scottbuckley
Active Member
Hey guys,
I was trawling through my old forum posts looking for an elusive link to an old file, and came across a post I made back in 2007 (under another user ID!), regarding being in a writing rut and feeling creatively frustrated after recently quitting my day job and writing library music for a living.
https://vi-control.net/community/threads/in-a-rut-help.6190/
I wanted to share it because a) some of you have also expressed your concerns about stifled creativity and writing ruts, and b) it's interesting to reflect my career, and the decisions I've made, which really do converge to this specific post.
This is just my experience, which will be different to most, but I feel it's important to share all aspects of working in this crazy music industry. Feel free to skip down to my point below the lines if you don't care about my entire backstory .
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
At the time of the original post, I was fairly fresh out of a music degree, and was in a music tech sales/training position before I was given the opportunity to write trailer music for a respected LA-based library (I'm omitting the name for a few reasons I won't go into here) around the start of 2006. This was my chance to quit the daily grind, and chase my dreams! However, as I express in my post, I struggled with feelings of apathy, frustration and disappointment with my work - even though I was satisfying my boss and clients.
These feelings continued for the next few years, working in both Australia and in the US, regardless of the success we were achieving, or the great experiences I was having writing for and recording my orchestral works. You have to understand that this was apparently my 'dream job', and it was cushy - a salary and a supportive boss - which is way more than most library composers get these days. We were getting some great placements, and they were getting more and more frequent as time progressed.
But in short, I hated it. I hated the fact that this fun, enjoyable activity turned into a grind. It turned into a 9-5, passionless thing full of stress and anxiety. Music became less about the art, or even the craft, and more about the transaction. As time went on, my feelings started to show and tensions between my boss and I began surfacing.
At my wits end, I left the US in 2008, and for a long time, music writing altogether.
It took a long time to shift my goal posts, to figure out what the hell I was doing. Music was completely wrecked for me, and I felt so naïve, and so very lost. Long story short, I was encouraged by my wife to follow an alternative interest in science all the way through to a PhD in soil/plant science, and I finally feel like I've found the place where I should have been so many years ago.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I guess the point I want to make is - if you are struggling with similar issues, but are firm about the idea of making music your career, your daily job - you have to be aware that your perspective of it may change, and maybe not for the better. The transition from music as a hobby, to music as a full-time job was jarring for me, and came with pressure and complimentary anxieties I wasn't ready for.
In the original post, @midphase spoke about the 'survival of the fittest' aspect, and he's right to a certain extent. I maybe had my own trial-by-fire and failed, but I also don't think that is something to be ashamed of. I'm so pleased that I had this experience, which taught me a lot about myself and my limits, and I'm proud that I made the decision to leave. And after a long break, I'm finally writing again - but this time, for myself. It's the best .
Let's be clear, though - I'm not advocating that if you are feeling this way, you should quit. But, it's up to you to change your situation, to get back in control. It took me many years of 'working through it' to realise that things weren't going to get better for me, but I hope that this isn't the same for the rest of you.
Anyway, enough about me. If anyone needs to chat, feel free to PM me .
-s
I was trawling through my old forum posts looking for an elusive link to an old file, and came across a post I made back in 2007 (under another user ID!), regarding being in a writing rut and feeling creatively frustrated after recently quitting my day job and writing library music for a living.
https://vi-control.net/community/threads/in-a-rut-help.6190/
I wanted to share it because a) some of you have also expressed your concerns about stifled creativity and writing ruts, and b) it's interesting to reflect my career, and the decisions I've made, which really do converge to this specific post.
This is just my experience, which will be different to most, but I feel it's important to share all aspects of working in this crazy music industry. Feel free to skip down to my point below the lines if you don't care about my entire backstory .
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
At the time of the original post, I was fairly fresh out of a music degree, and was in a music tech sales/training position before I was given the opportunity to write trailer music for a respected LA-based library (I'm omitting the name for a few reasons I won't go into here) around the start of 2006. This was my chance to quit the daily grind, and chase my dreams! However, as I express in my post, I struggled with feelings of apathy, frustration and disappointment with my work - even though I was satisfying my boss and clients.
These feelings continued for the next few years, working in both Australia and in the US, regardless of the success we were achieving, or the great experiences I was having writing for and recording my orchestral works. You have to understand that this was apparently my 'dream job', and it was cushy - a salary and a supportive boss - which is way more than most library composers get these days. We were getting some great placements, and they were getting more and more frequent as time progressed.
But in short, I hated it. I hated the fact that this fun, enjoyable activity turned into a grind. It turned into a 9-5, passionless thing full of stress and anxiety. Music became less about the art, or even the craft, and more about the transaction. As time went on, my feelings started to show and tensions between my boss and I began surfacing.
At my wits end, I left the US in 2008, and for a long time, music writing altogether.
It took a long time to shift my goal posts, to figure out what the hell I was doing. Music was completely wrecked for me, and I felt so naïve, and so very lost. Long story short, I was encouraged by my wife to follow an alternative interest in science all the way through to a PhD in soil/plant science, and I finally feel like I've found the place where I should have been so many years ago.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I guess the point I want to make is - if you are struggling with similar issues, but are firm about the idea of making music your career, your daily job - you have to be aware that your perspective of it may change, and maybe not for the better. The transition from music as a hobby, to music as a full-time job was jarring for me, and came with pressure and complimentary anxieties I wasn't ready for.
In the original post, @midphase spoke about the 'survival of the fittest' aspect, and he's right to a certain extent. I maybe had my own trial-by-fire and failed, but I also don't think that is something to be ashamed of. I'm so pleased that I had this experience, which taught me a lot about myself and my limits, and I'm proud that I made the decision to leave. And after a long break, I'm finally writing again - but this time, for myself. It's the best .
Let's be clear, though - I'm not advocating that if you are feeling this way, you should quit. But, it's up to you to change your situation, to get back in control. It took me many years of 'working through it' to realise that things weren't going to get better for me, but I hope that this isn't the same for the rest of you.
Anyway, enough about me. If anyone needs to chat, feel free to PM me .
-s