I am going to share way too much, but in all honesty, I feel the need to do so in honor of Bach. I am the youngest of 4 children where I am 6 years younger than my sibling next to me in age, so when my mother passed away of cancer when I was only 10 years-old my siblings where basically almost grown at 16, 18, and 20 leaving me alone in the house when my father remarried when I turned 14. Without going into details although we are great now, my relationship with my stepmother growing up was estrange causing me to be very independent dreaming of the day I left home to major in music at college. My father had to travel for work sometimes weeks at a time, so to calm my mind, my growing internal “Quiet Anger,” and to find hope I would listen to Fredrick Fennel conducting the wind ensemble version of Bach’s “Fantasia in G” every night before resting my head to sleep.
In my senior year “Fantasia in G” just so happen to be among the choices of compositions we could choose for our final conducting exam. As I addressed the ensemble with my personal history of this piece they could tell that I was not even thinking of my final grade, but more focus on giving homage to Bach for giving me light out of the darkness. After class the piccolo player came up to me and said he could tell that I was passionate about this piece in the way that I was conducting, and he said because of that he and the rest of the ensemble felt compelled to play passionately also.
Not only fulfilling dreams while in college I met what I thought was the love of my life, but after 5 years of marriage and 10 years of being together my heart was broken after we devoiced. I’ve never said this before to anyone, but the night she left was the first time I ever thought about taking my own life. I mourned the death of my marriage by lying on the bed in the guest bedroom listening to Leopold Stokowski’s orchestral arrangement of “Chaconne.” Pausing the CD after the piece concluded, I looked up when Bach composed the work discovering it coincided with the death of Bach’s first wife, and I also found out that Bach later married his 2nd wife just under 2 years knowing that life must go on. The CD player just happened to be on shuffle at the time and Bach’s “Aria” or “Air on the G String” beautifully filled the room cleansing my heart of sorrow. Then, I heard a voice in my head saying, “Your wife is dead, move on, you have work to do,” and just under 2 short years later I met my 2nd wife just like Bach. When our daughter was born a few years later Liz asked me what I wanted to name the baby, and I said, “Aria."
Since I was a teenager, Bach and his music have been there for me teaching me composition, technique, pushing me to be a better musician, a better person, giving me hope, and literally saving my life freeing me from despair. I was asked just last week to be a featured guest artist, performing on flugelhorn and possibly cornet, in a series of performances. As the director asked me what I wanted to perform while being accompanied by pipe organ, a smile on my face answered, Bach’s “Fantasia in G.”