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My first 'proper' track [updated track]

@ka00 Thank you for your comments! Yes, my playing is little loose at times... I was trying to avoid a too tight feel, but I might make some small manual adjustments. :)

Thank you too for the suggestion about 1:22. I am trying various small changes as well as repeating the theme, but I am not getting good results yet!!! :grin:
 
rudi said:
@Rowy et al... here is a sketch of the main theme in condensed form - I kept it very simple... it's the first time I am uploading a .png file so I hope it comes through ok!
Click to expand...

Thank you, rudy. Perhaps I may advise you to read about voice leading. That would really improve your work. Strict voice leading might not be such a good idea, but I think you will benefit from a more loose approach. Also, some basic harmony might help. Nothing fancy, just the basics.

If you prefer to write music by ear, you could skip basic harmony and combine chromatism and voice leading. The harmony will get complicated, but you don't need to know all the time what is going on. The result might even be ambiguous tonality, occasionally. Wagner is your friend ;)
 
@Rowy thank you for the suggestions... yes, voice leading is one of my weak points. I've been mostly an instictive player / composer - I need to extend my musical vocabulary.

I've started to look into voice leading, including using chromaticism. It will take some time to become fluent with it and even more time to internalise it. :)

I've also been working in some of the other suggestions about improving my piece. I'll post a revised version soon.

Wagner is a master composer - so much to learn and absorb!
 
@AndreBoulard thank you for your nice comment. Yes, it is a bit simple -- there is so much I need to learn to develop my writing skills and orchestration :)
 
I have revised the original piece and tried to tak onboard all the comments and suggestions with varying degrees of success!





@Rowy
@James H
@Blackster

I tried some voice leading but I ended-up drifting away from the directness of the original due to my lack of skill. For the time being I decided to stick with the simpler cadences until I improve my writing (but I am working on it)!

@jeremiahpena

Thank you once more for the great suggestions... I have repeated the theme both times.
I was a little weary of making the repeat sound too similar at first but I added some subtle changes to the repetitions.

I've also revised the B section (now at 0:52) and used a lower register string theme.

There is now more of a lead into the second instance of the theme at 1:14, although it still sounds weak,

There are some more dynamic sweeps to the strings, but maybe still not enough.
Likewise I've emphasised and in some cases doubled the lower strings.

@ka00 I have revised the pre-ending part with a slight repeat and variation.
 
Thank you @synkrotron, it's really appreciated. :elephant:
I was worried I had overegged the pudding!!!
Now I need to improve my [orchestral roll]... voice leading ;)
 
rudi said:
Now I need to improve my [orchestral roll]... voice leading
Click to expand...

Are you going to develop the current piece or create a new one?

I guess that an update of the old is easier than creating a new one and we can all hear the result of that :)
 
synkrotron said:
Are you going to develop the current piece or create a new one?

I guess that an update of the old is easier than creating a new one and we can all hear the result of that :)
Click to expand...

No, I think I am going to work on a new piece instead. I already have a couple of ideas but I need to let them mature!!! ;)
 
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