often a halting process, happening in fits and starts. Recovery is hard to recognize.
The efficacy of comfort giving is much more about the willingness or ability of the recipient to accept comfort than it is about the skill of the comforter. By and large, there’s very little to be said that’s comforting anyway unless the grief stricken person is open to comfort. Religion, therapy and community can be helpful as resources, but again, one has to be open to those things.
Hedonism can be distracting during the middle periods of grief, but not for very long. Drug use can be especially helpful for numbing but is generally debilitating to personal health. It’s a snake eating its tail.
Sleep is a problem after a loss. One has a hard time halting thought about the loss and getting to sleep, while waking means one has to start the whole process again.
After a loss, the desire to make things orderly is sometimes overwhelming. Beds get made, dishes washed. After a while it can often seem pointless to create order when nothing will return to normal regardless of neatness.
After a loss, the need to idealize the missing person is often very strong.
Grief is relational to PTSD in that it can cause anxiety or depression, sometimes both simultaneously.
Loss is a teacher. It reminds one that there’s nothing they have that can’t be taken away.
Grief can rob someone of purpose or direction. It can make them vague at times, hyper-focused at others.
Many people have the wrong idea, or at least one different than mine, about “acceptance” and “being over it.” I know that I will never be “over” it. The trick is to just keep going and allow time to lessen the extremity of the pain....to remember that life is good, precious and to be enjoyed in the ways one can, as one can.
its important to stay in the moment and recognize joy, because as previously stated, there’s nothing in life that can’t be taken away.
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