A horrible post (sorry)

Discussion in 'OFF-TOPICS - General Musings' started by Studio E, May 5, 2019.

  1. Studio E

    Studio E Eric Watkins

    Please, read at your own risk. I'm just writing this as therapy because honestly, I'm not on social media anymore, where I might have posted this and it's just a little too painful to not get off my chest.

    It's a typical Sunday here for me in the midwest, doing home chores after some morning time in the studio.

    Around noon today (it's 6:30 now), I was getting out the mower, the weed-eater, etc.... cleaning up my yard. I did the front yard, got it looking nice. It's small so it's easy to do and doesn't take but 15 minutes. Then I headed to the back yard. I walked the whole yard methodically first to clean up after my dogs before mowing and that took a while.

    Finally, I start my mower in the back. I'm mowing for just like 4 minutes I'd guess, and nearly my worst nightmare happens, and it all happens so fast. This is your last warning to leave this thread.

    I'm just pushing my push mower and all of a sudden I see something come from under the mower as I'm pushing it forward. It's a baby bunny :( . I instantly stop the mower and then realize it's flip flopping right in front of me with probably 1/3 of it's hide missing as well as a back leg or more. It's just horrific. I love animals more than humans. I save insects by throwing them outside instead of killing them inside my house, and I just basically mutilated this baby bunny. It was probably like 6 or 7 inches long. It's all a blur because it just won't stop flailing. It's obviously a goner but god only knows how long it will suffer like this, so I do the most painful thing that I didn't even know I could ever do, and I ended it's life right then and there with my boot. As I am doing that, three more little bunnies come running out of the nest I had apparently just run over. As far as I know, they were all fine, and they all seemed to just scatter. I didn't keep track because I was totally preoccupied with the horror of this poor, unfortunate beautiful little furry life that I needed to put out of it's misery immediately. Ugh.....I am so sad and have been all day. I came inside, told my wife what had just happened and I cried. I'm 50 years old and I didn't even know if I was capable of crying any more, and I freaking lost my shit. That poor little cuter than cute furry creature had to die under my boot because of what I did and I just feel horrible about the whole thing.

    When I went back outside after a few minutes to clean-up the mess I had made and check for the other bunnies, they were all gone. I scooped up the poor little thing and disposed of him. There were a few parts of him scattered from what the mower did and I got them all out of the yard.

    As a 50-year-old veteran and construction worker, I was brought down instantly and totally broken over this. There is no amount of "tough guy" fortitude that could make me feel ok about this at all.

    I do realize that it was just a horrible accident and thinking it over and over, I do realize that there wasn't anything I could have done but let the poor thing suffer, and trust me, it was totally, out of control suffering. As an atheist it's one of the only times I will pray to the ether to say over and over how sorry I am. I just can't express it enough right now. I feel horrible and also as an atheist, I hold that ONE little precious life that that creature had as sacred as any other. It's just really tough. There is no reconsiliation available for this. It happened. I feel horrible, and it's as final as anything in this life.

    Sorry. I'm just a bit heart broken right now and probably trying to unburden my guilt through writing it. I put the any of the nest bedding I could find back in the nest and I'm hoping that the three that scattered will reunite with their mom tonight after sundown but I have no idea if they will. I can't imagine how traumatic all that was to them. :(
     
  2. brenneisen

    brenneisen Active Member

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    don't feel guilty, it was an accident :(
     
    Studio E likes this.
  3. Alex Fraser

    Alex Fraser Senior Member

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    ...and you did the right thing too.
     
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  4. OP
    OP
    Studio E

    Studio E Eric Watkins

    Thanks guys. My rational brain tells me the same, and my heart just still hurts. I’ll be fine but what a bummer. Thanks again.
     
    musicisum likes this.
  5. I'm very sorry for this ;//
    And I think for me this would have been also very traumatic.
    Yeah, you did it right - really a bad accident - not your fault though.
     
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  6. James H

    James H 01001000 01101001

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    Sorry to hear you went through this.
    I had a similar thing with a frog last year and my mower. Still think about him :/
    It's an awful thing to go through. Watch something on YouTube, like a documentary to take your mind away from it.
     
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  7. jtnyc

    jtnyc Senior Member

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    Brutal situation. Your story made me cry. So sorry you went through such a thing. Your immediate handling of that bunny's destiny and your reaction to the whole thing is very admirable. The cloud should lift quicker with that in mind.

    Feel better
     
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  8. asherpope

    asherpope Member

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    I'm guessing he probably would've felt the same if not worse if he ran over DI with his lawnmower...unintentionally of course

    <MODERATOR NOTE> - I deleted a bunch of posts from assholes (seriously, what makes someone post something that serves no purpose other than to piss people off?), but this one is pretty funny, so I'm leaving it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2019
  9. jtnyc

    jtnyc Senior Member

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    Some people just can't resist elbowing into a civil discussion, picking out a few choice words that they can criticize and start barking at the moon. One line that he used to emphasize how much he loves animals, and after reading the experience he just went through that's what DI focuses on and calls him pathetic and talks of intellect? What? Really? WTF?

