I've had no horse in this race, but watching this all go down from the sidelines makes me sad and uncomfortable all the same.
I've been lucky enough to have experienced the triumphant feeling to have your work stick out for once in a meaningful way a few times. There's little else to compare that feeling to, the afterglow of it propelled me through the middle part of my modest career so far, and I sincerely hope David gets to enjoy every bit of it, and build on it in a lasting way; he seems like a great guy with serious chops and clearly deserves it.
But I've also been around long enough to have experienced every bit and every variety of the paralyzing anxiety, the crippling self-doubt, and the soul-devouring depression it brings to be reminded that you're mostly just a nameless drop in an ocean of relative irrelevance on the other side of things again and again. It takes a toll on your character, and as much as I'd like to play some "I've learned to accept it and use rejection as a growing opportunity" card… it'd be fucking bullshit. Sure, I'd like to think I would never be lashing out in the way some of the more indignant and entitled reactions here and on YouTube have. But if I'm being sincere, I can recognize some part of myself in them. I know the feeling that fuels this kind of frustration and anger. And to be reminded that there's just… so… damn… much of that toxicity going around our industry, maybe inevitably so given how many of us are trying to jam their feet in so few doors (11.000 entries!! WTF?!) – and how it just creates this constant undercurrent of everybody being at each others' throats all the time, and how the media industry has been successfully preying on that, making damn sure it'll never change – brought a feeling of dread that I didn't really expect from what I have every reason to believe was conceived as a fun creative distraction.
Sorry, I guess I'm just in a wistful mood today. I know I should probably end my "hi, I'm an old fart and what used to be fiery passion has settled into resigned acceptance that I'd very much like you to confuse for wisdom" sermon on some attempt at sageness, but for now I'm just bummed out. Maybe next time.
Hi, I am an old fart. But I haven’t lost the passion of writing scores or inventing new sounds and bits of technology for my music. But I so agree with everything I’ve read in your post above. The road of rejection teaches you nothing. It makes you hard and cynical - the antithesis to music. Nor does too much applause. I’ve got my Oscar. It didn’t make me a better composer, or change my career. Just for one night I could be insane and giddy and think it was all relevant. it was fun, but that’s it. ...who can even remember who won for what last year or the year before?
I know everyone involved with the competition - not the composers, but I’m old enough to have worked for J.J.‘s father, and actually done a film with him. And we’re both synth geeks. Ramin really got his start with me, and met the Nolan’s through our working together - which - through his enormous talent - led directly to “Westworld”. The “Spitfire” guys I consider as personal friends and more than once have we helped each other out. ...so, why am I writing this? Just to name -drop? No, actually I secretly stayed away from listening to anything that was being submitted. I thought - once the dust settles, there will be an amazing amount of music and talent that should be recognized and given an opportunity at furthering their careers. I’ve done that a lot. I don’t think that Harry G-H, or John Powell, Lorne Balfe or JunkieXL and Ben Wallfisch - as just a few examples, will think of me holding them back in forging their careers. Our whole ”Blue Planet” and all the other things ‘Bleeding Fingers’ does comes from the idea that there is an unbelievable pool of talent out there that should be given a chance.
But then I started to read the comments and the bitterness and bitchyness in most of the responses to the winner (whom I’ve never met or heard off). And I thought, why even bother with this lot. They’ve already lost. They think music is a business when it’s a passion, they forget that putting hours or days in, is a luxury you’ll never have again when you’re on a deadline on a ‘proper’ job...
but, mostly, it’s the lack of respect for someone’s moment of joy - where they should be celebrated - that got me.
so - carry on with your uninformed small minded criticism. it’s all here now in black and white for ever. The beauty of the internet. And as a reference of how i wouldn’t ever want to work with a single one of you. Nor you with me. Bad fit. It doesn’t even ever matter how good your music is or how smart you are... And since music and film-making are inherently collaborative, I can’t really see how any director will want to deal with that amount of entitlement and hubris.
hz
