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Lakeshore Strings - Feedback needed.

Discussion in 'Member's Compositions' started by AdamAlake, Jan 10, 2018.

  1. AdamAlake

    AdamAlake Music Person



    Been working on this minimalistic strings + piano piece, need some feedback to really bring it home.
     
    AlexanderSchiborr likes this.
  2. chrisphan

    chrisphan Senior Member

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    I think there's nothing that you did wrong per say, but the theme doesn't speak to me emotionally. Your intentional mix of soaring lines and playful shorts leave me not sure what to feel. However, I can see this working well with the right kind of visual, which is the case a lot of times in film music. The piano chord at 0:59 seems a little redundant to my ears. The 7th chords you use towards the end seem like they're not coming from the same sound world.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2018
    sekkosiki, AdamAlake and Rudankort like this.
  3. OP
    OP
    AdamAlake

    AdamAlake Music Person

    Good points. I am making the piece for use with visuals, but I would still like it to be able to stand on its own, would you say the problem is with the theme itself, or with the way it is performed by the violin?

    I will remove that one chord, it does indeed serve little purpose.
     
  4. calebfaith

    calebfaith Senior Member

    Nice!

    I thought that the piano sound wasn't quite right with a really strong attack and not much sustain?
     
    AdamAlake likes this.
  5. chrisphan

    chrisphan Senior Member

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    I don't love the theme itself, but it's a matter of taste and I don't think you should be too concerned about that. Your opinion and your client's opinion matter the most ;)
     
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  6. OP
    OP
    AdamAlake

    AdamAlake Music Person

    Good observation, I will sort that out.

    Oh well, it is not for a client, do you think people generally will not like the theme?
     
  7. AlexanderSchiborr

    AlexanderSchiborr Senior Member

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    May 1, 2014
    Hey Mate,
    Just a little suggestion: you can take a bit more time with your intro. Actually you jumped into pretty quick into your theme which is fine. but you can milk the first piano thing a bit more. It is a stylistic thing and not mandatory but I thought so. So for instance you could start with the piano, introduce slowly the next element like the high Vln Harmonics and then after 2 more bars go into the theme with the cello etc.Sometimes I feel the melody is a bit occupied with notes. The first minute can have with such style of music less amount of notes imo. You don´t need so many passing tones. Passing tones are effective when used at the right spot. Sometimes I feel there are too many here. Otherwise it is cool and melodic and carries, but you know what I mean?
    What is that crackling at the end? :D
    Overall a cool short emotional piece, the little resume for me: Take a bit more time (not that I do that always right, you know my stuff :D)
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2018
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  8. sekkosiki

    sekkosiki Senior Member

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    Espoo
    Exactly my thoughts, but I couldn't express myself as well as Alexander did. I like your theme, but it needs time to develop, to hook the listener better. I'm not sure if the dissonances in the chords at the end suit the style, but I haven't seen the visuals either :).
     
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  9. chrisphan

    chrisphan Senior Member

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    That's hard to say. All I can say is it doesn't have a "global hit" type of theme (John Williamsy) that everyone will love.
     
  10. fedacuric

    fedacuric Senior Member

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    Aug 23, 2017
    Given that I have never made any such music myself, I don't feel qualified giving feedback but will try so anyway.
    First off all, I agree with the others in that you can take your time developing the theme. The way it is now works fine after listening to it a few times, as my brain knows what to expect.
    Perhaps you could try not playing the exact same theme on the piano and on the strings? When people do that it reminds me of games like Zelda instead of more "classical" pieces. I'm sure not playing the exact same theme on two instruments has a fancy music-theoretic name, but I feel I hear it all the time in classical pieces and it gives a track a lot of interest. Does this make any sense?
     
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  11. Saxer

    Saxer Senior Member

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    Frankfurt/Germany
    I think the theme itself is ok. Sounds like a melancholic Irish folk think. Associates landscape and the title fits to it. But the piano has an indoor sound like a good middleclass doughter a century ago playing for the guests before dinner. The sounds doesn't really match. They bring out the midi world more than covering it. The themes performance need a bit more musicalitiy (too whashy and not enough emotion for my taste, especially the flute) and the piano maybe another room and more of a comping function.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
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  12. OP
    OP
    AdamAlake

    AdamAlake Music Person

    I would like to take more time, but I need to keep the video under 1:40, so I made the intro that short on purpose. Still, good suggestions, I will probably rework the theme entirely, too many notes as you said. The crackling at the end is because the video ends with video distortion fade out, so I added into the piece too.


    I was intending it to have a chamber performance type of sound, but I likely failed. Good advice.
     
  13. OP
    OP
    AdamAlake

    AdamAlake Music Person

    Well, that sort of thing is accomplished by the very few, but I will still redo the theme entirely to atleast improve it a bit.
     

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