    This is so sad. Eric shares a sad story and a nice back and forth starts, then the trolls chime in. When I read "I like animals more than I like people" I didn't take that as he would have rather killed a person than an animal. Of coarse not. Any reasonable person wouldn't, but there was the perfect opportunity to pounce. A troll can't resist. Like vampires, they must feed.

    And it's funny because I would way rather hang out with a rabbit than a troll...
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
  10. OP
    OP
    Studio E

    Studio E Eric Watkins

    Thank you, and perfectly stated.
     
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  11. Jimmy Hellfire

    Jimmy Hellfire Senior Member

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    I have good reason to doubt this.

    <Moderator Note> - Also funny, so we're keeping this one, too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2019
  12. FinGael

    FinGael Member

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    Thanks for sharing and I am sorry.

    I can relate to that. Years ago we were driving home late at night; my wife was driving and I was resting, when suddenly a raccoon dog jumped out of the darkness and was hit by the car.

    I think it had damaged its spine and I had to end the suffering. I love animals and nature so much that I have no words to describe it.

    Only thing I found from the car was a little metal tool (to get the bolts off tyres). After years I still remember those eyes full of fear. I cried loudly for maybe fifteen minutes.

    I have gone through a lot in my life, and nowadays I think that every challenging thing that happens to me I can make to serve something good, or help me grow as a human being. Sometimes it takes time, but that is alright.

    All the best.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
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  13. AlexanderSchiborr

    AlexanderSchiborr Senior Member

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    I find that post disturbing to put it mild and it baffles me but shows also why this planet faces so many problems considering that there are people with such a mindset running around. You know it is of course just your opinion and I have somehow to tolerate that but its not easy to read such point of view. And it is missing the subject of the post for me. Would it hurt to be more humble and thankful for the things this planet offers to you? Nothing is granted here at least that is my attitude. And when we are talking of "intellect" as you mentioned it, my humble opinion is that the majority of humans have simply no intellect at all. Only a fool treats his only source and planet like that shit like humans actually do. That is not only stupid but also very dangerous.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2019
  14. chillbot

    chillbot Sock Muppet

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    @Desire Inspires is his own thing, for better or usually worse. I'm amazed anyone that's been around enough still bothers to respond to him. Just ignore, man.

    @Studio E I read your post initially and sort of shrugged it off because what can you do, the deed is done and you do what you have to do after that. It sucks but it is what it is. I come at you from an animal lover, we have 4 adopted cats and 2 dogs, and I won't kill a thing. Well no, I will kill a mosquito because I grew up in the midwest. But aside from that, I rescue bees from our pool. I have a serious mole issue at our house and they wreck thousands of dollars of my putting green and plants but I refuse to kill them, instead I live on spraying coyote pee to scare them away. I would say this, the cycle of life goes and goes, the cute little bunny might not have lived another day, they rarely do. That doesn't ease your conscience but what can ease it is donating to the local animal shelter, or adopting a pet, or putting out food for the remaining bunnies (don't recommend unless you love rabbit turds). Anyway it's not that it changes anything but it will make you feel better, I work with the local shelter to raise money, there are so many animals that need homes. Losing a rabbit sucks but spending 50 bucks on dog toys or blankets and bringing them to a shelter is priceless. To me, anyway. Not much you can do about the rabbit at this point, you obviously did the right thing.
     
  15. James H

    James H 01001000 01101001

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    @chillbot what a lovely and thoughtful post
     
  16. mikeh-375

    mikeh-375 old school

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    I sympathise Eric, but take heart from the fact that you actually care, so you are a good bloke imv and have no need to feel any guilty remorse.
    I still get sad every time I have to clear up rabbits I find in kit form after our cat has bought them home, deconstructed them and thoughtfully hid them under tables, but there is nothing to be done about it. Wrong time and place accounts for a lot of upsets.
     
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  17. wst3

    wst3 my office these days

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    you are a good man sir, and you lived one of my worst nightmares (just missed a rabbit years ago while cutting the lawn, I still think about it. I have no idea how I managed to spot him!!

    You did all the right things, and you will just have to make peace with the fact that it was a horrible accident. I wish I had the secret for actually doing that.

    Oh, you already know, but please ignore the trolls. I find it difficult to fathom that a human being could post such drivel, but there's the proof.
     
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  18. Desire Inspires

    Desire Inspires To the stars through desire....

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    LMFAO! Don't worry, my time will come.
     
  19. thov72

    thov72 Senior Membr

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    Sorry to hear that, Eric. A few weeks ago, we had five young chicks. One day they were running around outside and my 4 year old daughter tried to catch one. She accidentally stepped on the poor bird. It ran around, with half of its intestines hanging out. I wasn´t there so my wife had to put an end to the chick´s misery. Doesn´t feel nice. The hen was looking quite some time for the missing fifth one, poor her. It took my daughter a while to get over it...she wouldn´t cry, but become very silent.
    It helped a lot to tell her that the chick is now in heaven and one day she´ll meet it again.
    I actually really believe that so it came kind of natural to me to tell her that.
    I know (now) that you´re not into religion but what a nice thought it would be anyways if you would meet that baby bunny again one day...all in peace.....
     
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  20. NYC Composer

    NYC Composer Senior Member

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    So no kitten juggling for you then, huh?

    (I’m a bad bad man, but I thought to lighten the moment a bit.)

    You could make a pretty good Jain, dude.
     

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